Tagged

Haha, I've been lost for a while now and I'm back to do a duty, albeit a tinge relunctantly and write this out. Well, at least I have something to blog about so no complaints there. So, here's 10 Things About Me You Probably didn't Know.

1. I used to want to be a firefighter way back when I still thought fire was cool and wanted to play heroine. Now compare that to the girl who now hardly cooks because she's afraid of flames.
2. I'm hopeless with things involving my motor skills. i.e : driving, operating complex machines, sports.
3. I hate crying in front of people. Truth is I hate crying. Period. For example I hardly shed a tear throughout Titanic. Maybe my heart's as unyielding and cold as the iceberg that sank the ship. *shrugs*
4. I can't stand it when people raise their voices. At me or at anyone else. It just unnerves me.
5. I have a very very very soft spot for teddy bears. Don't ask me why for I have not a clue.
6. I was given the chance to actually complete school one whole year earlier but never took the offer up. Good thing I didn't or life would have been so different. I might not have twined with the threads that colour my tapestry.
7. I'm pretty obsessed with the colour black. White too. Gets on my nerve when people tell me it brings bad luck. It's just a colour. Never fails to amaze me that while the world's in the throes of great modernisation people go about believing in this. I won't condemn them as long as they keep their noses out of my business.
8. I can have a razor sharp tongue when anger blinds me and all I see is red.
9. I used to be a bit of a feminist.
10. I used to have a rather serious thing going for Josh Groban's........voice. *insert dreamy expression here*

And that, wraps it up for this post. I shall not tag anyone specifically but those who would like to do this, I'm all eager to find out those 10 things about you. Toodles !

Nothingness

How fast time flies. My break is over. Alright, I shall not go into that area. Or that shall occupy an entirely new post. The Chinese New Year past by in a breeze. Thankfully. Maybe it's just some perverse nature in me but a part of me kinda detests festivals. They're just so draining and time consuming.

Anyway, for lack of something better to blog about, my head is now filled with visions of cute cute babies. My roomie has been filling me with stories of her very adorable nephew. All those cutesy stories are making me drool for babies to PLAY with. Ah yes, let me clarify. Other people's babies to play with. Weirdly, I have no desire to have babies of my own in the near future. I plan to enjoy at least another decade before embracing any maternal instincts. That is, if I have any :P

I'm currently wishing that at least someone in the family would get hitched soon and get babies :P Okay, this has been a dumb rambling post. A by-product of that thing called boredom.

Love and be loved

Love is like a mustard seed;planted by God and watered by men- Muda Saint Michael

Today’s the day again. When pink and red heart shaped thingamajigs adorn various shop-fronts, overgrown teddy bears sit contentedly inside shop windows, covered in frilly, lacey strewn bits of God alone knows what. Flowers of every species and colour seem to bloom out of nowhere, their prices blooming up together with them. What’s all the fuss about? Two words. Valentine’s Day.

There are many versions of the story surrounding the birth of this very lovey-dovey day, but they all have the same theme. Celebrating Love. These days Valentine’s day has been so commercialized that we forget the reason it exists in the first place. It’s not a day limited to boyfriend-girlfriend or husband-wife relationships. It’s a day where people get together and celebrate love. Love for a friend, a brother, a sister, parents. A day where we humbly appreciate everyone in our life for being little parts that make you whole.

I have heard of people who get terribly, unbelievably down at the thought of Valentine’s Day simply because he or she doesn’t have a date when everyone else seems to receiving a truckload of flowers, gifts and chocolates. No offence, but isn’t that rather silly? Isn’t that egoistic? To want the whole world to know that you’re ‘loved’ just on ONE day? Isn’t that too showy? I mean seriously, if you get a whole bunch of flowers in the office, what the heck are you gonna do with it the rest of the day? Leave it on your desk to wilt? Stuff it in your water container?

Besides that, what’s the big deal if you don’t have a date for Valentine’s? It’s a day to commemorate love, is love merely limited to romantic relationships? What about family? Can’t you love your friends and those around you? Why the big hue and cry if you have to spend Valentine’s ‘alone’?

Love is not something to be exploited. Love is when a mother puts her life before her child’s. Love is when a dog defends its master regardless of its own safety. It’s when feelings defy the principle of maths and logic. It’s when one plus one becomes one, not two. Hearts beating in tandem. Love is not measured by how overstuffed the teddy bear is, or how big the bouquet of flowers are, or how many digits are on the tag of expensive trinkets. In truth, love is measured by how much you care. It’s sown in faith, watered in joy, and pruned with trust. It’s not cordoned off to how grand and showy one day can be, but by how much the other 364 days matter in the equation. Valentine’s can be everyday if you know how to value what it’s all about. Similarly, it can be just any other day if it’s callously ‘celebrated’.

Innocence

Innocence. One word. Bliss. There are times when you just wish fervently that you could go back. Go back to the times when innocence was something taken for granted. When you could look at the skies and wish upon stars, really believing that your wishes could really come through. Times when the only ghosts that exists are those in your closet, not those in your mind. The shattering of innocence, the surfacing of reality.

Time transcends all things. That swing in the park that used to make you think you could reach up and touch the sky evolves into a plank of wood held up by chains. Grown-ups don’t seem so gargantuan anymore. Pain is promoted to an emotional level. Your mind begins to point out things that your eyes refuse to acknowledge. A seed of doubt blossoms into a tree that takes root deep down in your heart. And then you start wishing. Wishing that you could turn back time. Wishing that you could limit your thoughts to nothing beyond ice-cream and cakes. Wishing that sometimes, fairy-tales were more than fiction. Wishing that happy endings do exist. Wishing that time doesn't change things.

But in it all, you shake at the thought of mortality. You wish you could outrun time, but ever persistent, it catches up with you, in the form of Age. Ask someone, what would you like to do before you die? Answers would probably range from watching the sun rise in the smile of a loved one, climb Mount Everest, go sky-diving, meet up with long lost friends, walk my little girl down the aisle, knowing she’ll be cared for. Different people, caught in different phases in life.

3 words

I am back

Life

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. -- Lou Erickso

Time sure flies. It’s been a while since the last time I actually sat down to seriously blog. Random things have crossed my mind these last few days. Last Sunday in church, it suddenly hit me that so much time has just slid past. It’s somewhat like trying to hold a fistful of sand in your hand, but the effort is futile because the sand will somehow seep through the gaps between your fingers.

Before I digressed, I was about to elucidate what I meant by how fast time flies. I was sitting next to Josh in church and in a moment of spontaneity, I turned to him and stuck my tongue out at him. And then it dawned on me that my baby brother had grown into a young man. Was the transition from child to teenager so smooth that it passed me by so stealthily? And then, the irrevocable truth made itself apparent to me. He was growing up. Fast. So am I.

Life is an intricate tapestry, our lives are interwoven in the strands that make up the whole picture. Josh and I started from the same root, but as we grow, it is inevitable that those threads of life that used to be so close would slowly wind away, weaving a part of the big picture alone. We’d still be close, after all, blood is thicker than water, but we’d have our own stories to weave. And it’s a little sad that we’ll continue on this journey in life without being a part of each other, living behind the simplistic, idealistic cover of childhood dreams and slaying our own dragons. One day, he’ll meet someone, and he’ll share a large part of his life with that special someone. That day, I hope he knows how much his sister loves him.

I’m somewhat aloof and detached from my peers. It’s not that I’m arrogant or self-superior or anything. It’s just that I think it is such an effort to smile when you don’t really mean it. Hypocrites repel me yet it disgusts me even more when I am one. I am an observer, rarely a participant. People think I’m Miss Goody-two-shoes but heck, I was made that way, am that way, and always will be that way. Is it so wrong to want to be different? Are others insecure with variety because it shakes their own foundations? Well, then honey, I daresay your foundations weren’t stable to begin with. You can’t have everything in life. You can’t expect people to bow at your every wish. You just have to learn to be contented with what cards life deals you.

There is a part of me that clamours to belong. Yet there is another part of me that wants to be recognized as an individual. Not just the girl who attends the same lecture with you. Or the classmate who sits in front of you in class. I want to be remembered as the one who made you smile when you were down, the one who challenged you intellectually. The one who’s opinionated and who can actually think. I want to cease being a shadow, a non-existent phantom-ish being. I want to be different. Unique. Never conforming to the general specifics of anything. I have a veritable temper and yet I can be docile. I am shockingly outspoken and yet tenaciously clammed up when I choose to be. I don’t ever again want to be just a name or a face in the crowd. I want to be me.

Can't help thinking about you

You’ve been with me right after I sat for my PMR examinations. You were the spark that made me excited to get it over and done with for I knew that our journey would begin right after I penned the last word on my question paper.

Almost three years has passed since I first held you in my hands. I remember almost vividly how ecstatic I was to actually own you. To have you witness and help me immortalize those precious moments in life. Birthdays, Christmases, funny moments and touching glimmers of those little figments in life.

There are days when I think how charming it would be to have you by my side. To capture that beautiful scene or to catch someone unawares. But then I remember. You’re lost to me forever.

This year’s Christmas would pass by without me being able to make time stand still for just that once. I hope your new owners treat you nice. I hate to think of the fact that fate dealt you in the hands of a nincompoop who wasn’t able to take responsibility by the reins and actually be a man. It’s saddening to think that such people would actually grow up and ‘contribute’ to the lowly, vile habits of a certain group in community.

P.S : This post has been inanely posted during one of those nostalgia-stricken bouts of frustration I get everytime I think of how some imbecile laid hands and kidnapped my digicam. And by the way, I’ll try my best to come up with something better the next time. There were so many occasions when I saw things or read about issues and I’d go “ Hey, I’d like to blog about this” But then the moment I sit in front of my laptop, Poof! The inspiration just deserts me. Bah.

Well, guess I’d better go now

Till later,

Spheres

We're all inhabitants of our own spheres, spheres that will never conjoin, they may just brush against each other, but they'll never belong together. Never exist together as one.

Meme

Ah, if it isn't the return of the prodigal blogger. I've been meaning to blog more. Honestly, I have. It's just that I've been this cocktail, a drugging concoction of laziness, 'business' and way too much leisure indulgences.

I've been skipping Math lectures for the past few weeks to go back home. And by home I mean Ipoh, where good food, good company and the lazy bug resides. Ah, heavenly.

Anyway, I've been doing some catching up and decided to addresss the matter of doing my 'tagged duty'. Memes usually become a little of a challenge to me since I don't really like answering quizzes, but at least I can't say I don't have anything to blog about. So, here goes......

Four places that I've lived in:
1. Ipoh
2. Setapak, KL
3. Penang
4. Urm...Pahang?

Four things that not many people know about me:
1. I can get a little obsessive-compulsive at times.
2. I used to be a cynic. Big time. I probably still am, practicality and logic usually wins the battle for me.
3. I keep most things to myself. I don't believe in telling the entire world, all and sundry my innermost feelings. I like keeping my private life private. Friends have often told me that I'm hard to second-guess, almost impossible to decipher and usually impassive. It takes literally eons before I open-up to anybody.
4. I have a soft spot for girly frilly lacey pretty utterly useless, dust-collecting things. So sue me.

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1. The sound of music
2. The Princess Diaries
3. Mary Poppins
4. A walk to remember

Four TV shows that I love(d) to watch:
1. One Tree Hill
2. CSI
3. Barney the dinosaur ( =p don't you just love the adorable, million-dollar smile purple old chap?)
4. Desperate Housewives

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Camerons
2. Penang ( love the beach )
3. Langkawi ( sandy beaches and lolling waves, what more can I ask for)
4. Gentings?

Four of my favourite foods:
1. Pizza
2. Sour and spicy fish vermicelli
3. Pasta
4. Erm...laksa

Four places I would rather be in:
1. Home
2. Australia
3. Switzerland
4. New Zealand

Four favourite songs:
1. You raise me up - Josh Groban
2. Help me make it through the night - Kris Kristofferson
3. L-O-V-E - Nat King Cole
4. Secret Love - Mandy Moore

Four persons whom I tag:
1. Fiona
2. Wan Aisyah
3. Josh
4. whoever else wants to do it

Phew, that was draining. Guess that's all for tonight. Toodles.

Updates on life

Well, I'm back. After a seemingly long absence. Not that I think anyone has missed my crapping here. Anyway, the holidays have breezed past and the second semester kicked off to a start last week. The first week has been somewhat........eventful.

Boy, the holidays have certainly made me somewhat addled, if I may say so. I'm getting pretty rusty. Especially in writing. Formally. Yesterday, we were asked to write an essay for English, it was a free-topic essay, nothing less than 350 words. ( Great, just the kind I 'love' ) Anyway, in a state of extreme rustiness and creakiness, I took a painful 20 minutes to think of something to write about. After eliminating topics like My Brother, My House, My family, My Dog, My Cat and the likes, I finally settled on something I titled ' Dancing with Danger '. It took me almost an hour and a half just to complete the darn essay. To think of how we had to finish essays in 45 minutes last time, times that seem like eons ago now.

First class of English passed by uneventfully. As usual, we were asked to introduce ourselves and tell little bits about ourselves. When it came to my turn, I ran out of things to talk about after stating how many siblings I have. So the lecturer, after taking extreme pity with my seeming plight asked me..."So, tell us, what's so special about Ipoh?" To which my befuddled brain only managed to choke up " It's urm....urm....urm..quiet !...ya quiet ! " *nods head in the affirmative* And then there was this little voice in my head that went " Well, great going gal, so is Timbuktu. " When the lecturer asked me whether that's all I have to say, I sank gratefully down back in my seat. Ah well, that just goes to prove I don't think that well on my feet when part of my mind's still stuck somewhere else.

Yesterday, we boarded the wrong bus from college to get to the LRT station. The mortifying thing of all was the driver was snickering at us. Openly !. From my seat I could see his bushy moustache twitching. Gosh, to think that we wasted a precious 20 minutes and 60 cents just to go for a joy ride round the area. It was pretty humiliating to step down again from the bus at the same spot where we were picked up.

Well, if the last week was a glimpse and a mere prelude to what we can expect from the next sem, I think we're heading on an interesting ride. I guess that's all I can think about for the moment, forgive me but I've squeezed out every last drop of 'inspiration juice' while attempting yesterday's essay. For now, toodles!

Life

In the blink of an eye, a week of the holidays have drifted by. Some days were spent being 'productive'..others...were left to laze and glide by. I was doing some random surfing today and came across this. 'Chat with God'.. really inspirational and insightful if I may say so. Do read through it. It helped answer some questions I had. It might just help you too.


God : Hello. Did you call me?
Me: Called you? No.. who is this?
God : This is GOD. I heard your prayers. So I thought I will chat.
Me: I do pray. Just makes me feel good. I am actually busy now. I am in the midst of something.
God : What are you busy at? Ants are busy too.
Me: Don't know. But I cant find free time. Life has become hectic. It's rush hour all the time.
God : Sure. Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results. Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
Me: I understand. But I still can't figure out. By the way, I was not expecting YOU to buzz me on instant messaging chat.
God : Well I wanted to resolve your! fight for time, by giving you some clarity. In this net era, I wanted to reach you through the medium you are comfortable with.
Me: Tell me, why has life become complicated now?
God : Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated.
Me: why are we then constantly unhappy?
God : Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday.You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
Me: But how can we not worry when there is so much uncertainty?
God : Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional.
Me: But then, there is so much pain due to uncertainty..
God : Pain is inevit! able, but suffering is optional.
Me: If suffering is optional, why do good people always suffer?
God : Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life become better not bitter.
Me: You mean to say such experience is useful?
God : Yes. In every terms, Experience is a hard teacher. She gives the test first and the lessons afterwards.
Me: But still, why should we go through such tests? Why cant we be free from problems?
God : Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons (to) Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you! are free from problems.
Me: Frankly in the midst of so many problems, we don't know where we are heading..
God : If you look outside you will not know where you are heading.Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
Me: Sometimes not succeeding fast seems to hurt more than moving in the right direction. What should I do?
God : Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
Me: In tough times, how do you stay motivated?
God : Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
Me: What surprises you about people?
God : when they suffer they ask, "why me?" When they prosper, they never ask "Why me" Everyone wishes to have truth on their side, but few want to be on the side of the truth.
Me: Sometimes I ask, who am I, why am I here. I cant get the answer.
God : Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery but a process of creation.
Me: How can I get the best out of life?
God : Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
Me: One last question. Sometimes I feel my prayers are not answered.
God : There are no unanswered prayers. At times the answer is NO.
Me: Thank you for this wonderful chat.
God : Well. Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve not a problem to resolve. Trust me. Life is wonderful if you know how to live. "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that took our breath away!

Grace and Glory

God says, " I have carried you since you were born: I have taken care of you from your birth. Even when you are old, I wil be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will tkae care of you. I made you will take care of you" - taken from Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren

It’s Sunday today and I think it’s apt that I dedicate a post to He who made it all possible. I’ve been putting this song on repeat the whole morning. ‘Worthy is The Lamb’. These past three months have taught me a lot on life’s lessons. Tomorrow marks the last day of m first semester in college. And it is with a slight nostalgic feeling that I leave this place. This room where I’ve been spending three months of my life in. But don’t hear me wrong, I’m glad as can be to be leaving for the semester break. A whole blissful month back home.

Yesterday, I had the severest attack of gastric ever. And to top it off, I sprained my right shoulder and neck pretty badly. It came to a point where I couldn’t even turn my head. Combing my hair and tying it up was no mean feat. But, in it all, I learnt a lesson. I’ve been mulling things over the whole morning. I’ve decided to be more carefree. Come to think of it, I’m only eighteen. Far too young to be cynical and jaded like I used to be. With age comes responsibility they say. And I guess I’m responsible to live life to the fullest.

God gave me life. And I owe it to Him to make the fullest out of it. It is comforting to know that God’s always there. It is indeed a joy to know God. A feeling I can’t exactly put into words. God has been there for me through the darkest moments. Through those times when I needed comfort most. Know God, and regret not. God is the one who’ll accept us for who we are. Because he made us that way. I’ve spent a great deal of my life living up to expectations. It gets tiring at times. And through the despair of disappointments, I sometimes get that glimmer of hope that things will turn out for the better. I’ve been through times when I thought no one would understand. Times when I’ve felt so alone. But I was wrong. God was there for me always. I was wrong to try to live up to seemingly impossible expectations, to seek to be perfect when God made me unique in my own special way. To fear when there was no need to fear. God made everyone unique. What we see as flaws may be what God sees as special. Sometimes, we don’t need to conform to what people will think of us. I remember this quote I once read. If I’m not mistaken, it was by Roald Dahl. Be who you are, for those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind. This may not be in verbatim for I can’t remember the exact words.

I have a lecturer here who goes around saying “ Jesus loves you” “God bless you Sister/Brother” “Jesus is only knocking on the door of your heart, hoping you’d open the door for him”. I think that’s what I’ll remember him for. He wouldn’t be teaching us anymore after this semester but I think in a way, I’ll miss his quirky self.

I’ll leave this post with the lyrics for the song ‘Worthy is the Lamb’ for it reflects a thousand times what I want to say.

Thank you for the cross, Lord
Thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
In love You came
And gave amazing grace

Thank you for this love, Lord
Thank you for the nail pierced hands
Washed me in Your cleansing flow
Now all I knowYour forgiveness and embrace

Worthy is the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Crown You now with many crowns
You reign victoriousHigh and lifted up

Jesus Son of God
The Darling of Heaven crucified
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

It's good

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. -- Anonymous

It's good to.....

• have a nice, fluffy soft bed to lie on after a hard day
• have a steaming cuppa soup on a cool rainy day
• have a shoulder to lean on
• rest, relax and watch the world whirl by
• curl up with a good book and a cup of tea
• idle chat about nothing and everything under the sun
• laugh and cry and surrender to that very thing that makes us human - emotions
• dress up and paint the town red
• know God exists
• take a leisure evening stroll on a cool, breezy day
• have someone to babble on and on and on to on a sucky day
• watch the sun go off to bed
• listen to the waves sing their endless medley
• know that days pass and waiting won't be in vain
• indulge

It all begins

Six billion people in the world, six billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is ONE – One Tree Hill

The first semester started off in bright and springy May and it’s now coming to a slow albeit inevitable end in the cool month of September. How fast time flies. I remember the day when we first enrolled, how we needed a map to navigate around. How everything looked so new and fresh and exciting. Unexplored terrains, limitless knowledge just waiting to be acquired. I remember stepping into college with stars in my eyes, all happy to have ‘graduated’ from high school and now taking the next big step.

Anyway, today the first exam of the first final semester exam of the first semester of the first year of college finally commenced. It’s a bit surreal how things have progressed. Sometimes I look back and relive these past few months and it seems as if I’m reading life from a storybook. A never ending storybook

College examinations are pretty stiff. We aren’t allowed near the examination venues till a certain time. And to top it off, they blow a whistle. Yup, like a piercing, silence-slashing, screeching, nerve-wrecking shrill whistle. I have no idea why, but I was so tensed up by then that I almost wanted to laugh hysterically when the whistle blew seemingly out of nowhere. The test progressed pretty well after that. Hopefully.

Someone has been feeding me stories which has gotten me all sappy and soft and moist-eyed on a Saturday night...

A pair of teenagers were traveling over 100 mph

Girl : You’re going too fast
Guy: No, this is fun !
Girl: No, it’s scary. Stop it
Guy: Only if you say you love me
Girl: Fine, I love you.
Guy: And give me a BIG hug
*Girl hugs him
Guy: Now take my helmet and put it on yourself. It’s bugging me

(next day in the papers)
A motorbike crashes into a building because of the brakes failing






Why did I post this, you may wonder, but there’s another part to this story.


Only one person died in the crash. The girl survived since she was wearing the helmet. Truth is, the guy realized earlier on that his brakes were not functioning so he devised this so that he could hear her say “I love you” and have her hug him one last time. He made her take his helmet so that she’ll survive even though he knew he would not.

Now, isn’t that just touching. Though I wouldn’t want to spoil the emotional quality of it by wondering why the girl wasn’t wearing a helmet in the first place.

With that, I’m going to sign off. Hopefully I’ll survive the exams, then I might just have something thought-provoking to blog about later. Till then, ciao !

Exams

It's those dreaded times again. The finals are approaching faster and faster with the mercy of a bullet-train. My days have been filled with 'wonderful' activities...Amongst them, wrestling with confusing Math questions, battling Engineering Science, trying to conquer Visual Basic albeit unsuccessfully, and mind-feeding myself with Production Engineering.

It's a slow Sunday today. And there's really nothing much to do if you ignore the high pile of work to be done currently residing pretty comfortably on my desk. The semester is now winding down to its inevitable end. Many things have happened throughout the course of this semester. New friends have been made, dear friends have been missed dearly. New knowledge has been acquired. I've gone through experiences I wouldn't have gone through otherwise. I know the basics of life-saving though I daren't put my skills to the test. My Mandarin's still as crappy as it first was when I came in. I still can't dive.

Being in a course that's generally populated by guys has it's perks and downs. For one, when it comes to the workshop, the guys usually display 'gentlemanly' attributes and help the 'fairer sex' get our work done. That means we don't have to do the hard work. But, we end up doing almost all the cleaning after that. The downside of being amongst the few girls in class is the lecturers pick up your name fast. And you find yourself getting called up during lectures ! Pretty scary. Like yesterday, my friend and I were sitting in the lecture hall, minding our own business when the lecturer suddenly spoke into the mike

" Joanne ( somehow they can't get my name right) and Kimbery (this is worse, they forget that L is part of the pronounciation and she gets called Kim-Be-Ri instead of Kimberly) what are you both doing there? Came in late is it? This questions should be 'wet-wet-water' for you both right? "

* 'wet-wet-water' is a direct translation from the chinese phrase meaning 'piece of cake' which has become a 'trend' to use here.Somehow, I find it really irritating, especially if the lecturer starts using it.

Anyway, for one thing, I hate being in the spotlight and when such a 'public-announcement' is made, all eyes would inevitably turn to us. Secondly, we were not late for the lecture. And to make such an assumption was a bit unfair to us and thoroughly presumptuous of the said lecturer.Well, I digress.

Back to the topic, I haven't blogged properly in ages but I promise I shall try my best to come up with something better than " I don't really have much to blog about", "I really can't think of anything substantial at the moment", "I have nothing to write here but since my blog's been looking pathetic I decided to drop by and get a round of crapping done". "I can't think of anything to write yet my fingers can't stop it's frenzied tip-tapping"...ah, ONE meaning,so many ways to put it.

Being away from home has taught me how to appreciate things. Things I used to take for-granted. I miss fooling around with my brother. I miss his *ahem* sometimes lame jokes, his wise-ass cracks, his insatiable thurst for graphic thingamajigs, his bottomless stomach and his act-coolness. I miss grandpa's steady calmness and the way he used to spoil us silly with snacks. I miss everything about Ipoh. Even the hotter than hot weather.

On an entirely different note, I realised lightning is beautiful in an awesome way. It really is. The way a sudden blaze of electric-blue illuminates the dark sky. And the sharp crack that accompanies it. There was a thunderstorm on Friday evening. We switched off the lights and rested on the bed. I was facing the window and it was spellboundingly magical to just lie down and watch the lightning play across the sky, while claps of thunder punctuated every voltage-packed firework. A majestic orchestra of sounds and light.

Randomness

Wow, it's been a while since I last blogged. Work's been piling up recently. In the blink of an eye, the final semester examinations have finally come knocking on our door. And, I've still got loads to study and I'm still sitting here, blogging when I've honestly got nothing much to blog about. Alright, maybe I do have some thoughts buzzing through my mind but I can't put them into words for now.

A few things about studying here..:
- I've used so much more Cantonese than I ever did the rest of my life.
- I don't remember eating so much Malay food prior to coming here this. I used to be picky and all.well, people sure change.
- Sometimes it hits me that I've been living 'independantly' for almost 3 months now. It's something big for me since I've never left home prior to this. Thank God for a roommate who can be as crazy as me at times. Chatting till the wee hours of the morning about anything and nothing...
- My English seems to be deteriorating as the days pass. To remedy this, Kim and I have started or at least attempted to speak using the most complex words as possible to substitute simpler words whenever we converse, effectively causing eyebrows to raise whenever we launch into our litany of 'thesaurus-obtained' words.
- The sunsets here are simply breathtaking ! Or maybe it's the same everywhere but I only realised them here since I've got so much time on my hands and nothing to do.
- I discovered I'm pretty much afraid of everything. Enough said.
- I've come to the conclusion that Ipoh food rawks. KL food....let's just leave it at that.

I think that's all I can purge out.
Till 'inspiration' strikes next,
Aloha !

Break

They say happiness is self-gained. In many ways I think that's really true. One man's meat may be another's poison. I've been 'philosophy-ing' the past few days. Thinking about life's quirky ways. Sometimes life seems a bit of a game. Sometimes it's a waiting game, sometimes it's thrilling, sometimes you lose some but then again, you gain some. Justice may be a very subjective word. Happiness too for that matter. Anyway, I was taking a short break from the books and decided to do these.....

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice themYou take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be pickyYou aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounterIt may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You A Girl Or a Woman?

Random thoughts

Today started pretty horribly. It was bad enough that Kim and I overslept and had to make a mad rush in order to get to class on time, but as if to add some spice and sprinkle some ‘excitement’ into an otherwise dreary Tuesday morning, the lock on our door got conveniently jammed. So there we were, a couple of fools trying to ‘un-jam’ the errant lock. Our efforts, much to our chagrin, ended in vain. We had to ask the security office for their ‘professional’ help. Boy, did I wish I didn’t enlist the help of that surly, burly old man. He glared at us as if it was our fault that the lock got jammed. He then dismantled the whole doorknob and re-fixed it. Then, he forced me to test it 2 times, in a really ‘unfriendly’, stern manner. All the while saying “OK?! OK?! Don’t say it’s jammed again. OK?!” in Malay. Ya, Mr. Locksmith, we woke up this morning and by means of a good morning greeting said to our dear door-lock “ Hey mate, would you do us a favour and go jam yourself?”

5 minutes after he left, I opened the door to go to the washroom. Much to my horror, the door did not budge open at all ! The only thing I held fisted in my palm was the doorknob! Detached from the door. As I stared dumbly and rather stupidly at the knob, I couldn’t suppress the hysterical laughter that bubbled up my throat. When Kim saw what happened, she just said “Shit” and we convulsed into helpless laughter. Having had such a bad experience with the security guy, we endeavoured to ‘repair’ our own door, which basically involved us shoving the whole doorknob back into the doorhole?(whatever it’s called) but not without a lot of prayer before that.

The whole campus is abuzz with the recent news of the fatal attack on one of our fellow collegemates. I was horrified to learn that there was another case which happened barely 5 minutes later after the first one. It’s truly tragic and saddening that such a thing could have happened. And to someone so young. You read about such cases in the newspapers practically on a daily basis but when it happens to someone your age, someone your friends know,someone from your hometown and for the past 5 years studied in the school adjacent to yours, the sense of unreality hits you even as reality itself sinks in.

I was walking back from the canteen after dinner today and I beheld a beautiful sight. A sight that very seriously stole my breath. The sky was splashed a mellow hue of orange, while white, fluffy clouds were tinged in a halo of gold,reflecting flecks of pink. And in that instant, it hit me how utterly lucky I was.To be able to see something so simple yet beautiful. How lucky I was to be alive. How blessed I am to be able to breathe without the aid of beeping machines, to be able to run and laugh and be a part of life in all it has to offer. The ups, the downs, the whole rollercoaster ride life itself is. It hit me that out there, there are kids leaving this world even before they get the chance to savour the banquet life has spread out. That people like Lee Khian Yip will never ever be able to watch the sun set ever again. That how often we take simple things like this for granted when these are the things we need to treasure the most. Family, friends, and simplistic beauty. And in all that, sorrow is an essential part of the opera of life. For without sorrow, how then will we know what true happiness is?

Random thoughts

Today started pretty horribly. It was bad enough that Kim and I overslept and had to make a mad rush in order to get to class on time, but as if to add some spice and sprinkle some ‘excitement’ into an otherwise dreary Tuesday morning, the lock on our door got conveniently jammed. So there we were, a couple of fools trying to ‘un-jam’ the errant lock. Our efforts, much to our chagrin, ended in vain. We had to ask the security office for their ‘professional’ help. Boy, did I wish I didn’t enlist the help of that surly, burly old man. He glared at us as if it was our fault that the lock got jammed. He then dismantled the whole doorknob and re-fixed it. Then, he forced me to test it 2 times, in a really ‘unfriendly’, stern manner. All the while saying “OK?! OK?! Don’t say it’s jammed again. OK?!” in Malay. Ya, Mr. Locksmith, we woke up this morning and by means of a good morning greeting said to our dear door-lock “ Hey mate, would you do us a favour and go jam yourself?”

5 minutes after he left, I opened the door to go to the washroom. Much to my horror, the door did not budge open at all ! The only thing I held fisted in my palm was the doorknob! Detached from the door. As I stared dumbly and rather stupidly at the knob, I couldn’t suppress the hysterical laughter that bubbled up my throat. When Kim saw what happened, she just said “Shit” and we convulsed into helpless laughter. Having had such a bad experience with the security guy, we endeavoured to ‘repair’ our own door, which basically involved us shoving the whole doorknob back into the doorhole?(whatever it’s called) but not without a lot of prayer before that.

The whole campus is abuzz with the recent news of the fatal attack on one of our fellow collegemates. I was horrified to learn that there was another case which happened barely 5 minutes later after the first one. It’s truly tragic and saddening that such a thing could have happened. And to someone so young. You read about such cases in the newspapers practically on a daily basis but when it happens to someone your age, someone your friends know,someone from your hometown and for the past 5 years studied in the school adjacent to yours, the sense of unreality hits you even as reality itself sinks in.

I was walking back from the canteen after dinner today and I beheld a beautiful sight. A sight that very seriously stole my breath. The sky was splashed a mellow hue of orange, while white, fluffy clouds were tinged in a halo of gold,reflecting flecks of pink. And in that instant, it hit me how utterly lucky I was.To be able to see something so simple yet beautiful. How lucky I was to be alive. How blessed I am to be able to breathe without the aid of beeping machines, to be able to run and laugh and be a part of life in all it has to offer. The ups, the downs, the whole rollercoaster ride life itself is. It hit me that out there, there are kids leaving this world even before they get the chance to savour the banquet life has spread out. That people like Lee Khian Yip will never ever be able to watch the sun set ever again. That how often we take simple things like this for granted when these are the things we need to treasure the most. Family, friends, and simplistic beauty. And in all that, sorrow is an essential part of the opera of life. For without sorrow, how then will we know what true happiness is?

The beginning? The end?

I wanted to write something uplifting today. But I'm simply not in the mood to do so. I want to rant and scream and swear and curse and kick and throw something but no, I'm holding on to the last thread of composure as if my very life depended on it. My msn display picture currently reads "I will not give up, I will not give in." And I'm seriously psych-ing myself to do so.

College so far, in all it's naked 'glory', bare truth, and painful honesty, SUCKS! At least for me it does. Maybe the problem lies within me. They say college life is the best time of your life. But I've tried, I've tried really hard to learn to adapt but I can't. It's awful here if you don't speak Mandarin, and your Cantonese is mediocre. And people think you're a snotty b**** because of that. And they tell you " You know, knowing how to speak English alone is not good..." Well, thank you very much, but I'm very well aware of that fact. Why is it that they laugh at you when you're trying to learn but then they tell you it's 'not good' not to be able to speak Chinese. Ya, my Cantonese sucks, my Mandarin is unintelligible. BEAR WITH IT ! I'm trying hard too, you don't see me commenting on your 'excellent' command of English. Sometimes, I don't even know why I bother.

It's been close to 3 months since I left home for college. And by each passing day, I miss my Ipoh friends more and more. What Ms. Pushpa said last time during Eng. Lit. was so true. Friends you make in college will never share the same bond as those friends you had all the way through primary and secondary school. I miss them so much. In a way, I took the times we shared together for granted. But I know now that they share a part of me that no one else will ever be able to replace. People here are little more than acquintances. Passing ships in life. You never know what you have until you lose it. How painfully, achingly true.

Mum told me that when God gives you a test, he'll not give you something you can't handle. I hope I'll be able to overcome all this. The frustration I'm suppresing deep inside is coming very close to the surface. I can't go anywhere alone in this 'pleasant' area because it's way too freaking dangerous.It's hard to find friends here because I don't speak the common language. If only you know how much I miss you. Sigh. I may be just making a mountain out of a mole-hill. I hope so. Is this the end of the beginning or the beginning of the end?

Oddly enough, I feel infinitely better after letting all this out. I think I'll call it a day. With that...I bid you all goodnight.