Tuesday, December 05, 2006


Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. -- Lou Erickso

Time sure flies. It’s been a while since the last time I actually sat down to seriously blog. Random things have crossed my mind these last few days. Last Sunday in church, it suddenly hit me that so much time has just slid past. It’s somewhat like trying to hold a fistful of sand in your hand, but the effort is futile because the sand will somehow seep through the gaps between your fingers.

Before I digressed, I was about to elucidate what I meant by how fast time flies. I was sitting next to Josh in church and in a moment of spontaneity, I turned to him and stuck my tongue out at him. And then it dawned on me that my baby brother had grown into a young man. Was the transition from child to teenager so smooth that it passed me by so stealthily? And then, the irrevocable truth made itself apparent to me. He was growing up. Fast. So am I.

Life is an intricate tapestry, our lives are interwoven in the strands that make up the whole picture. Josh and I started from the same root, but as we grow, it is inevitable that those threads of life that used to be so close would slowly wind away, weaving a part of the big picture alone. We’d still be close, after all, blood is thicker than water, but we’d have our own stories to weave. And it’s a little sad that we’ll continue on this journey in life without being a part of each other, living behind the simplistic, idealistic cover of childhood dreams and slaying our own dragons. One day, he’ll meet someone, and he’ll share a large part of his life with that special someone. That day, I hope he knows how much his sister loves him.

I’m somewhat aloof and detached from my peers. It’s not that I’m arrogant or self-superior or anything. It’s just that I think it is such an effort to smile when you don’t really mean it. Hypocrites repel me yet it disgusts me even more when I am one. I am an observer, rarely a participant. People think I’m Miss Goody-two-shoes but heck, I was made that way, am that way, and always will be that way. Is it so wrong to want to be different? Are others insecure with variety because it shakes their own foundations? Well, then honey, I daresay your foundations weren’t stable to begin with. You can’t have everything in life. You can’t expect people to bow at your every wish. You just have to learn to be contented with what cards life deals you.

There is a part of me that clamours to belong. Yet there is another part of me that wants to be recognized as an individual. Not just the girl who attends the same lecture with you. Or the classmate who sits in front of you in class. I want to be remembered as the one who made you smile when you were down, the one who challenged you intellectually. The one who’s opinionated and who can actually think. I want to cease being a shadow, a non-existent phantom-ish being. I want to be different. Unique. Never conforming to the general specifics of anything. I have a veritable temper and yet I can be docile. I am shockingly outspoken and yet tenaciously clammed up when I choose to be. I don’t ever again want to be just a name or a face in the crowd. I want to be me.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Can't help thinking about you

You’ve been with me right after I sat for my PMR examinations. You were the spark that made me excited to get it over and done with for I knew that our journey would begin right after I penned the last word on my question paper.

Almost three years has passed since I first held you in my hands. I remember almost vividly how ecstatic I was to actually own you. To have you witness and help me immortalize those precious moments in life. Birthdays, Christmases, funny moments and touching glimmers of those little figments in life.

There are days when I think how charming it would be to have you by my side. To capture that beautiful scene or to catch someone unawares. But then I remember. You’re lost to me forever.

This year’s Christmas would pass by without me being able to make time stand still for just that once. I hope your new owners treat you nice. I hate to think of the fact that fate dealt you in the hands of a nincompoop who wasn’t able to take responsibility by the reins and actually be a man. It’s saddening to think that such people would actually grow up and ‘contribute’ to the lowly, vile habits of a certain group in community.

P.S : This post has been inanely posted during one of those nostalgia-stricken bouts of frustration I get everytime I think of how some imbecile laid hands and kidnapped my digicam. And by the way, I’ll try my best to come up with something better the next time. There were so many occasions when I saw things or read about issues and I’d go “ Hey, I’d like to blog about this” But then the moment I sit in front of my laptop, Poof! The inspiration just deserts me. Bah.

Well, guess I’d better go now

Till later,

Saturday, November 18, 2006


We're all inhabitants of our own spheres, spheres that will never conjoin, they may just brush against each other, but they'll never belong together. Never exist together as one.

Monday, November 13, 2006


Ah, if it isn't the return of the prodigal blogger. I've been meaning to blog more. Honestly, I have. It's just that I've been this cocktail, a drugging concoction of laziness, 'business' and way too much leisure indulgences.

I've been skipping Math lectures for the past few weeks to go back home. And by home I mean Ipoh, where good food, good company and the lazy bug resides. Ah, heavenly.

Anyway, I've been doing some catching up and decided to addresss the matter of doing my 'tagged duty'. Memes usually become a little of a challenge to me since I don't really like answering quizzes, but at least I can't say I don't have anything to blog about. So, here goes......

Four places that I've lived in:
1. Ipoh
2. Setapak, KL
3. Penang
4. Urm...Pahang?

Four things that not many people know about me:
1. I can get a little obsessive-compulsive at times.
2. I used to be a cynic. Big time. I probably still am, practicality and logic usually wins the battle for me.
3. I keep most things to myself. I don't believe in telling the entire world, all and sundry my innermost feelings. I like keeping my private life private. Friends have often told me that I'm hard to second-guess, almost impossible to decipher and usually impassive. It takes literally eons before I open-up to anybody.
4. I have a soft spot for girly frilly lacey pretty utterly useless, dust-collecting things. So sue me.

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1. The sound of music
2. The Princess Diaries
3. Mary Poppins
4. A walk to remember

Four TV shows that I love(d) to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. CSI
3. Barney the dinosaur ( =p don't you just love the adorable, million-dollar smile purple old chap?)
4. Desperate Housewives

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Camerons
2. Penang ( love the beach )
3. Langkawi ( sandy beaches and lolling waves, what more can I ask for)
4. Gentings?

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Sour and spicy fish vermicelli
3. Pasta
4. Erm...laksa

Four places I would rather be in:
1. Home
2. Australia
3. Switzerland
4. New Zealand

Four favourite songs:
1. You raise me up - Josh Groban
2. Help me make it through the night - Kris Kristofferson
3. L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
4. Secret Love - Mandy Moore

Four persons whom I tag:
1. Fiona
2. Wan Aisyah
3. Josh
4. whoever else wants to do it

Phew, that was draining. Guess that's all for tonight. Toodles.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Updates on life

Well, I'm back. After a seemingly long absence. Not that I think anyone has missed my crapping here. Anyway, the holidays have breezed past and the second semester kicked off to a start last week. The first week has been somewhat........eventful.

Boy, the holidays have certainly made me somewhat addled, if I may say so. I'm getting pretty rusty. Especially in writing. Formally. Yesterday, we were asked to write an essay for English, it was a free-topic essay, nothing less than 350 words. ( Great, just the kind I 'love' ) Anyway, in a state of extreme rustiness and creakiness, I took a painful 20 minutes to think of something to write about. After eliminating topics like My Brother, My House, My family, My Dog, My Cat and the likes, I finally settled on something I titled ' Dancing with Danger '. It took me almost an hour and a half just to complete the darn essay. To think of how we had to finish essays in 45 minutes last time, times that seem like eons ago now.

First class of English passed by uneventfully. As usual, we were asked to introduce ourselves and tell little bits about ourselves. When it came to my turn, I ran out of things to talk about after stating how many siblings I have. So the lecturer, after taking extreme pity with my seeming plight asked me..."So, tell us, what's so special about Ipoh?" To which my befuddled brain only managed to choke up " It's urm....urm....urm..quiet !...ya quiet ! " *nods head in the affirmative* And then there was this little voice in my head that went " Well, great going gal, so is Timbuktu. " When the lecturer asked me whether that's all I have to say, I sank gratefully down back in my seat. Ah well, that just goes to prove I don't think that well on my feet when part of my mind's still stuck somewhere else.

Yesterday, we boarded the wrong bus from college to get to the LRT station. The mortifying thing of all was the driver was snickering at us. Openly !. From my seat I could see his bushy moustache twitching. Gosh, to think that we wasted a precious 20 minutes and 60 cents just to go for a joy ride round the area. It was pretty humiliating to step down again from the bus at the same spot where we were picked up.

Well, if the last week was a glimpse and a mere prelude to what we can expect from the next sem, I think we're heading on an interesting ride. I guess that's all I can think about for the moment, forgive me but I've squeezed out every last drop of 'inspiration juice' while attempting yesterday's essay. For now, toodles!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006


In the blink of an eye, a week of the holidays have drifted by. Some days were spent being 'productive'..others...were left to laze and glide by. I was doing some random surfing today and came across this. 'Chat with God'.. really inspirational and insightful if I may say so. Do read through it. It helped answer some questions I had. It might just help you too.

God : Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. who is this?
God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.
God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.
God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God : Well I wanted to resolve your! fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God : Pain is inevit! able, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?
God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you! are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..
God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Grace and Glory

God says, " I have carried you since you were born: I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I wil be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will tkae care of you. I made you will take care of you" - taken from Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren

It’s Sunday today and I think it’s apt that I dedicate a post to He who made it all possible. I’ve been putting this song on repeat the whole morning. ‘Worthy is The Lamb’. These past three months have taught me a lot on life’s lessons. Tomorrow marks the last day of m first semester in college. And it is with a slight nostalgic feeling that I leave this place. This room where I’ve been spending three months of my life in. But don’t hear me wrong, I’m glad as can be to be leaving for the semester break. A whole blissful month back home.

Yesterday, I had the severest attack of gastric ever. And to top it off, I sprained my right shoulder and neck pretty badly. It came to a point where I couldn’t even turn my head. Combing my hair and tying it up was no mean feat. But, in it all, I learnt a lesson. I’ve been mulling things over the whole morning. I’ve decided to be more carefree. Come to think of it, I’m only eighteen. Far too young to be cynical and jaded like I used to be. With age comes responsibility they say. And I guess I’m responsible to live life to the fullest.

God gave me life. And I owe it to Him to make the fullest out of it. It is comforting to know that God’s always there. It is indeed a joy to know God. A feeling I can’t exactly put into words. God has been there for me through the darkest moments. Through those times when I needed comfort most. Know God, and regret not. God is the one who’ll accept us for who we are. Because he made us that way. I’ve spent a great deal of my life living up to expectations. It gets tiring at times. And through the despair of disappointments, I sometimes get that glimmer of hope that things will turn out for the better. I’ve been through times when I thought no one would understand. Times when I’ve felt so alone. But I was wrong. God was there for me always. I was wrong to try to live up to seemingly impossible expectations, to seek to be perfect when God made me unique in my own special way. To fear when there was no need to fear. God made everyone unique. What we see as flaws may be what God sees as special. Sometimes, we don’t need to conform to what people will think of us. I remember this quote I once read. If I’m not mistaken, it was by Roald Dahl. Be who you are, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind. This may not be in verbatim for I can’t remember the exact words.

I have a lecturer here who goes around saying “ Jesus loves you” “God bless you Sister/Brother” “Jesus is only knocking on the door of your heart, hoping you’d open the door for him”. I think that’s what I’ll remember him for. He wouldn’t be teaching us anymore after this semester but I think in a way, I’ll miss his quirky self.

I’ll leave this post with the lyrics for the song ‘Worthy is the Lamb’ for it reflects a thousand times what I want to say.

Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I knowYour forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victoriousHigh and lifted up

Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

Thursday, September 14, 2006

It's good

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. -- Anonymous

It's good to.....

  • have a nice, fluffy soft bed to lie on after a hard day
  • have a steaming cuppa soup on a cool rainy day
  • have a shoulder to lean on
  • rest, relax and watch the world whirl by
  • curl up with a good book and a cup of tea
  • idle chat about nothing and everything under the sun
  • laugh and cry and surrender to that very thing that makes us human - emotions
  • dress up and paint the town red
  • know God exists
  • take a leisure evening stroll on a cool, breezy day
  • have someone to babble on and on and on to on a sucky day
  • watch the sun go off to bed
  • listen to the waves sing their endless medley
  • know that days pass and waiting won't be in vain
  • indulge

Sunday, September 10, 2006

It all begins

Six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is ONE – One Tree Hill

The first semester started off in bright and springy May and it’s now coming to a slow albeit inevitable end in the cool month of September. How fast time flies. I remember the day when we first enrolled, how we needed a map to navigate around. How everything looked so new and fresh and exciting. Unexplored terrains, limitless knowledge just waiting to be acquired. I remember stepping into college with stars in my eyes, all happy to have ‘graduated’ from high school and now taking the next big step.

Anyway, today the first exam of the first final semester exam of the first semester of the first year of college finally commenced. It’s a bit surreal how things have progressed. Sometimes I look back and relive these past few months and it seems as if I’m reading life from a storybook. A never ending storybook

College examinations are pretty stiff. We aren’t allowed near the examination venues till a certain time. And to top it off, they blow a whistle. Yup, like a piercing, silence-slashing, screeching, nerve-wrecking shrill whistle. I have no idea why, but I was so tensed up by then that I almost wanted to laugh hysterically when the whistle blew seemingly out of nowhere. The test progressed pretty well after that. Hopefully.

Someone has been feeding me stories which has gotten me all sappy and soft and moist-eyed on a Saturday night...

A pair of teenagers were traveling over 100 mph

Girl : You’re going too fast
Guy: No, this is fun !
Girl: No, it’s scary. Stop it
Guy: Only if you say you love me
Girl: Fine, I love you.
Guy: And give me a BIG hug
*Girl hugs him
Guy: Now take my helmet and put it on yourself. It’s bugging me

(next day in the papers)
A motorbike crashes into a building because of the brakes failing

Why did I post this, you may wonder, but there’s another part to this story.

Only one person died in the crash. The girl survived since she was wearing the helmet. Truth is, the guy realized earlier on that his brakes were not functioning so he devised this so that he could hear her say “I love you” and have her hug him one last time. He made her take his helmet so that she’ll survive even though he knew he would not.

Now, isn’t that just touching. Though I wouldn’t want to spoil the emotional quality of it by wondering why the girl wasn’t wearing a helmet in the first place.

With that, I’m going to sign off. Hopefully I’ll survive the exams, then I might just have something thought-provoking to blog about later. Till then, ciao !

Sunday, August 27, 2006


It's those dreaded times again. The finals are approaching faster and faster with the mercy of a bullet-train. My days have been filled with 'wonderful' activities...Amongst them, wrestling with confusing Math questions, battling Engineering Science, trying to conquer Visual Basic albeit unsuccessfully, and mind-feeding myself with Production Engineering.

It's a slow Sunday today. And there's really nothing much to do if you ignore the high pile of work to be done currently residing pretty comfortably on my desk. The semester is now winding down to its inevitable end. Many things have happened throughout the course of this semester. New friends have been made, dear friends have been missed dearly. New knowledge has been acquired. I've gone through experiences I wouldn't have gone through otherwise. I know the basics of life-saving though I daren't put my skills to the test. My Mandarin's still as crappy as it first was when I came in. I still can't dive.

Being in a course that's generally populated by guys has it's perks and downs. For one, when it comes to the workshop, the guys usually display 'gentlemanly' attributes and help the 'fairer sex' get our work done. That means we don't have to do the hard work. But, we end up doing almost all the cleaning after that. The downside of being amongst the few girls in class is the lecturers pick up your name fast. And you find yourself getting called up during lectures ! Pretty scary. Like yesterday, my friend and I were sitting in the lecture hall, minding our own business when the lecturer suddenly spoke into the mike

" Joanne ( somehow they can't get my name right) and Kimbery (this is worse, they forget that L is part of the pronounciation and she gets called Kim-Be-Ri instead of Kimberly) what are you both doing there? Came in late is it? This questions should be 'wet-wet-water' for you both right? "

* 'wet-wet-water' is a direct translation from the chinese phrase meaning 'piece of cake' which has become a 'trend' to use here.Somehow, I find it really irritating, especially if the lecturer starts using it.

Anyway, for one thing, I hate being in the spotlight and when such a 'public-announcement' is made, all eyes would inevitably turn to us. Secondly, we were not late for the lecture. And to make such an assumption was a bit unfair to us and thoroughly presumptuous of the said lecturer.Well, I digress.

Back to the topic, I haven't blogged properly in ages but I promise I shall try my best to come up with something better than " I don't really have much to blog about", "I really can't think of anything substantial at the moment", "I have nothing to write here but since my blog's been looking pathetic I decided to drop by and get a round of crapping done". "I can't think of anything to write yet my fingers can't stop it's frenzied tip-tapping"...ah, ONE meaning,so many ways to put it.

Being away from home has taught me how to appreciate things. Things I used to take for-granted. I miss fooling around with my brother. I miss his *ahem* sometimes lame jokes, his wise-ass cracks, his insatiable thurst for graphic thingamajigs, his bottomless stomach and his act-coolness. I miss grandpa's steady calmness and the way he used to spoil us silly with snacks. I miss everything about Ipoh. Even the hotter than hot weather.

On an entirely different note, I realised lightning is beautiful in an awesome way. It really is. The way a sudden blaze of electric-blue illuminates the dark sky. And the sharp crack that accompanies it. There was a thunderstorm on Friday evening. We switched off the lights and rested on the bed. I was facing the window and it was spellboundingly magical to just lie down and watch the lightning play across the sky, while claps of thunder punctuated every voltage-packed firework. A majestic orchestra of sounds and light.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006


Wow, it's been a while since I last blogged. Work's been piling up recently. In the blink of an eye, the final semester examinations have finally come knocking on our door. And, I've still got loads to study and I'm still sitting here, blogging when I've honestly got nothing much to blog about. Alright, maybe I do have some thoughts buzzing through my mind but I can't put them into words for now.

A few things about studying here..:
- I've used so much more Cantonese than I ever did the rest of my life.
- I don't remember eating so much Malay food prior to coming here this. I used to be picky and all.well, people sure change.
- Sometimes it hits me that I've been living 'independantly' for almost 3 months now. It's something big for me since I've never left home prior to this. Thank God for a roommate who can be as crazy as me at times. Chatting till the wee hours of the morning about anything and nothing...
- My English seems to be deteriorating as the days pass. To remedy this, Kim and I have started or at least attempted to speak using the most complex words as possible to substitute simpler words whenever we converse, effectively causing eyebrows to raise whenever we launch into our litany of 'thesaurus-obtained' words.
- The sunsets here are simply breathtaking ! Or maybe it's the same everywhere but I only realised them here since I've got so much time on my hands and nothing to do.
- I discovered I'm pretty much afraid of everything. Enough said.
- I've come to the conclusion that Ipoh food rawks. KL food....let's just leave it at that.

I think that's all I can purge out.
Till 'inspiration' strikes next,
Aloha !

Friday, August 04, 2006


They say happiness is self-gained. In many ways I think that's really true. One man's meat may be another's poison. I've been 'philosophy-ing' the past few days. Thinking about life's quirky ways. Sometimes life seems a bit of a game. Sometimes it's a waiting game, sometimes it's thrilling, sometimes you lose some but then again, you gain some. Justice may be a very subjective word. Happiness too for that matter. Anyway, I was taking a short break from the books and decided to do these.....

Men See You As Choosy
Men notice you light years before you notice themYou take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be pickyYou aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounterIt may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait
You Are A Woman!
Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Random thoughts

Today started pretty horribly. It was bad enough that Kim and I overslept and had to make a mad rush in order to get to class on time, but as if to add some spice and sprinkle some ‘excitement’ into an otherwise dreary Tuesday morning, the lock on our door got conveniently jammed. So there we were, a couple of fools trying to ‘un-jam’ the errant lock. Our efforts, much to our chagrin, ended in vain. We had to ask the security office for their ‘professional’ help. Boy, did I wish I didn’t enlist the help of that surly, burly old man. He glared at us as if it was our fault that the lock got jammed. He then dismantled the whole doorknob and re-fixed it. Then, he forced me to test it 2 times, in a really ‘unfriendly’, stern manner. All the while saying “OK?! OK?! Don’t say it’s jammed again. OK?!” in Malay. Ya, Mr. Locksmith, we woke up this morning and by means of a good morning greeting said to our dear door-lock “ Hey mate, would you do us a favour and go jam yourself?”

5 minutes after he left, I opened the door to go to the washroom. Much to my horror, the door did not budge open at all ! The only thing I held fisted in my palm was the doorknob! Detached from the door. As I stared dumbly and rather stupidly at the knob, I couldn’t suppress the hysterical laughter that bubbled up my throat. When Kim saw what happened, she just said “Shit” and we convulsed into helpless laughter. Having had such a bad experience with the security guy, we endeavoured to ‘repair’ our own door, which basically involved us shoving the whole doorknob back into the doorhole?(whatever it’s called) but not without a lot of prayer before that.

The whole campus is abuzz with the recent news of the fatal attack on one of our fellow collegemates. I was horrified to learn that there was another case which happened barely 5 minutes later after the first one. It’s truly tragic and saddening that such a thing could have happened. And to someone so young. You read about such cases in the newspapers practically on a daily basis but when it happens to someone your age, someone your friends know,someone from your hometown and for the past 5 years studied in the school adjacent to yours, the sense of unreality hits you even as reality itself sinks in.

I was walking back from the canteen after dinner today and I beheld a beautiful sight. A sight that very seriously stole my breath. The sky was splashed a mellow hue of orange, while white, fluffy clouds were tinged in a halo of gold,reflecting flecks of pink. And in that instant, it hit me how utterly lucky I was.To be able to see something so simple yet beautiful. How lucky I was to be alive. How blessed I am to be able to breathe without the aid of beeping machines, to be able to run and laugh and be a part of life in all it has to offer. The ups, the downs, the whole rollercoaster ride life itself is. It hit me that out there, there are kids leaving this world even before they get the chance to savour the banquet life has spread out. That people like Lee Khian Yip will never ever be able to watch the sun set ever again. That how often we take simple things like this for granted when these are the things we need to treasure the most. Family, friends, and simplistic beauty. And in all that, sorrow is an essential part of the opera of life. For without sorrow, how then will we know what true happiness is?

Random thoughts

Today started pretty horribly. It was bad enough that Kim and I overslept and had to make a mad rush in order to get to class on time, but as if to add some spice and sprinkle some ‘excitement’ into an otherwise dreary Tuesday morning, the lock on our door got conveniently jammed. So there we were, a couple of fools trying to ‘un-jam’ the errant lock. Our efforts, much to our chagrin, ended in vain. We had to ask the security office for their ‘professional’ help. Boy, did I wish I didn’t enlist the help of that surly, burly old man. He glared at us as if it was our fault that the lock got jammed. He then dismantled the whole doorknob and re-fixed it. Then, he forced me to test it 2 times, in a really ‘unfriendly’, stern manner. All the while saying “OK?! OK?! Don’t say it’s jammed again. OK?!” in Malay. Ya, Mr. Locksmith, we woke up this morning and by means of a good morning greeting said to our dear door-lock “ Hey mate, would you do us a favour and go jam yourself?”

5 minutes after he left, I opened the door to go to the washroom. Much to my horror, the door did not budge open at all ! The only thing I held fisted in my palm was the doorknob! Detached from the door. As I stared dumbly and rather stupidly at the knob, I couldn’t suppress the hysterical laughter that bubbled up my throat. When Kim saw what happened, she just said “Shit” and we convulsed into helpless laughter. Having had such a bad experience with the security guy, we endeavoured to ‘repair’ our own door, which basically involved us shoving the whole doorknob back into the doorhole?(whatever it’s called) but not without a lot of prayer before that.

The whole campus is abuzz with the recent news of the fatal attack on one of our fellow collegemates. I was horrified to learn that there was another case which happened barely 5 minutes later after the first one. It’s truly tragic and saddening that such a thing could have happened. And to someone so young. You read about such cases in the newspapers practically on a daily basis but when it happens to someone your age, someone your friends know,someone from your hometown and for the past 5 years studied in the school adjacent to yours, the sense of unreality hits you even as reality itself sinks in.

I was walking back from the canteen after dinner today and I beheld a beautiful sight. A sight that very seriously stole my breath. The sky was splashed a mellow hue of orange, while white, fluffy clouds were tinged in a halo of gold,reflecting flecks of pink. And in that instant, it hit me how utterly lucky I was.To be able to see something so simple yet beautiful. How lucky I was to be alive. How blessed I am to be able to breathe without the aid of beeping machines, to be able to run and laugh and be a part of life in all it has to offer. The ups, the downs, the whole rollercoaster ride life itself is. It hit me that out there, there are kids leaving this world even before they get the chance to savour the banquet life has spread out. That people like Lee Khian Yip will never ever be able to watch the sun set ever again. That how often we take simple things like this for granted when these are the things we need to treasure the most. Family, friends, and simplistic beauty. And in all that, sorrow is an essential part of the opera of life. For without sorrow, how then will we know what true happiness is?

Sunday, July 30, 2006

The beginning? The end?

I wanted to write something uplifting today. But I'm simply not in the mood to do so. I want to rant and scream and swear and curse and kick and throw something but no, I'm holding on to the last thread of composure as if my very life depended on it. My msn display picture currently reads "I will not give up, I will not give in." And I'm seriously psych-ing myself to do so.

College so far, in all it's naked 'glory', bare truth, and painful honesty, SUCKS! At least for me it does. Maybe the problem lies within me. They say college life is the best time of your life. But I've tried, I've tried really hard to learn to adapt but I can't. It's awful here if you don't speak Mandarin, and your Cantonese is mediocre. And people think you're a snotty b**** because of that. And they tell you " You know, knowing how to speak English alone is not good..." Well, thank you very much, but I'm very well aware of that fact. Why is it that they laugh at you when you're trying to learn but then they tell you it's 'not good' not to be able to speak Chinese. Ya, my Cantonese sucks, my Mandarin is unintelligible. BEAR WITH IT ! I'm trying hard too, you don't see me commenting on your 'excellent' command of English. Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother.

It's been close to 3 months since I left home for college. And by each passing day, I miss my Ipoh friends more and more. What Ms. Pushpa said last time during Eng. Lit. was so true. Friends you make in college will never share the same bond as those friends you had all the way through primary and secondary school. I miss them so much. In a way, I took the times we shared together for granted. But I know now that they share a part of me that no one else will ever be able to replace. People here are little more than acquintances. Passing ships in life. You never know what you have until you lose it. How painfully, achingly true.

Mum told me that when God gives you a test, he'll not give you something you can't handle. I hope I'll be able to overcome all this. The frustration I'm suppresing deep inside is coming very close to the surface. I can't go anywhere alone in this 'pleasant' area because it's way too freaking dangerous.It's hard to find friends here because I don't speak the common language. If only you know how much I miss you. Sigh. I may be just making a mountain out of a mole-hill. I hope so. Is this the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end?

Oddly enough, I feel infinitely better after letting all this out. I think I'll call it a day. With that...I bid you all goodnight.

Update on life

Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief- Marcus Tullius Cicero

At last, a proper update. First of all, my apologies for the very belated entry. I've been suffering the aftermath of the latest 'tsunami'. She goes by the name " by-product of that vice called Procrastination". I've been plodding through two fantastic weeks laden with exams and assignment datelines, topped with late nights and natural mascara. How utterly refreshing.

I'm back in Ipoh for the weekend. Home never felt so good. By Friday, throughout lab, I was praying time would pass faster and I groaned inwardly everytime my lecturer dragged on with his lenghty, not so interesting lecture. (when are they ever interesting?)

In the blink of an eye, the weekend has passed and it's time to head back to KL. I spent a wonderful afternoon out today. Besides, I met Fiona and caught up on life. It feels so weird that now we're out of school, and don't meet each other every morning anymore. I found out that a lot of my friends have been doing well in Form 6, how times have changed. I find it hard to believe that we're the same girls who used to wreck havoc in class, skip classes and play with leaves and flowers,hide in the toilet to skip assembly, and had so much fun! Now, we're all grown up and going our separate ways but deep in the recesses of my mind a permanent memory has been embossed. My past, present, and future, all interlinked to form an interminable chain.

I don't really want to go back to KL. Not at all actually. Deep down, I'm an Ipoh girl through and through. My roots have been planted here and to uproot me would simply spell disaster. Fiona asked me today whether I miss Ipoh. Yes, I do. I miss my hometown so much,terribly, and badly. I know I'll never be a KL-ian. I'll just adapt but never accept.

I guess that's all I have to say. In other areas, life has been going well for me. haha, go deduce that yourself.
With that, I'm signing off...

Tata and pleasantess dreams.

Friday, July 28, 2006

When i simply don't have anything better to do

The Keys to Your Heart
You are attracted to good manners and elegance.
In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?
Your Personality Is
Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.
You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.
A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.
In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.
At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.
With others, you tend to be polite and formal.
As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.
On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!
Your Lucky Love Color is Black
When someone gets to know you, they still make feel a bit intimidated by you.You are alluring and sexy, but you have a dark, dangerous side that you don't hide.And just like your color suggests, you are sophisticated and wise - especially when it comes to men.Your heart is hard to win over. You don't fall in love easily... or often.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Of Elephants and Late Nights

College life has been hectic! Maybe it's because I've been allowing my assignments to 'breed'. Anyway, I qualify as a panda right now. Sigh. Been sleeping late almost every night.

I went swimming yesterday. Spent 4 hours in the pool. Have I said I loved the water yet? I do. I love the feel of it, to be ensconced in it's blanket of comfort. Maybe it's the Cancerian in me. But there's just something that attracts me to it. Let's just call that fate. I never thought I'd be afraid to do anything concerned with the water. I was wrong.

We had plunging (diving) practise yesterday. You see, when I started learning swimming ages ago, I chickened out when it came to diving. It's really scary. At least for me. Anyway, I had to force myself to do it yesterday because there will be a lovely test awaiting me next Tuesday. I wouldn't like to think of the consequences if I fail this.

A friend taught me how to dive. Much to my chagrin, everytime I dived, it was like an elephant jumping into the pool. I always land in pancake style, with a loud 'smack' ! Trust me, it's as painful as it sounds. My abs are killing me now. The reason I landed in pancake style according to the experts is because I lack the guts to jump. I hesitate and just as I leave lovely solid ground, I panic and slam ! I become a splendid pancake.

Here's how it goes. You have to bend down close to 180 degrees, extend your arms up and over your ears, bend your knees, and plunge head down. It freaky because when you're in that position, you're looking into let's say close to 2 metres of deep blue water. It's worse if you're on the board. I'll be shaking inside and this guy's asking me to "Jump! Jump! Use your legs like spring and jump, come on, you have nothing to lose...." and smack ! in I slam. Sigh.

Ah well, I guess I can't say much anymore. I need to go practise some time soon. Wish me luck !

yours sincerely,
-Elephant Pancake-

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The coming of age

There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know.Lewis Carroll

18 years and a day ago, a squalling, pink, pruned-skin baby was brought into this world. Her parents named her Joanna, from the Bible. Anyway, this baby grew up to be a cheeky toddler, showered with love and attention by those around her. She had to be chased round and under the dining table by mummy and daddy because she didn’t want to go to pre-school. Grandpa and grandma spoiled her silly too. With cat-naps in the afternoon and dancing on grandpa’s toes on cool evenings.

She soon started primary school and there she met friends of gems who sprinkled fairy dust in her days and coloured her life. Progressing into secondary school, these friends remained dear and special to her. It was here where she started her journey of self-discovery, exploring depths and reached heights she never touched before.

Now, 18 years and a day later, she celebrated her first birthday away from home. It was truly an experience. Sweet wishes came from even sweeter people even before midnight. Thanks you guys. Miss you so so much. Anyway, that little girl is now of the ‘legal’ age. She can now drink alcohol, buy cigarettes, go for 18 rated movies, and get strangled by mum. Besides, she won’t qualify for juvenile jail anymore. What morbid thoughts.

Anyway, that was a very lame and concise version of my life’s story. My 18th birthday was certainly no fanfare. I went swimming and got ‘tortured’ by the seniors. Well, at least I got a lot of exercise ! So no complaints. Life in college sure ain’t a bed of roses.

Today’s my first day being 18. People asked me how I spent my birthday, so here’s my answer. I spent my birthday with a super hot date. It was vital that I spend more time with the said date because time was of the essence. I wouldn’t say it was a fun date, because knowledge was the theme of it. If I’ve managed to pique your interest into unraveling the identity of this mysterious birthday date, I shall not torture you anymore. This dazzling, not-so-charming, not-very-interesting date is a healthy, well-built, heavy, juicy book who goes by the name…….’Programming in Visual Basic ! ‘ You see, yesterday morning, my lecturer told us we would be given a test next week, which generated a flurry of panicked activity. Books which were previously left untouched were opened and flicked through in a hurry. People were trying to stuff as much information as the human brain can accommodate in the shortest period of time. This morning however, my ‘kind’ lecturer informed us that the test would be postponed. Maybe that’s my belated birthday gift then. ‘Phew’

I’ve got a case of writer’s block right now, so I guess I should sign off before I put you into a junk-induced coma.


Saturday, June 24, 2006

Random stuff

It's the weekend. It's past midnight. It's been a tumultous week. Lots have happened. Lots have been discovered and explored. College students don't sleep. I mean seriously, these people are like owls or something. My course rep. slept for only 2 hours, but he was more energetic than me in school. Anyway, I got tagged by Aisyah to do this sooo.....here's

8 things about my perfect lover ( well, they say it never hurts to dream =p)

1. Loves me for who I am
Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be accepted and loved for who they are. Not who they represent or what they can do. To be treasured and cared for. Imperfections, quirky attractiveness, flaws and all.

2. Respects and accepts my family and friends
Because they mean something to me. I wouldn’t be who I am if not for them. They make up a big part of my life.

3. Understands me
I’m hard to fathom. I admit that much. Sometimes, I don’t even get myself. So, it’ll be miraculous if someone could actually understand, respect and accept the way I am.

4. Doesn’t pick fights with me
By that I mean that we’ll never ever fight. Ya, I know all couples fight, it’s normal. But you said perfect . I hate to fight with anyone, what more a significant other. I don’t ever want to have shouting contests and chaos in a relationship. Call me unrealistic but I’d like to walk on clouds and to have rainbows painted through the day and starry skies every night when I’m ‘in love’.

5. Open
He’s open minded about things. He isn’t too conservative to the point of being a monk. Isn’t over possessive and domineering. I can’t stand being told what to do and what not to do 24-7. He respects my point of view and at least listens to my crap. ( I’m not saying he has to accept whatever I say)

6. Doesn’t force me to do things I don’t want to
It’ll be suffocating if someone were to force me to do something I don’t want to do. And laugh at me and call me names after that.

7. Has a sense of humour
I like funny people. Or people who can take jokes. Sensitive people are a dead turn-off.

8. Matured
I’m not a very good babysitter. I dropped cartoons years ago though I still have a soft spot for Barney. = P
I'm tagging..
Jarod? lol

Monday, June 19, 2006

To a much loved lady

If a person you love is stolen from you, the way to keep that person living is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but true love lives on forever - The Crow

You are special.

You were always there for each and every one of your children, your grandchildren. A constant supporter and strong believer of each and every one of us.

You took every predicament in stride, a brave smile always never far away.

You are hero, mentor, mother, wife, grandmother. You excelled in being all.

You always thought of others before yourself. Putting their needs ahead of yours.

You coloured the lives of those around you and molded them to be better people.

You are gentleness and courage personified. You led each day patiently, making a difference to those you cared for.

You left an impact on the lives of many, an imprint in their souls, a signature on their hearts.

You’ll always be remembered, every gathering, every day. The hearts you touched and the stars and sun you represent in the lives of those who love you.

You found peace at last, away from the turbulent battles life handed out to you. It was a long battle but you emerged the Victor.

Poh poh, I know you’re with the Lord now. You’re a jewel with a heart of gold. A living testimony to everyone, you’ll continue living on in our memories.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wittle Little Bit of Life

I've got wi-fi connection in my room now ! Man, it's good to be back in touch with civilization. First week of college was something akin to hell for me. I couldn't get proper sleep(cos some smart senior decided to 'spice' up my hostel life by very 'helpfully' asking me and my roommate to 'take care' because there were 'visitors' on our floor, if you get my drift) and the food here tasted so bland I thought I would soon die of malnutrition or emaciation.

Anyway, things have smoothened out tremendously compared to that initial stage. The lecturers are loading us with assignments and projects. So, life can get pretty hectic sometimes. Especially when you think you don't have any assignments, decide to sort out your file and suddenly you see this nice, thick juicy stack of tutorial questions that are due tomorrow ! Then it'll be a panic,mad rush to hurry up and finish it. The next day, you'll be nodding off to sleep in the cozy,dimly-lit lecture halls. Then when the lecturer ends the lecture, you'll be thinking.."What did he say?" or, some lecturers are more effective than sleeping pills. No matter how hard you try to pay attention, your mind wanders, I'll be looking at him, telling myself "Pay attention,pay attention,pay attention" and then I'll spot somebody with a cool shirt or a weird hairstyle, and I'll nudge Kim and whisper and giggle.

Anyway, I came back from a CF meeting last night. Kim and I was walking back with a guy from the same hostel and the classroom blocks were rather dark already. I pointedly avoided looking in that direction when I realised the guy was looking at something. They say ignorance is bliss so I decided to let the matter drop and not bring the subject up, but....things didn't work that way. Suddenly the guy said.
" I saw something drop".
Kim and I went.." Really? Erm..do we wanna know what you saw?"
The guy: " It was white"
Me: " Ok...it's a piece of paper. Nothing wan la"
Kim: " Maybe it's just a cat or something"
The guy: " I don't think so la, doesn't look like it"
Me: " Let's just walk faster"
The guy : " It looked like a bird......"
Me: " Ok, it's a bird..*nervous laugh* let's walk faster ya..."
The guy : " But it doesn't look like a bird...I think.."
To which Kim and I just sped up and walked faster.

So there you have it. I'm tired already. It's past 11pm and I've gotta get more shut eye. I hate it when the alarm rings. My alarm clock malfunctioned this morning, and when I looked at my watch, Kim and I panicked and started rushing. Forgot breakfast and all. Sigh. Wish mum was here. She's the alarm clock that never fails.

ps: I miss the idiot box !!!!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

The end of bliss

In approximately 7 hours, I'll be leaving yet again for KL. Much to my chagrin, time flies way too fast. I came back on Thursday evening, and in what seems like a nanosecond, it's time to leave again. Man, I hate goodbyes. I'll miss home. 'Home', what a nice ring it has now. Truth be told, you'll never know how sweet home is till the day you actually have to leave it.

Actually, I was happily blogging the evening I came home. I must have got on the wrong side of Lady Luck that day because just as I reached the conclusion of my entry, the screen went 'poof' and off went my entry. Using the landline sucks. To make a long story short, the brother fell in love with online games, thus resulting in mumsie banishing darling braodband hence terminating his love affair. Now he's nursing a broken heart, and I'm curbing the frustration of not being able to be reunited with both my sweethearts. One's the idiot box of course and the other's my computer with broadband... Ah well, we can't have everything.....

Anyway, KL's a labyrinth of roads, junctions, roundabouts, turnings, signboards, roads, roads and more roads. Getting from one destination to another becomes such a chore. Being used to the convenience in Ipoh, where a 30 minute drive is tantamount to driving to the next town, to be suddenly thrown into a bustling city where it takes close to 30 minutes to go anywhere people deem 'nearby' feels positively alien. Besides, maybe it's just me, but the place takes on a sinister appearance by nightfall. Danger looms where darkness reigns. *Shudder*

My college life is officially starting tomorrow. I'm eager, excited, but for the most part, apprehensive. Orientation week was alright. We had a typical mass call, where people ( they had names and titles attached to those names, but I wasn't paying that much attention so I missed it = p ) talked and talked and talked. After that, we had 'lots' of activities, but since those activities lasted for only a few hours, we were left to our own devices for the rest of those looooong days. Needless to say, my roommate and I were bored senseless. The library proved to be a diversion, but not for long. We spent the rest of the day literally playing the staring game. Know the rules of the game? It's easy, you just find a partner and stare at each other. Then, we'll flop on our beds and laugh at our futility in seeking something to occupy time. Desperadoes we were.

Tomorrow's schedule seems to be packed. I'll be having lectures non stop till 6pm, starting at 10am with a one hour lunch break in between. I hope we'll have something to do by then. I must be nuts but I'd rather have homework (easy ones are most certainly welcome) than to sit around and waste away.

I got a shock when I saw our engineering workshops the other day. In all honesty I had no idea what to expect, but it certainly wasn't those machines and thingamajigs that I saw. The seniors' warnings were scary enough, no baggy clothes, long hair must be tied, no bracelets, no earrings, no handphones because of some radiation interference, and a tonne of other things that results in dire consequneces..The first thought that crossed my mind wasn't " wow, how extremely cool ! ", all my mushy brain could think of was "Goodness, what have I gotten myself into".

A part of me wants to stay in good ole Ipoh. Simple Ipoh. But I've got to graduate. There were times when we got so desperate, I joked about dumping college, coming home, start a 'career' waitressing and live the rest of my life regretting. I wonder how the next four years will turn out. It's weird how things are reversed now. A week ago, 'vacation' meant going somewhere away from home. Now, 'vacation' means coming back home. hmm....

I've still got loads to crap about, but time does not permit me to do so. Mum cooked up some bitter, black, herbal thingy that's supposed to be nutritious and I've gotta go for gastronomical torture now.
Aloha ! (because it means hello and bye and I hate goodbyes )

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Bits and pieces

Life is just a phase....you'll get over it - Anon.

This may be the last post I post in a while. When was the last time I blogged? Bout a week ago? It's been an eventful week for sure. One of the fastest to pass. I went to check out my hostel last Sunday. I've got over the initial shock and unease. One thing's for sure, I'm SO NOT looking forward to staying there. I've been wishing the days would crawl by, but so far, all time seems to be doing is zooming past. Right now, I've psycho-ed myself to treat it all as an adventure. Imagine one day, decades and decades away, I'd be telling my grandkids (if I ever get married to begin with) how I survived on baked beans, lived in a room none bigger than a matchbox, shared a communal bathroom, took cold baths at dawn, climbed 5 flights of stairs a few times daily, walked miles everyday, lived without a TV set nearby, did my own 'budgeting' , and lived 'independantly'. = p

I must say that I was taught geography at the dining table at a very tender age. Well, here's an example.. when I was younger, I used to love to pick at my food. So mum would go, " Joanna, eat your rice, do you know how many children in Africa/Bosnia are starving? Do you know how much they would love and appreciate having spinach to eat? You are so lucky.....so don't be so fussy" So to me, Africa was the country mum speaks of whenever I refuse to eat something yucky. Nutritious food's always yucky aren't they? I remember mum forcing me to 'eat' cod liver oil. Mind you, when I was around 5, cod liver oil meant the emulsion form. No gold capsules because mum was afraid I'd choke myself to death. And gawd did that icky white cod liver oil emulsion taste awful ! Things that mum called 'brain food' , I translated into 'run away quick' food. So 'brain boosting sessions' usually resulted in a battle of wills, and a chase round and under the dining table.

Looking through my autograph book today, I realised how much I missed school and how dear all those sweet memories in school meant to me. I used to think mum and dad were kidding or were just acting 'parenty' when they told me 'Schooldays are the best ! You'll miss it when you graduate'' Now, I know what they mean. Reading what friends wrote opened up the dam of memories once again. While bittersweet memories pooled and flooded around me, it felt as if I was back in school again. It was like a picturebook in my mind, where happy scenes are replaying themselves. It's sad to see phrases like " It's our last year together this year, I still remember when......." or " It's time to bid farewell and go on our own journeys''. Sometimes I wish I could go back there again, but in life we always have to move forward don't we? Many of my friends have started Form 6, some have gone overseas, some have gone to college. We've all spread our wings and took flight. I can't help but wonder what's going on in my friends' lives. It's almost sinful how we took our time together for granted. But Kim's autograph sent me into peals of laughter. It just demonstrates how unpredictable life could be at times.

Ah, well, it's time I embarked on my own journey, to explore foreign lands and terrains. It's times like these that I think of my grandmother. I wonder whether she knows what's happening in my life, I wonder whether she's proud of me, whether she knows all I've done and achieved, my accomplishments and failures. When I see her again, I'll tell her that I've done a lot of growing up in the time she left, but some things still remain the same. I'm still afraid of the dark, I still pick at my food, I still misplace my watch often, I still believe in ghosts and refuse to watch horror movies, and I've graduated from Enid Blyton to the likes of Sandra Brown and Sidney Sheldon, but I still get stuck in what Josh terms 'bookland' . I don't squabble with Josh so often now. Maybe that's what they meant by 'maturity', but then again, maybe it's because we see so little of each other, there's hardly time to take out the artillery and declare war before time comes and whisks it all away....

I guess that's all I have to say right now. I started out with lots to say but words just evades me. Till I get near a computer in the near future, Adieu !

Friday, May 12, 2006


He who knows nothing, doubts nothing - Spanish Proverb

I closed a chapter of my life some time ago. Months ago, to be more specific. And the time is nearing for me to take the next big step. One more week to go and I'll be installed in college.

Frankly, I'm split between two main feelings. Excitement and trepidation. A big part of me is excited. I'm going to be on my own. I'll be discovering new things, learning new things, adapting away from home. But then again, in the midst of all the excitement broiling around me, there's this dubious feeling nestling somewhere at the back of my mind. It is scary really. I've never been away from home before this. Literally. Man, am I overprotected !

I also realise this is the first step to independance. I remember so vividly all the things I used to do as a secondary school student. Mugging for exams. Rushing for tuitions. Chatting in school. Being a librarian. Debating with the team. Studying without having weighty decisions to make. Fooling around. Laughing and talking the day away. Sweet, sweet memories. And suddenly, it's as if I've reached this short plateau. Short, but no doubt a plateau. For a while, I just existed, not lived. Had a short stint working part time. It was no doubt an experience. One I'll never forget. Filled with bittersweet memories. Funny, but everytime I think of it, my blood boils. Not in a good way. I'm still looking around for an outlet to let out that one suppressed feeling, so far not succeeding. But nevermind about that.

Anyway, back to the point. Time has passed by with the mercy of a bullet-train. I miss school. Darn, I never thought I'd say it. I was gearing to be out of school. I was gearing to go to college. But suddenly, it's as if I'm standing precariously at the edge of that plateau. And I see the drop. I know I can't stay on that comfortable place any longer. It's time to move on. Time and tide wait for no man. yada yada. But I still find it impossible to stave back that trepidation. I hate my brain sometimes. I'm good at contradictions. I'm good at pessimism. And I'm good at self-denial.

Stepping out of my little existence to 'explore' the unknown, to have adventures and to eventually 'live' proves to be a really seductive deal. But then again, it's like that feeling you get when you first open a book. You're curious as hell to find out what's in store for you. You've skimmed throught the introduction at the back and the short writer's note. A little summary, a little tantalisation before the real thing. I think the beginning of anthing new is akin to that feeling you get when you flick open the first page of a brand new book. ( That is, if you're a bookworm like me, if you are anything like Josh, the feeling you get will be something like a groan, a moan, a litany of grumbles and a succession of yawns ). Back to where I was before I digressed, my feeling right now is a weird mix. I can't wait to open and begin penning my new chapter. Will it be a bore ? Will it be interesting? Will it be exactly like I want it to be? I guess I'll just have to delve in and discover later eh?

Is this how everyone else felt? By the way, I didn't get the PSD scholarship. I currently feel numb I guess. The whole thing was a helluva lot of fun. The waiting, the 'attitude' test, the interview. It was an experience. I'm relieved that the choice has been made for me actually. At least the road isn't diverged, and if I had taken one road, years later, I would wonder, "What if I'd taken the other road? How then would things have turned out?" It's really funny how things work out sometimes. Life leads you round and round in circles and you find yourself in square one over and over again. But then, when God closes a door, He always opens a window.

Yaso was asking me about coincidence the other day. A part of me believes that our lives have been mapped out for us already. What we like to call 'coincidence' is probably a part of the big picture. Something in the blueprint. But just because life is 'mapped out' it doesn't mean we take a backseat and let the shows begin. I think we're co-drivers of our own destinies. Every action has a reaction. Newton's law. The reins have been placed in our hands. And it's up to us to steer the way. The destination has already been planned but it's up to us how to get there. Along the way, we might break a wheel, but that shouldn't stop us from going on. Life goes on without us. Wouldn't it be a shame if we just stood still and waste away while everything around us is blossoming and blooming and growing and improving and living?

It never ever crossed my mind that I'd end up being an engineer. Frankly, it was never one of those things I wrote essays about in primary school when the teacher asked us what we wanted to be. I had wanted to be a teacher, a fireman (don't ask), a music teacher ( so far, I've only succeeded in being a music slaughterer ), a doctor, a pharmacist, a psychologist, and a paediatrician. Engineer never even crossed my mind. And yet, that is what I'm going to be. I always say 'what' I want to be and not 'who' I want to be. That's because I like who I am now. I know who I am. And 'who' I want to be is to stick being me, hopefully, time won't compromise the person I am. I'm surprised at my own choice. I'm even more surprised to find that I'm thrilled and raring to get started on studying. Studying, a word that sounds so foreign to me now. Right now, I'm having a diarrhea of words and I just can't stop the flow. Right now, these words seem to be the only panacea for my feelings.

As you can see, growing up, I've never had this burning, flaming torch inside me. I'm not like some of my friends who have set their mind to be doctors before they knew their ABCs, or borned lawyers. I lack the patience to be a good teacher and the compassion to be a good nurse. Biology and Chemistry were always at war when it came to choosing my favourite Science subject. Physics was always at the bottom of the list. I seem to have a knack for numbers but numbers drive me nuts. Which explains why I can never be an accountant. So, it's not really surprising that I chose to venture into Chemical Engineering. I remember being very undecided even after I sat for the SPM. I only made up my mind a fortnight after the results were out. I used to hate it when relatives would ask me what I wanted to be. I used to answer 'dunno' to every single question they posed so much so that some of them must have thought me mentally impaired. So I made up vague answers. I loathe it when people say I can't do it. People think I'm pampered. Soft. But I feed on their skeptism. Instead of pushing me down, they fuel and renew my zest for wanting to prove them wrong. I accept and appreciate constructive criticism but I detest unbased prejudice.

Why is it that we live our lives for others? I wish I could be those happy-go-lucky people out there. They don't give a thought to what others think of them. Their lives are theirs and theirs alone. Why can't I break free from crazy taboos and 'stigmas' that society loads unto us? Why must I don a stuffy mask in the light of day, diminishing my own character into the dank refuges of my mind? Why do I lack the courage to stand up and shout to the world who I really am inside? Maybe what William Shakespeare said was right. He must have been quite an oddball himself during those days. His private life raised questions as to what resided in the mindfolds of the world renowned literary genius. We're but petty players, strutting about on a stage, playing our little roles to the fullest before the last breath blows off the candle that represents our lives, and the rest is darkness. Like players in a play, after the play ends, the grandiose of it all fades. Life is very much like a stage. We live and behave for the benefit of others. We put far too much import on insignificance, on gossip. Why is it wrong to think on our own? Why is it that society, no matter how modern and open minded they claim to be, want to suppress individuality and convert everyone else to be the same? Why does the word 'unique' only last but a while before it becomes common again? And on that note, I shall leave to do some pondering of my own.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Experiment : Getting smarter

Alright, this might come as stale news to some. This whole 'inspiration' thing came from reading an article in the papers some time back. The content was mainly about 'tips' on how to get smarter. So, since I was rotting away at home, no doubt giving my brain a semi retirement, I thought " Well, no harm giving it a shot".

The first thing on the list was to brush your teeth with your other hand. Meaning if you're right handed, brush with your left and vice versa. That should have been a piece of cake. So I tried it out that day itself, and it was an eventful occasion. I jabbed myself so many times I lost count, and I almost de-braced myself ( Dr Lim would have a field day hollering his head off at me if I did de-brace myself =P ). And it really is quite hard to brush in circles with your opposite hand. Seriously.

Next, it was suggested that you flick open the dictionary, pick out a few new words and try to use them in your sentences. So off I went, industriously searching for some words. My victim? None other than Josh. So that afternoon when Josh came back home, I greeted him at the door ( something I rarely do ) and tried out my new words on him. He gave me a I-must-have-gone-into-the-wrong-house look, rolled his eyes and said "English please." He then walked past me, as if I were a cumbersome fly. Sigh.

Then, the article suggested to take a shower with your eyes closed. So I did. Till today, I wonder whether I used the right shampoo or the right shower gel. I thought I could rely on my nose, but apparently my nose is only functional when it comes to sniffing out food.

It's also stated that you should eat oily fish at least once a week. Oily fish, what's the definition of oily fish? I'm sure the article didn't mean deep fried fish but I ate that anyway, knowing somewhere along the dim recesses of my mind that I was doing something wrong. hmmm.....

So, there you go. At the end of it, the only thing that smarted were my bruised gums. I don't think I got any smarter in the brain department though. I still take ages to solve a Sudoku puzzle, that is, without cheating. Even if i did cheat, I'd still take a little less than ages.

Note: No toothbrushes or dictionaries were harmed in the course of the experiment.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Baabaa the drunken sheep

A wolf eats sheep, but now and then, ten thousands are devoured by men - Benjamin Franklin

He's going to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last before I go to bed. I'll have my breakfasts with him and my suppers, cozily slurping with him before I go into the realm of dreams. He's so cute, he stares at you with wide, starry eyes. He's going to be a part of my college life now. A new 'friend'. Let me introduce.....Baabaa the drunk sheep.* winks*

Haha, don't you think he just looks drunk and blur? Pretty much like me in the mornings, probably that's why I loved him on sight.

He's 2-D and he has a baa-tt !

Haha, now he'll have Milo for me in the mornings and late nights, and green tea during the other times. And don't forget, coffee for those nights preceding the exams. And if I can't sleep at night I can count those spirals that's all over him! Alright now. Enough of my inane, sheep-induced chatter. I've gotta go watch 'Ghost Whisperer' now.

Have a baa-ing good night!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

'New' hair and new 'eyes'

Can't think of a relevant quote besides 'Hair is a woman's 'crowning glory' and eyes are the windows to the soul......shucks.....

I got a haircut today. Well, not much of a haircut actually. Just a little trim. Asked mumsie to cut my hair for me. You see, I have a thing against going to a proper hairstylist/hairdresser/whatever they're called..The last one I had the ill fortune of going to almost snipped my ears off. And they usually have super sharp nails and they love to scrape their nails through your scalp. And they almost ALWAYS give you a wrong haircut and blame it on you. Anyway, I don't look much different now. Mum was supposed to layer it for me, but she said she didn't dare cut too much of it off. Seriously though, I hate sitting still for too long, while someone fusses over your hair. It's just a waste of time. Not that I'm short of any....but..Well, I get bored easily. And I usually hurry mum. I'll go.." Ok ok..can already.....so long..."every few seconds. Is it any wonder that hairdressers run away from me...haha

But you see, this isn't the worst yet, after I took a shower, I came out and mum went "Eh, the right side's a little longer. Yaaa...much longer...see? see? I told you, you should scrutinise yourself in the mirror....and don't be so impatient" So, being typically me...I stood in front of the mirror, took the offending lock of hair between my fingers, and snip! And I almost screamed ! Only thing, the scream was stuck somewhere in my throat and it only came out as an audible gasp...God...I snipped off tooo much of it..Sigh..now I look like those crazy pop stars who have equally crazy hairstyles. I mean, I do trim my own fringe but if something goes wrong, I can always pin it up. But my hair....that's another sad case. Gah, whatever's done is done. Now, I'll just bun it up and no one will realise. Hopefully....

And, I made a pair of new glasses today ! Titanium frame ( at least I think that's what the guy said) with glass lenses. Yup, glass lenses. Sigh, apparently, I'm too blind to get super high index plastic lenses. So I'll have to settle for glass ones instead. Holy Moly, my grandma used glass lenses, and they weighed like a tonne ! And they can actually break if i drop them. All I can do is cross my butter-fingers and pray I won't drop them. But at least they'll 'look' thin, since they're super high index and cost like a bomb. The only consolation is, I get to maintain my power ! Yay, no increase * relieved sigh* But ho ho, the examination part of it was funny. I couldn't see properly at first. God knows what the guy there was doing. He was shifting the lenses right and left and going " Clear? Blur? Clear? Blur?". Goodness, I almost got a headache ! And I was gritting my teeth, itching to pound him on the head. But then haha, I couldn't make out what the tiniest letters were so I just went " O, O, O, X ". So, duh, I got the whole row wrong. But the guy said it didn't matter because my eyes were weak. ( I think he said that, cos well, you know how good my Cantonese is) He also said that in real life I wouldn't be reading such tiny letters from that distance anyway, so that's a point. Then, thanks to my kindly mama's suggestion, I had to walk around in those super ugly glasses. You know the kind they make you wear when they're testing your eyesight. They look like some outer-space, alien glasses and weigh so much it's a wonder gravity didn't pull them off my nose and bring them crashing to the ground. Well, I wish they had, because I had to walk around in the shop which at that moment was full of patrons who weren't blind. Much to my chagrin. Anyway, the irritating guy had the gall to grin like a Cheshire cat when I handed the glasses back. Gah ! The idiocy of it all..my power was the same, so why did I have to test walk those glasses. *shakes head*

Then, I had to choose a frame. No mean feat ! There were so many to choose from. Initially I wanted plastic frames but the guy led me to a table full of funky frames in all colours of the rainbow. They were pretty to look at, but too bad I didn't intend to look like a clown or a fashion disaster..I meant, fashion designer, so I asked to look at something else instead. Too bad, everything I picked, the guy would go, ooh, that's nice, but they're heavy, what to do, your power so high. And that went on for so long, I wanted to scream " enough already ! My power's not that high, I haven't even reached 800......yet...besides,you're profiting from my eyes. grrr" In the end, I settled for this MAROON coloured frame. Squarish. Marooon. Light. Maroon. Japan brand. Maroon. Quite thin. Maroon. And I have no idea what I look like in it. Have I said it's Maroon? Sigh, I wanted black, plastic ones. But mum went "Young girl, don't take everything black la, that one's nice, young colour" So...Maroon's a 'young' colour I guess. Ooh, and mum was asking me to 'stop reading so much' and shaking her head so very often. Hehe, then the guy went " I think her eyesight is hereditary. " Ooh, I could have hugged him ! And I found out that my lazy eye was wearing off. Yippee ! No more lazy eye. * hops around gleefully* I'm so going to get contact lenses when I graduate.

Did some last minute shopping again. Bought some more black shirts ( I have a 'predilection' for black ). Black IS beautiful isn't it? Too bad mumsie and pops don't agree. And grandpa's against ANYTHING black. But then again, I wore black on the 2nd day of CNY last year. Had to pair it with a pink skirt, but it was still black ! tee hee. Thing is, people keep giving me pink and mauve and MAROON things. Maybe I look like those girly girl types. Sigh. But, to be polite, I don't wear black when I go visiting because I have relatives who are old and superstitious. And it kinda looks as if I'm ill-bred or obstinate and stubborn (which I am). Ah, but my stubborn streak has put me in many a plight. Now, I may have to go to a proper hairdresser. Maybe not.

Oh, yesterday I saw this really cute pharmacist. Went in to grab some vitamins and there he was ! Haha, he really was cute ! Like a bunny cute ! (Don't ask)
And before that, I saw this photographer who was let's say, small sized and chipmunk-like. Went in to take some passport sized pictures for college. And his mannerisms were so chipmunk-y! Bustling around the studio and asking me to tilt my head, move to the right ( I alsmot fell off the dumb stool ) move my shoulders, smile, yada yada. So there you go, I'll miss the bunny pharmacist and the chipmunk photographer when I leave....

Alright, this whole post has been a bunch of rubbish. Pardon me, but I better sign out now before I reduce you all to a well of bored tears.

Ciao !

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Old sweetness

Those who danced were often thought insane by those who couldn't hear the music. - Angela Monet

Watched 'The Majestic' starring Jim Carrey yesterday night. Till about 12.45 am if I'm not mistaken. Haha, so much for turning over a new leaf. Honestly though, I really wanted to take an early nightcap, but Josh was going "Please, please, please 5 more minutes, 5 more minutes..." Well, '5 minutes' soon turned into 2 and a 1/2 hours. But it was worth every single second of the 150 minutes.

The show mainly revolved around a 50's Hollywood screenwriter (is that what they're called?). Anyway, one day, he got involved in an accident and lost his memory. He ended up in this small town (Lawson) and he was mistaken for somebody's son. Very interesting plot.

Anyways, the show actually made me think of what the good old days would have been like. Bet the air would have been cleaner, less polution, people would have been more gracious, polite, kind, human. When a man's action was driven by pride and honour and not greed and lust. When fast food would have been synonym with poison. We pride ourselves in achieving first class infrastructure, we race to achieve the optimum in excellence and progress, but along the line, we forgot those things that should have been rooted deep in our souls.

We trade in material, worldly possessions in lieu of joy and happiness. We fool ourselves into believing that money, power and recognition is enough to feed our hungry souls. We cajole, cheat, and go to all lengths just to achieve what we think we want, never what 'we need'. Religion becomes our 'spare tyre', never what drives us. We talk so much of the path of righteousness, but don't realise that we've strayed away from it.

It saddens me to think what our ancestors would think of us, what more what God would. Yes, like what I read before once, it's easy to make promises on Sunday in church, but it's hard to keep to them. Easier said than done.

Doctors in the olden days were driven by a passion for healing ailments and a deep compassion for patients. Nowadays, they put their interests before others. I'm not saying that all doctors are like that. But the numbers are rising daily. And it's sad. It's sad that a specialist demands down-payment before he agrees to treat a patient. I mean, life and death isn't something to dally around with. What happened to the oath they made when they first took up the course? I believe that if you don't have what it takes to be something, then you shouldn't even try. Especially when it concerns the matter of life and death. Have they no conscience? Has medicine become a lucrative business instead of a noble one. Doctors are looked upon and often revered, why taint your image? I knew a man once. He refused to seek treatment from doctors and medical practitioners. When asked, he would reply " I do not wish to be 'practiced' upon". I used to think he was quite mad. Now, I think again. The world has witnessed many a miraculous recovery thanks to the world of modern medicine. But usually, few people become witness of the crushing setdowns that these men in white lab coats deliver. Good things are sung praises of, but the ugly ones are swept away. Why do I say all this? It's because I've observed hypocrisy at it's best. Sheeps in wolves' clothing parade amongst us everyday. They hide behind their professions, and lash out at the unsuspecting public. They say respect is earned, but more often than not, it's given to the wrong person. People who do NOTHING to earn it. Yes, I respect doctors. But not those who sit behind desks all day, who are condescending, who think they're God because they 'heal' people. No, they don't heal people. It's the medicine created by pharmacologists and biomedics, real people who research and spend hours to find cure. I respect those mission doctors who go to Africa, war-torn countries, poverty-stricken countries. These are the unsung heroes who deserve more credit than they get. Many put their lives at stake just to save another. And they do it for the survival of mankind. Their lives are far from being beds of roses but the legacy they leave behind will surely smell sweeter than any rose.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Of Maturity and upbringing

If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again.- Mary Beth Danielson

Maturity. If only it was a tangible thing. To what do we measure maturity ? Is it the coming of age? Or the going of ignorance? Is there even a yardstick for it to be compared against?

Certain things have got me thinking. haha, by now, I think you should surmise that everytime I say "certain things have got me thinking" , it means I'm about to contradict myself greatly, boggle your minds, and well, get myself thinking again..

Anyways, mum was telling me about this girl whose boyfriend's mother is well, posessive. By that, I mean he's what we call 'mummy's boy'. Well, if there's something I can't stomach, it's gotta be that. I don't know why, but seriously, enough of all that baby-ing already. Every mum has to let go some time, so let go already. Come on, boys/guys/males need to learn how to be independant. They need to explore, they need their own space so that they'll learn how to live. Without mama.

Besides, how young is young? And how old is old? Is there even a line between childhood and adulthood? Do we even realise when we cross that line? Sometimes I really wonder. How old must one be before he/she can be involved in a relationship? 20? 30? 15? Who are we to tell someone whether or not they're ready? I've personally known people in real life who want to lay down age limits for when their kids should start seeing somebody. I mean, in all fairness, if those age limits are reasonable, then it's alright. But sometimes, people lay down super-out-of-this-world stuff. I mean, we can't exactly take out a planner and mark down .....

1. Study
2. Grow up
3. Get career
4. Promotion
5. Fall in love
6. Get married
7. Kids

Well, heck. Some things in life can't be planned. They just....happen. In my opinion, as long as both parties are mature enough to handle their own problems and be able to bear responsibilities, then who are we to tell them yes or no? To each his own. But then again, who am I to say? Aren't I the cynic who so readily scoffed at the mention of the word 'love' ? Aren't I the one who believes that 'happily ever after' only exists in fairy tales ? Aren't I the one who is spoiling for a debate when someone tells me that 'forever' exists? Have I 'mellowed' or am I just seeing a different perspective this time around...

Every little girl dreams of a nice, big, fairy-tale wedding. Do I ? Well, no. Honestly. I think extravangant weddings are exactly that. Extravagant parading of something not believable. Weddings should be a private affair. After all, isn't it a bonding of two individuals who wish to be one? Why then should a million other people be involved? Not to mention a million bucks along with it. Isn't it a tad no,more than a tad sinful to splurge and indulge in something ethereal and not guaranteed when there are so many others out there who are more in need of the money? It's called charity for a cause. Not some gala attended by a hundred thousand influential people where checks are passed around with all the pomp and panache of rarity. True charity is when a little boy donates $5 of his pocket money to help a baby with a hole in the heart. True charity doesn't need spotlights and publicity to shine. Same goes to 'love'. True love doesn't need gardens of flowers and yards of silk and lace, and free-flowing champagne and a twenty feet cake, to shine. It's something we can't see. Because you can't create true love, you can't coerce it, it's inside you. It can't be seen, it must be felt. I think it's near impossible to find love that is reciprocated. Maybe that's because I'm a realist. Maybe because I'm a coward. Maybe because I don't want to be dissappointed, so I bury myself in untruths. Maybe I turn cynical because I want to convince myself I'm right, and shut out all doubts. Maybe I don't want to hope. I don't want to fall. I don't want to bleed. Then again, they say, if you've never tasted bitterness, then you'll never know what sweetness is....sigh, I hate contradictions.

Who are we, mere outsiders to judge others? I hate to be judged and therefore, I try my damndest not to judge. I think judging somebody else based on what others say or what pictures others paints just reflects on your own ineptitude and stupidity. Substantial proof of someone's character will in time make itself apparent. Why speed up the natural process and start making wrong assumptions? To assume is to make and A-S-S out of U and M-E. So let's not be donkeys and stick as humans instead.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Shopping in my shoes.

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death and the ecstasy of a purchase. - Erma Bombeck

The drive is back. The race has began. You feel your blood pumping and that unmistakable adrenaline rush. It's crucial. It's pivotal. It's inevitable. Somehow, you must, you want and you need to just get your hands on that pair of killer stilettos. And that frilly shirt. And that beautifully tailored, elegantly styled dress. Oooh, and don't forget the bling bling...........

Well, it's pretty obvious what I'm going to be talking about today. None other than what girls do best. Destined to excel in. And no, it's not cooking and housekeeping, it's shopping ! It's when seemingly demure girls suddenly sprout claws as a group of females are unleashed with the desire to drive a good bargain gleaming in their eyes. It's a vicious activity I tell you. It's part of that 'elusive' world that men only get to stand in the sidelines and watch but never partake in. It's a girl shop girl world. And it's far worse when that four-letter-word-express-ticket-to-cloud-nine for girls appear. It's not L-O-V-E, it's S-A-L-E.

Well, today, I went shopping with mum. Girly day out. My take? Scary. Certainly scarier for a relatively inexperienced shopper like myself. Let's see, today, I was shoved, pushed, glared at, scrutinised, measured and at the end of it all, I felt like a witless puppet. And who would have thought, exhausted ! It's bad enough that I speak really bad Cantonese, but to be forced to ask over-worked, stressed, harassed and strained salesgirls for available sizes in that particular language is harder than swimming across the Atlantic Ocean. Well, alright, that was an exaggeration. But it does illustrate my plight. No? In the end, I just did what most people do when in trouble. I run to mummy. = p It's true right? No sane person messes with mums.

Hehe, anyway, I shall concede by saying that although shopping isn't my cup of tea, it was a 'productive' day. I bought 2 jackets, 3 pants, a cool tee, 3 spaghetti straps ( earned a raised eyebrow from dad..... ) and a pair of shorts. Ooh, and 2 really cool bookmarks made of wire twisted in the rock sign, and three intertwined hearts. I do seem like an impulsive shopper eh? Truth is, I have this limit of tolerance. I get bored really easily and then I end up just nodding and agreeing with anything people push onto me because my brain starts taking a backseat and I just can't wait to get the whole ordeal over with. But, I'm still a girl at heart, and nothing beats the high of a good bargain. *wink* Seriously though, sometimes when I observe the mannerisms and well, idiosyncrasies of other shoppers..their determination reminds me of this line.."I want what I want when I need it" said by Gabrielle Solis, Desperate housewives. Well, right now, I want the feet massage I want since I need it. I'm such a lousy shopper..sigh.


Friday, April 28, 2006


For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” - Jeremiah 29:11

He calls himself the Hugging Machine. His infectious manner captivates an audience of diverse races and varying ages. He exudes charisma and is an inspiration to others. He's a living testimony of God's grace and mercy. He's an optimist, a fighter, a survivor. He rises above adversity and his secret weapon is his heart-warming smile and warm, loving character. He demonstrates a love and appreciation for life and never gives up. He's blonde, has nice eyes and sharp features. He, has no limbs.

Who is this guy who has been such an inspiration and an eye-opener to me? His name's Nick Vujicic and he's an Aussie. He was born with a birth defect, meaning he has no hands and no legs. What's heart-wrenching is the way he views and handles his disability. While others would have been cursing and questioning their fate, Nick takes it all in stride in a certainly brave manner. In the face of adversity, he found God. And now, he's giving talks and testifying how God turned his 'life without limbs into a life without limits'.

He must have come a long way in life. Seen much in his relatively young life. And done much more than an able-bodied person. The things he says often makes me feel so guilty and ungrateful in comparison. I quote " I see couples holding hands and I feel depressed because i will never be able to take my wife in my arms or hold my children to comfort them. How could i count it 'pure joy' being like this? Wouldn't it be great if a miracle happened and I was suddenly healed in front of your eyes? But you want to know the miracle God shows through my life?" He grins...and says " This is the miracle", referring to his ability to smile despite adversity.

This, my friends, is true courage. Bravery in the deepest sense. It takes nerves of steel to go through everyday like this. But one man did it. He did it with the help of God. He stands firm in his belief and he's among the top in the list of unsung heroes. From now one, I'll think of how blessed I am and count my blessings before I complain. People like him go through the thickest jungles, the driest deserts, the biggest storms and yet, they sing of praises to the Lord. What have I to go through in comparison? Nothing. I'm pampered, loved, and I have the gift of precious friendships. All which I value. It certainly is true how we disregard and take a lot of things for granted. I really take my cap off for people like Nick Vujicic. I feel much humbled and in awe. He clearly demonstrates the life of a person who walks closely with God. To make light of his disadvantages because he knows and believes that God has a bigger plan for him. And how right he is. His lifestory is one to applaud. His tenacity in overcoming obtacles is much admired. I believe his existence alone has changed the way people view life. He is the living proof that nothing is above God. That God is and will always be there to help us in life. It's only up to us to call upon Him.

Note: If you're interested to know more about Nick, buckle up for an inspiring ride to his website.