In the blink of an eye

It's the eve of the eve of New Year's eve. If I could clip off the wings of time to slow it down, I might not know what to do with all that excess time on my hands so mayhaps I should really leave things as they are and strive for a better year ahead. 

Lots have happened in the past year, sometimes it's hard to believe it's only been a year, because sometimes it feels as if a whole decade has passed, the way I feel. 

Some time back someone told me that he wished he could be 23 again. 23 again. I guess I really am at the cusp of adulthood. Maybe I really can reach out, stretch a little and aim for the stars. Most of all, I need to stop planning, and start living. 

I hope you all find your new year resolutions and keep to them this coming year. I'm not sure how many people still read this, so this account's for myself. One day in 2012, I might stumble upon this post, and draw some strength from the positive energy I feel today. 

More coming, but here's a future toast to the future ! To brighter things , to a better year ! 

It's me who is my enemy, 

Me who beat me up, 

Me who makes the monsters, 

Me who strips my confidence

- Paula Cole 

*clinks glass

The junk of the past

It's ridiculous how some people can gossip about other people behind their backs, effectively defaming someone's character and then a couple of months later you see them all buddied up and chummy together. It does give one the chills looking at displays such as these. 

Yes, forgiveness is something that religion teaches, but carrying out an act to seek for deliberate forgiveness is a waste of time and just downright ridiculous. 

Congratulations. I'm sure you'll head very far in the corporate world. You've got all it takes. Just don't blame anyone when you find yourself alone and miserable at the top. You reap what you sow.

I no longer want any part of your nonsense. Over, done with, next !

And no, I'm not talking about my personal relationship. There are lots of other things to worry about in life than boy-girl relationships. Just thought the lyrics of this song apt. 

Subtraction

She was 15, and had no idea how to subtract 145 from 2001.

Every time I spend time with these kids, I'm humbled. Humbled by how eager they are to learn, how patient they are with me when I muck up simple questions. Most times I come back in a concoction of small joys, humility, and a little pinch of guilt. 

" WIll you be able to handle subtractions in your next test now ? " 

*bright smile, gleeful nod

Perhaps these are my little rewards. I'm humbled that I have the opportunity to witness the disbelieving joy these children display when they 'get' simple concepts that I've taken so callously in the past. I may have sat her through hundreds of questions on subtraction, but these little experiences taught me how to subtract the negatives in life which in turn subtracts the power that negative thoughts could potentially have on me.

" For I know the plans I have for you." declares the Lord. " Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future " - Jeremiah 29:11

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Solitary

There are some days that I don't really like human company all that much.
It's not the humans that are the problem.
Those are the days when comfort comes in the form of paper, ink, flipping pages, tea and good music. Those are the days like these.



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Hello, old friend

Was in the mood to read something highly intellectual the other day, ( and no, dear journals, I don't mean y-o-u ) I mean really, like Noddy in Toy Land, or Peter Rabbit ... What, are you challenging the intellect of a 5 year old now ?  And of course no relaxation is complete sans the right soundtrack 

Sometimes you stumble on an old long forgotten song, and you smile, the way you do when you unexpectedly meet an old chum and the years seem to melt away as you rekindle the sweet, sweet past.

I'm gonna be somebody, 

One of these days I'm gonna break these chains, 

I'm gonna be somebody someday, 

You can bet your hard earned dollar I will ... 

Yee-haw ! 

Last one

I'm not a give-upper
But today I'm really really tired
of being 'strong'
of labels and expectations
and of feeling lonely in a crowd

Of hypocrites and rainbows

I don't want to make this space of mine a section to rant and grumble, but it's been a tough few weeks and just when I'm about to burst at the seams, I see the faint beginnings of a rainbow. 

Maybe this is a lesson for me to learn. A sort of 'toughening' to go through. And a reminder to be grateful regardless of the circumstances and know that He is God. I'm grateful for angels who'll stand by me and am deeply touched by their relentless support. 

Thank the Lord for gem friends and sisters :) 

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out - Walter Winchell

Are you looking for a room for rent ?

If anything, the past week has taught me an invaluable lesson and it’s definitely one that’ll remain imprinted in my memory for years to come. I’d just terminated my rental contract, and was in the middle of transitioning from one place to the other when lo and behold, disaster struck. The new place is currently under renovation and will not be ready for at least another month. Right now, bunking and having ‘extended sleepovers’ with friends remains the only available option.

Living out of boxes and suitcases really isn’t all that fun so I sit here wishing that I had planned way ahead in advance of my move. Sites like http://www.ibilik.my are awesome for seeking out short term or temporary rooms for rent. The available rooms are categorized according to areas and postcode zones so it’s pretty easy for you to narrow down your selections to a relevant few. Easy site navigation lets you achieve your target in no time at all so your accommodation worries can be settled as soon as possible.

In fact, if you’re planning to go on vacation, you could go on iBilik and seek out potential rooms for rent. There are options for short term rentals in Malaysia, Singapore and Indonesia, so you can smooth out the wrinkles in your vacation plans. This is also an awesome site to head to if you’re looking for a room when you’re relocating from one part of the city to another. Both tenants and prospective landlords now have a better way of advertising room vacancies and best of all, you get the flexibility to do all these without having to go to the actual site itself when you’re narrowing down possible options. Believe you  me, the hassle of being stuck in a bottomless pit of desperation due to accommodation mix-ups will definitely dampen your mood and fresh enthusiasm. 

This restless feeling

I've spent the past few days, weeks in fact trying to shake off this restless recklessness within me. And then I read the papers, and there's nothing but unrest , disruption of peace, stifled freedom. 

For now I thank the Lord for the people in my life. 

The people who have cast little beams in my grey-blue skies. 

And this song.

Greater things are yet to come

Greater things are yet to be done 

In pursuit of

Happiness

The word sits lightly on one's tongue, and leaves a smile with the final syllable. Yet it's something so elusive, often hard to attain and so fleeting when it deigns to delight one with its presence. Still we all strive to capture it, probably package it in see through bottles with pretty polka-dotted ribbons, at least my version looks like that ...

I've come to realize that really, happiness is all around us. It just depends on knowing where to look and what to see ..  My little bottles are filled with :

• Music. Country, rock n roll, gospel. Sing me a tune and I'll tap my feet. 
• Stories. Fiction, non-fiction. I'm a collector
• Food. Gastronomic ecstasy
• Awesome company. Late nights laughing till bellies ache
• Love. Caring. Sharing
• Stumbling upon Gratitude in the randomest things ... 
• And this song : 

Well loved

This is probably one of my favourite poems by E.E Cummings. Gone are the days when people were so vocal. Now this would be termed goosebump inducing , or too outspoken. I've learnt from having lost loved ones that love has to be expressed . It's not a secret to be kept only to be poured out when all is lost. But c'est la vie. *sigh* With accredited online colleges you can learn to write poetry like this with a creative writing class. 

i carry your heart with me
i carry it in my heart

i am never without it
anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling

i fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
i want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart
i carry it in my heart

Who am I

Soul searching can be pretty illuminating. The search for who you are, what makes you you, the path to defining your passions, interests and the things that ignite the flame right inside you could get so treacherous. It's a perpetual cycle. One slips, one falls, but at the end of the day, you need to remember to pick yourself up, because you're stronger than you think.

My views on religion have always been pretty flexible. With all the horrid things that have been happening around the world, it's easy to blame other people. Before you know it, you're pointing fingers, discriminating, stereotyping.

I believe in the practice of religion, not the preaching of it.
I believe that religion is not a set of rules, or a ruler by which one measures others,
I believe religion is a wonderful relationship between man and a greater being,
I believe that every religion is wonderful in its own way, in teaching a greater good,
I believe that the practitioners of all religions are humans, and in so being are flawed,
I don't believe the teacher should be faulted for the misdemeanor of his students.

But after all , who am I ?

The folly

The folly of being young :
You think you possess superhuman powers

Be in two places at the same time !
Make a difference !
Change the world !

And then you realize you need sleep, down time, and it all comes crashing down again

Ah, the joy of being young and silly

My wishes

I hope we learn
that life is to be lived with laughter as a steady companion,
faith as a pillar of support and
joy as an ever present sun

I hope we grow
closer despite the seas between us

I hope we become
better with age,
and stronger with life's strives

I hope we respect
that differences are what made you you and
me me
and those are what we fell for in the first place

I hope we keep
the unity to scale the rocky mountains of life together

I hope we love
like little children -
unconditionally and unselfishly

I hope we never forget
that every second, every thought and
the tiniest actions count

I hope we aren't afraid
to face challenges head on and
be each other's lights in times of darkness.



Happy 5th, love ! We're a pre-schooler !!

xoxo
Jo

Where is the Love

Learn to forgive what others have done to you
But forget not what others have done for you



People killing , people dying,
Children hurting you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek ?
Father Father Father
Send some guidance from above
Coz people got me got me questioning
Where is the love ?

Letter to self

Somewhere out there, there's a child hungry and helpless
Somewhere out there, a baby's cries are drowned out by the heavy pelt of bullets
Somewhere out there, famine and tyranny reign the days and haunt the nights
Somewhere out there, a mother worries for her son in the line of duty
Somewhere out there, families struggle to pick up the remnants of life after devastating disasters

And here you are,
Self absorbed in your own selfish interests
Narrow sighted
Angry at insignificant smites
Giving power to the work of the devil
Letting immaturity strike a nerve

A child of God is way way better than that
It ends today
It ends this instant


And here's that slap of awakening :

When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them " If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her " - John 8:7

Redirecting gazes

The whole of last week was rocky and made me question way too many things. I admit I was discouraged, looking at how people who are supposedly Christians behave. But then I realized how terribly wrong I was to think that way. 

The thing is , humans are flawed, I should know, for I'm one too. Only God is perfect. I need to remind myself that no matter how much someone has hurt me or caused me black, un-Christianly thoughts, I need to remember that through it all, the only constant remains to be the Holy One. Only He is blameless, flawless and the embodiment of perfection. And it was wrong of me to lose faith in Him simply because I made the folly of allowing the shadow of men to shade the greater light of heavenly grace. 

I love this song. Especially this verse :

For every time I pray, 
The mountains are removed, 
The paths are made straight, 
And nations turn to you.

Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yoursBut when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.” - Mark 11:22-25

Burnt out

I woke up today totally exhausted, which isn't the norm for me because 5 hours of sleep usually fuels me enough to pull through the day. And then it hit me that I've been going on for the past few weeks without a day of rest. Life's taken on a mundane cycle of reading ( for work, oh how I wish it was for pleasure ) , lab work, cooking , grocery shopping, writing, and more reading and writing after dinner right up till early dawn. 

My only reprieve comes in the form of the 20 laps I push myself to swim in the pool. It's therapeutic, the calm, the silent lapping of water, the total silence when you're submerged in depths of nothing but water. It's that only time of day when I concentrate purely on breathing, two strokes , one breath, two strokes , one breath and nothing else. True liberation. 

Right now I have lots of reading clamoring for attention , some stuff to write and life to sort out. I really don't know the point of writing this, maybe I need a whine. Too many things have disappointed me. Too many people have had their masks ripped off. I'm confused. The sad fact remains that the night's still young but I'm totally burnt out. Emotionally, physically. 

The easiest thing to be in the world is you. 

The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to. 

Don't let them put you in that position 

- Leo Buscaglia

The word papa

A father
loves in ways that words alone cannot describe

A father
sorts things out when tides come crashing into plans and schedules

A father
gets sidelined at times because he's a quiet source of strength

A father
stays strong when our will to push on grows weak

A father
worries but maintains a calm demeanor for his children

A father
takes pride at the tiniest achievements

A father
navigates, leads, nurtures and guides

Shrewd businessman he may be ,
but he sacrifices for family without looking at expected returns

This is for my daddy, grandpa and everyone else ;
single mothers, guardians and caretakers who fit the description of a father ...

Happy Father's Day 

You're MUCH loved ! 

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A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman, he turns her back again - Enid Bagnold

When words don't suffice

I'm grateful to be part of an exciting generation

I'm thankful for winning family, and awesome friends, 

But there's a little part that's made up of the roar of silence, 

Distance, 

Technology breaks it, but the truth is digital closeness doesn't come near the real thing. 

Absence is to love as wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small and kindles the great. - Roger de Bussy-Rabutin