Monday, March 27, 2006

Rant alert !

Alright, today, all I'm going to do is rant, rant and rant. It hasn't been a really good day. Not in the least. What a way to end a weekend. Negative energy seems to be swarming around me like a tangible force even as I type this out. You may think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but that's just me, being irrational, so do ignore this post unless you haven't got anything better to do other than reading some outraged teenager's outlet for her frustrations. URRGH !

For starters, I'm beginning to loathe my driving instructor. Besides being a budding chauvinist, he treats me like a blinking imbecile ! He's arbitrary and condescending and insulting and offensive and he's making me loathe everything ! The rain pelting down on us early this morning was akin to a premonition of what was to come. Remember that lesson I envisioned earlier? The one where my instructor would be waving his arms frantically, and dear me, I wouldn't be able to fathom what he was trying to say even if my very last breath depended upon it? It came true. Today. Man, I need to learn some Cantonese. I'm so lost ! I think I'm going to make the worst driver ever. Period. Today, I 'tackled' the slopes and the parking. To make matters worse, I couldn't understand much of his yabbering. The parking part and the slopes were the worst ! I kept backsliding and I banged down a stupid pole ! It's hard enough to differentiate between left and right in ENGLISH but in Cantonese? It wouldn't have made a difference if he had been speaking French ! So, after a lot of yelling and screaming on his part, I finally succeeded. That was when he said, " Now, let me test your it all over again." Darn, what memory is there to test? I couldn't remember a darn thing besides him incessantly screaming " Stop ! Brakes ! Stop! "...Sigh.....hopefully the next few classes would be better. I really don't look forward to it. Imagine how fast things change. I was gushing over driving yesterday, and today, I'm really over it. Fickle-minded seems to be my middle name eh?...

There are a million other things running through my fumbled mind right now. I want to scream and rant and cry and swear ( unlady-like i know) but everything I want to pen down seems to disintegrate in mid-transition. It sucks. It's like a trizillion of rubbish and crap is trying hard to squeeze through a very very small outlet. It's amazing how our 'wireless' world can turn into so much of a hassle sometimes. That is, when things go wrong and distance becomes the barrier. And there is absolutely no other form of communication besides the one that has crashed down. That has got me wondering how people in the pre-modern days solve misunderstanding and stuff. No wonder war was so rampant those days. Imagine if there was a small disagreement among two parties and after some thought and consideration, Party A decides to back off and settle the matter. Party A then sends a 'snail mail' which in those days would take literally ages to reach the designated destination. By the time the letter reaches Party B, Party B would probably have already launched an attack on Party A and chaos would have already ensued.

Right now, all I seem to be able to feel is an abyss of emptiness. Deep and dark and dank. I'm numb, cold and unfeeling. And maybe, just maybe, I'd like to stay like that for the time-being. To be cocooned in myself. I was never one to turn to self-pity, but right now, it's comforting. It offers me the peace of mind I seek. I want to be free, but there are invisible binds holding me down. I don't even know the direction of my thoughts right now. I'm very confused and I hope, soon, I'll see the light.

1 comment:

Fiona said...

i've never liked my instructor either:D