It's been almost a month since you've left. I haven't talked to anyone about this because how exactly does one go about telling someone about this emptiness in one's heart ? It's not something you discuss over a cup of coffee. Or something to pick up the phone and bawl over. How can it hurt to think about you and hurt even more not to think about you ?
Days pass and I'm reminded of you. At times I smile, at times I laugh, at times a stray tear finds its way down my cheek. Thinking back, you've been able to do that all my life.
I'll miss :
- listening to your stories. You peppered my childhood with tales of war, love, sacrifice, laughter.
- the way you chuck me under the chin although I'm no longer 5
- the way you taught me cursive writing
- quiet afternoons reading with you
- rainy days listening to you playing the piano
- running to your room during thunderstorms
- and every time someone bullied me
- how you laugh at my bad Hokkien , 'ang moh kia' you called me
- kissing you good night, me telling you to "Please shave ! "
- chocolates for Christmas
- dancing on your toes
- pork bean soups
- suppers with you
You were always the first person I saw when I came back from school. You tied my hair for me when grandma could no longer do it, and I'm sorry I sulked whenever you didn't do it right. You were babysitter, designated driver, personal cook, bodyguard, advisor, confidante and best friend. All that and you never forced me to finish my vegetables .....
I guess that's the reason why the word 'grand' is there in grandpa
" I want to see you graduate, be at your graduation. I really do "
" Christmas. I'll be back. Wait for me. I promise. "
I never told you this, but you're the apple of my eye too.