Blindness

Blindness, 

is not the loss of physical sight, 

It is not the inability for your eyes to absorb 

and process colours and images

Blindness, 

is the inability to let go

even when holding on leaves scars on the very palms that grip

Blindness, 

is the inability to absorb thoughts, 

to see that it has to take white to make a sea of grey,

and that even in the right light, 

the black glitters 

Blindness, 

is the rash tongue, 

the unforgiving heart 

and the vengeful spirit

Blindness, 

is the stubborn soul

that refuses to be vulnerable, pliant, human

Blindness, 

is the inability to see that by not forgiving

and by building a cage for every hurt, pain and injustice, 

you invest so much of yourself 

until every curve, every bar, every sinewy joint of that unyielding prison,

becomes you. 

The eyes and the soul

I have a story to tell, her eyes beseeched.

Fragile emerald veins, the evidence of the years cobwebbing across pale, white skin. A faint pulse ticks the passing seconds, each one a reminder of the memories lived with each inhale and exhale of breath.

Her hands are still elegant, with only a faded wedding band on her slim tapered fingers. These hands held his in a sunlit meadow, put the ring on her husband’s on their wedding day, and cradled her children, soothed cuts, bruises and combed back unruly curls.

Lips that were once rosy and full, now a shadow of whispered love, of bedtime stories and kisses that cured scraped knees and wise words that balmed broken hearts. Sometimes, they remember her, always armed with a winsome smile and a razor sharp retort for low esteem days, kind words for dark days, and a joke for days when even the clouds seem heavier and burdened.

But it is her eyes that do the speaking. These cool calm pools belying the feisty outspoken girl, the willful teenager, and the courageous woman. It is her eyes that are arresting, hooked up on tubes and often alone, her eyes blaze with the life that refuses to be tamed down simply because time lost the tag team race with age.

I have a story to tell, her eyes beseeched.

*** How often we forget the elderly and the wonderful lives they've led. How often we forsake to see that we're but a bud grafted onto the trees nurtured by the ones who lived and saw these things way before we ever did *** 

A Study in Character and Emotion

Meet Anger. Anger has this knack for choosing victims to approach. In a weak moment, he snickers and says 

“ Go ahead. Lash out. It’ll do you good. It feels GOOD doesn’t it ? They hurt you, they annoyed you, you deserve to feel this simmering heat and burn. Hey look, there’s a rock, take it and throw it at this and that person”.  

He nudges Hurt, so Hurt wails and stamps her feet : 

“ Focus on me. It’s really all about me. Look how I’m bleeding. Really, life has been so cruel “. 

Resentment looks on, resolutely stewing in a corner and suddenly Rashness comes sprinting in, a bat in hand screaming 

“ Do it ! Do the damage and be done with it ! “. 

Immaturity comes sauntering in, nodding a vehement encouragement, goading you on 

“ Come on … why don’t you listen ? You're not half the (wo)man I thought you were ! We know what’s best for you. Follow your heart “

You take a step in their direction, Determination cringes in a distance, but suddenly Wisdom lays a gentle firm hand on your shoulder and whispers, listen to Patience. Thankfully, Optimism comes in, and Strength takes your arm, encouraging you to walk away with Courage, and you’ll find that Peace waits a little further on, away from Chaos. 

Pic credits

*** Very often, we find ourselves in situations led by anger, and in a surge of emotion, we react according to the first thing that comes to mind. But like the flip side of a coin, there's always always an alternative reaction, the one that sits away from it all, the one that marks the difference between maturity, and juuuussst getting there. 

Au revoir et bonjour

Dear 2012,

In what seems like the blink of an eye, you're finally coming to a close, and whilst it's been a good year, it's also been a year rife with low dips and high peaks. 

There's been a lot to commemorate this year. As the days weaved in and out, friendships were made and lost, love was found and reinforced, and we grew, oh how we all grew. Through the heartaches interspersed with the little successes, I'm no longer the girl I was at the start of the year. When all's been said and done, there are two important attitudes to have towards life. Gratitude and acceptance. So yes, I'm immensely grateful for all the wonderful, and I'm gradually learning to accept the things that I have no power to change. 

Since we've gotten all sappy and reflective, here are a few snapshots of 2012 

I said yes !!! *deep breaths* ( September 2012 )

Gave my room a facelift 

Splurged on books at a book fair ( this stack grew, but I'm too ashamed to show the full collection *gulps*.. ) 

Got an award 

Christmas 2012  ( my first away from family, but great company salved the homesickness )

In it all, thank you for the many sunsets, many bright mornings and many starlit nights. Cheers, and may 2013 bring about new discoveries, memories and experiences !

xoxo, 

Jo 

I'm falling for your eyes, they don't know me yet

A crowded street, a cacophony of sounds, sights and smells, and then I saw you. In that one instant, the world stood still, the air bristled with tension and the street tilted, pushing a part of my heart in your direction.

Perhaps it was the shifting shadows, or that one instant flash of recognition, but I looked away, just as you turned around. That look in your eyes before it skittered away .. I wondered what a day in your life looked like. Did you have someone at home waiting for you ? Did you kiss her in the morning before you left the house ? Will you be cooking dinner together, sipping a glass of wine while you trade the details of the day ? Do you plan of distant futures, do you laugh at the same jokes, do you vocalize the secrets she buries in her heart, do you ? 

Because stranger, I'm falling for your eyes, they just don't know me yet.

***

This is the first in a series of something I've been wanting to do for a while now. Take a sentence of a song and weave a story. I'll be doing this more often. Stay tuned.

*Disclaimer : Some of the stuff posted here are mere works of fiction. Sometimes an inspiration becomes concrete in a fictitious story. Sometimes fictitious reasonings become reality. Who's to say for sure ? *wink*

Tell me

How many shoves will it take to make me realize I'm not a puppy. One day I'll get up and never return. But with each tear I'm angry. Angry that I'm leaving behind that part of me. That strong side that will no doubt scream " Nobody is worth your tears unless they're dead ". Perhaps I'm mourning the death of us. 

I remember when I showed you my first milk teeth, you told me " You'll have a pretty smile. Promise me you'll marry a man who will treat you right ". I wish you were around now. I wish you were here to listen. Writing this through the haze of tears, I need to know. What would you have said ? 

Jigsaw pieces

I remember every little detail. The rounded cobblestones that contoured to my feet, the constant drizzle, the sights, the smells, the bustling crowds. I remember you. Aloof in a world far away, but yet every pore in me wanted to absorb it all. To cram as much as I could into those precious hours. Every moment that ticked closer to the end became more precious than its predecessor. Every ingrained memory a splinter of my breaking heart. 

I remember the ache, this heart wrenching pain of remembrance, but yet I hold on, because the pain reminds me that I'm still here. There's still hope. And hope is what propels desire and fuels motivation. It is hope that we all strive for. Hope that we cling to. 

So when your low-class-lowlife rants catch my attention, I feel like a part of me has been gutted out. Your empty wants are my overflowing dreams. Your vapid giggles are my tears and sweat. Your spineless need to have a man by your side are my lonely days and night, working for what I believe is true. 

I know it's true. For that 72 hours, I lived a dream. 

Walls

Do you see the pain behind the practiced smile, do you feel the patience behind the tapping fingers, do you see the holding on in letting go.

Yes, you want me to be the calm, cool collected girl you thought you fell in love with. Would you believe, if I told you she’s still there, under the stormy tumult of frustration, the maze of confusion and the pitfalls of angry disappointments, that cool and calm is what keeps the balance together.

I can’t always be the brutally honest one, and try to chip at your psyche whilst you build more walls to surround your insecurity. It’s unfair to constantly sweep and pile the issues under carpets of ignorance as they rise. Ignoring them isn’t going to make the problem smaller, it’s just going to allow it to collect, and grow and one day the monster will be so huge you’re putty in its hands.  And when that one day comes, it's my fear that I may not be there to slay it with you because I’ve spent all my energy chipping away at the walls you  built. 

Pha That Luang , Vientiane

Laos  

Pronto

If you're here to tell me there's more to life, and there's more to the fixed moulds and flimsy masks, you'd better swoop down fast. Because reality is eloping with naivete as we speak. 

Toyota Vellfire Review

In the blink of an eye, the brother has graduated college, and he’s now at the crossroads of looking for a job, relocating and all the other aspects of life that comes with growing old-er. Just out of curiosity, we decided to hunt around for cars in case he’ll need one soon once he starts with the new job. A friend referred us to carsifu and I must say, the site is wonderfully stocked with details and information about new and used cars for sale.  

Toyota cars have held a highly reputable position with being highly dependable, of excellent quality, outstanding durability and sleek designs. Renowned for these, the company has a wide range of  models from which to choose from. Regardless of whether you need a car for business, or a sporty looking car for young professionals, and even vehicles that are great for large families, there’s bound to be something for everyone. The Toyota Vellfire, although a couple of years old now is a great investment for families are looking for a sturdy family vehicle to transport them around. 

The Vellfire got its name from a combination of two words : velvet and fire and indeed the car lives up to its name. Sleek, modern yet practical, the Vellfire has two stepped headlights at the front and rear wipers that are foldable so you can fold them up and stow them in the roof compartment when not in use. These allows the vehicle to have a cleaner look when the wipers are not in use.

Carsifu is a great site that allows consumers to browse around according to car manufacturer and has a vast selection of ads for both local and imported cars.  Registered members are allowed to post ads for their cars, and interested buyers can then contact these sellers directly. By taking out the middle man in the process, it is an excellent platform for people looking to browse around for the next car of their dreams.  

Hey you, 

It's definitely been a long while hasn't it? The years have passed, but they've been kind. Definitely kinder than they used to be. There are still those times when I wish I could pick up the phone and send you a text. To rant. To share. To joke. To talk. 

• You'd be interested to know that we haven't stopped laughing at silly things ( well, mum and I of course ). Thank you for teaching us the insane fun in that. 
• You'd also be interested to know that we haven't stopped wishing. But we've come to accept that the past is what shapes the present. 
• You'd shake your head and offer me a handshake if I told you I now wear someone else's ring. Don't worry, I won't be walking down any aisles soon. 

I wish I could tell you these jumbled emotions in coherent sentences and words, but if you can't bottle up emotions, you sure can't ink them accurately either. It's true a lot has changed, but the thing is, you'll always be too young at 32. And always as sweet in our thoughts. 

Much love, 

Jo 

Xu Yao Ren Pei

Loneliness. That one untraceable confusion, a mangled mass of unfulfilled desire. It's the monster in the shadows that creeps up behind you when you're alone, and spins silken threads of darkness in the webs of  your desolation. 

We all fight him. Many of us hide in excuses. Unconsciously we seek respite in distraction. Some people work to exhaustion, problems disappear in stacks of paperwork, confusions get buried in datelines and tight schedules, and the monsters are kept away in office cabinets and file drawers. Then there are the risk-takers. The only way to know they're still alive is by pushing past each adrenaline rush, each heady burst of fear a strong reminder of the will to live. There are also the passionate lovers. In order to fill the gap, arms are open wide to all sorts of lovers. A counter-destructive sort of addiction to loss and excuses to stay angry and steep in rebellious bitterness. 

Mind over matter. Before you fight a battle, you have to acknowledge the presence of the enemy.