I'm Pregnant

with the need for these babies

Canon Powershot SX200

Lumix LX3

I've always had a partiality towards photography. You can turn your photography curiosity into a career with a mfa degree. Memories only last as long as the presence of the feelings that are their safekeepers. I've had my eye on these three for some time now. My first ever camera was an Olympus which was a pretty fantastic deal for a beginner as all I had to do was point and shoot. The moment I later picked up my Canon Powershot A550, my love affair with Canon started.

As can be seen, my choice camera is still one from Canon. I can't say I don't want a DSLR. Who doesn't?? Since I can't see myself lugging around a giant camera complete with its entourage of bulky paraphernalia everywhere I go, I've decided to settle for one that's a compact but with the liberalisation of manual settings.

I found the perfect compromise in both the Canon Powershot SX200 and the Lumix LX3. Both have equal appeal. I was leaning towards Lumix due to rave reviews on their Leica lenses and considering the fact that the LX3 is the chosen compact camera for pros. The wider angle lenses (23mm as opposed to the more common 25mm found in compacts) also hold great appeal. Boo factor? 2.5x optical zoom.

The Canon Powershot on the other hand is fab because it offers manual configurations and also boasts a fantastic 12x optical zoom. Boo factor? The flash which pops up whether or not its in use once the camera is switched on. Although the fact that it's mechanised instead of spring loaded (meaning it doesn't pop up like a Jack in a box) is way cool, but knowing clumsy old me I'm bound to get my fingers in the way. Both cameras are able to film videos in HD mode.

The SX200 comes in 3 colours : red, blue and black. The LX3 comes in silver and black. I'm going with black on both counts. Sleek and sexy. Tis my favourite colour. I'm morbid so sue me :P

As is obvious, I'm very attracted to the whole pop up flash deal. It's so......retro. Pop up flashes gives the added distance from flash to lens which greatly reduces red eye and noise. I love the squarish designs on both. Old school is the way to go! 

The LX3 will enable me to play around with bokeh effects!! Oh bokeh bokeh, I so wanna do you !! But sticking to and trusting my previous relationship with Canon, I'm most probably going for the SX200 although the LX3 has been known to produce really awesome pictures !

The Canon Ixus 100is is there just for the eye candy factor. I'm not reallly into 'girly' cameras but once again the squarish design caught my attention. It's one of the slimmest Ixus to date and also one of the most affordable if you take in mind its specs and the brand's infamously exorbitant prices.

Oh gosh, that was one geeky post .... Next one on fashion or shoes !! =p

Oops, almost left this out. Today's Smile-Inducer : The Climb by Miley Cyrus.

Gotta love the lyrics to this one

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Little things

Picture from www.designwriting.org

Today's smile-inducer : The Right Words

He said " You are a person. Not an exam sheet with all the right answers." I love him so much more for that. (=

Was having one of the worst days of my life. I cannot let ONE man rule my life. I cannot afford to lose control like that. I knew from day one that the 'fall' would be inevitable and I'm not going to let alphabets (alright, ONE alphabet) and numbers (again, ONE number) dictate whether or not I skip and flip and smile. So what if I don't live up to my own crazy expectations? I'm done chasing illusions .

More tomorrow (oops, in a few hours) if I manage to get the line.

Ciao !

You are Beautiful !

Pics credits to www.operationbeautiful.com

Today's Smile-Inducer : Introducing Operation Beautiful !!

Stumbled upon this website. Inspiring notes posted everywhere at random for random people to find at random times ! Now, how beautiful is that? Comes in real handy when you need that little pick me up and how better to say it than in a little phrase scribbled on a post-it note.

I for one hate to see girls or guys for that matter torture themselves over having to look good in order to please the masses, but subject themselves to so much needless emotional torment for something so inconsequential. I've always been an advocate of inner beauty and I do know that the only form of beauty that will be everlasting is the kind that radiates from within.

A few quotes I loved :

• "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. "
• “I was born gorgeous and I am forever beautiful. Though the world and those who are in it may try to tell me otherwise and attempt to bring me down, I will not let them. Even when storms come along and try to steal away my happiness, I will just dance in the rain. I will love myself and learn to be happy with everything I am. I am beautiful, I am loved, I am me. No one can change that, even if they wanted to. I am born gorgeous.”
• "In the end it will all be okay. If it is not okay, it is not the end"
• "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. BE the beholder"

So hope on over there to get inspired, refreshed and go through an instant feel good session minus any primping.

Today's smile-inducer : Learning to prioritize correctly. Nuff said

You are so meant for each other.

Congratulations!!

P.s: Long ranting post on bigotry coming up....soon

Living in the moment.

Picture from www.seductionmeal.com

Today's Smile-Inducer : Spontaneity !

Funny how a phrase "I want a cool glass of draft Heineken " in the middle of a crabby dinner found four girls in TGIF sipping on margaritas, indulging in much needed girl talk and the gleeful emasculation of our male counterparts. Whoops ! Talk about spur of the moment.

Oh, how I hate planning and planning and planning for something only to never end up doing it.

Snapshots frozen in time

Today's smile-inducer : Couples who can't keep their hands off each other (In a good way ! ) and man's best friend

Photo taken from www.jaggerphotographyblog.com

(Isn't the doggy just ADORABLE?? It's like he's saying awww....they're too busy pawing each other to pose for you?? Me! me!..Take me... I'll pose for you!!!)

I'm currently addicted to photography blogs. I can spend HOURS just staring at the vibrant display of emotions captured and immortalized with the click of a button. I've spent the past few months ogling at beautiful compositions from various websites. Envious at the ability to capture such beautiful photos and awed at the beauty captured in print.

Right now, happy, colourful, splashy pictures fill me with glee. Wheeeeee

Walking and Talking

Today's Smile-Inducer : Lazy Afternoon Naps

It's been eons since the last time I was able to take an afternoon nap. Gave in to the extreme sleep deprivation this afternoon and paid slumberland a much needed visit. Ah, the bliss of escaping from battles of forcing heavy eyelids to stay open.

I've started taking a more serious approach to reading the Bible. Came across today's Daily Bread. Thought I'd share it with you all. It's true how we often 'talk the talk' but fail miserably when it comes to 'walking the walk'. I realize my reserve of faith is always on an eternal low and I need to be a stronger believer. I need to learn how to not allow things to get the better of me. Not to let my emotions affect my mood too much and not to allow the influence of the people around me to drown out the real me.

I'm taking each day slowly. At the end of this road of self discovery I hope to end with a me who is strong, nonchalant and able to face up to her demons. I'm not a person who cries under pressure. I believe that tears should be saved up for something more deserving like war victims,orphans or touching stories. Not the fear of failure. But on certain days, I give in to the pathetic thing we call 'self pity' and have a good bawl in the privacy and cowardry of the shower. And I'm not proud of it. All that is going to change.

Today, let's all toast to walking the talk !

P.s : Sorry for the lack of pictures. The line here does not permit me to upload pictures but will try to as best as I can.

Monkey business

Bad things come in threes :

1) My roommate almost got scratched by a monkey. Scared the hell outta me. I kept thanking God nothing happened. Imagine the horror........

2) My rice cooker got confiscated. They came in and spotchecked the room. (Of all the useless shitty things to do! Brainless moronic idiots ! Don't even get me started on invasion of privacy! Am I a freaking prisoner now? Subjected to your bullying and manipulating??!! What goddamn right do you have to prance into my room, look through my PRIVATE belongings and take my stuff !!!!! This is classic THIRD WORLD mentality ! Advancement and progress is far from attainment!) Oh no, maybe they're trying to 'go green' and start saving the environment?) I understand that we may have broken some dumb rule but you should have seen the way they threw my stuff around! I had utensils in my rice cooker, forks and spoons and when i came back they were EVERYWHERE !

They'll probably call my parents now (Ooh...I'm SO scared) or give me a royal talkdown. Whatever it is, I have a roomful of cabbages waiting to rot. FML

3) I got charged at by a monkey (again ! In a matter of 10 hours) I think the bugger's marking my room. It's just waiting out there right now. Ya, the whole ooh ahh ooh ahh scratch-its-armpits-hirsute-beast is GUARDING my door....help.

So that's the lowdown on my life. I now see the effect of global warming and deforestation. My furry friends have decided to get out of the forest and join me in civilization. Oh joy! As you can see, I really can't find a smile-inducer today. Oh wait! Maybe I do!! If Darwin's theory is anything to go by , then.....OUR ANCESTORS ARE DISCIPLINING US BY ATTACKING US !! Oh the irony !

The Stranger Beside Me

Today’s smile-inducer : Being able to make the right choices

I’ve always been fickle minded but today I made a choice that made me feel good. I don’t care if people tell me I’m being a doormat to be used and disposed of thereafter. I did what I wanted to do and by helping a person who had brought me down, my spirits soared.

I’ve always had the policy that although I indulge in blogging I keep my private life, thoughts and feelings to myself. I never really wanted to share everything with the world but then today I can’t afford to keep it all in. Heck, I flatter myself too much by thinking anyone reads this blog anyway so for now I seek solace and reprieve by being able to write out the things I’m going through minus the censorship of riddles.

Growing up my mother always told me never to trust anyone, especially your best friend. I never took her seriously, always thinking that in her need to protect me some of her advice bordered on paranoia. But the misconception of “Things happen to other people never me” reared its ugly head.

I’m spiraling on a downward tunnel of emotions. As much as I’m aware that depression is at the end of the tunnel I try hard to climb out of the slippery inclines so adamant on holding me back. You see, I made a mistake. I trusted implicitly and never doubted the things that people tell me.

The ability to look me in the eye and lie to me scares me as much as it disappoints me. It hurts so bad when the lie confirmed the truth I was intent on denying. Did you think I would not have realized papers shuffled hurriedly whenever I walked past? Did you think I would not know where the added information comes from that are nowhere to be found in notes of ours? Do you think I’d believe blindly that “Acrobat Reader is having problems” when it’s really ebooks you’re reading?

It’s alright to not want to share, I respect the need for space and privacy but why lie? Do you not know me well enough by now that I’m not a person who would ask if help is never offered. It hurts even more when people close to me say I’m prideful for not wanting to ask but when someone covers whatever they’re doing the moment you walk near and turns around irritably … would you ask for anything?

It baffles me that one can know a person for umpteen years and yet never know that person at all. And when the truth is uncovered the blow is so sudden it throws you overboard just as it catches you offguard.

It’s been happening for some time now but for the sake of friendship I kept it all to myself. For a non-believer in second chances I gave this person chance after chance after chance.

In the past I’ve always put that person with me. From staying up late thinking of solutions to dilemmas to comforting when I was cracking inside from the tremendous pressure. I did it out of love. For a person I consider more sibling than friend. I never expected anything in return. I never expected help, I never expected love or friendship, and I never expected, betrayal.

In the test earlier today I pointed out a mistake. A mistake that would have been quite costly. Some would say I’m being stupid but I never wanted to cause harm or sadness or not do anything when I realized something was wrong. I could have kept that knowledge to myself but then I choose to believe to do unto others what you want others to do unto you.

I stay awake at night sometimes wondering if I’m responsible for this. Did I do or say anything to invoke such reactions? Am I a bad person? Is this some cosmic retribution or is this my karma saying “ Hey, you’re a horrid person this is what you get in return?”. I’m easily manipulated, gullible, stupid on many levels, but I choose to believe in the greater good. With this post I’m forcing the tears to stop and looking forward to the path of recovery.

This all reminds me of something someone once said about hidden agendas. I’m sinking deeper in lost esteem when people think of me as a machine. Just because my grades are such, people are jealous and malicious. Well, based on the test earlier, this semester ‘perfection’ or whatever it is you people lurve to say will be flawed. I hope you’re happy now. I ask for one thing and one thing only. To be recognized not as a thing, but a human being.

I used to be a jolly happy person. I want to go back to being that. I don’t want to bring misery or share depression with the masses. Which explains the Pursuit of Happiness project I’m taking on. I want to seek the positive from the negative. Thus said, this will be the first and hopefully the last of such private posts.

It’s funny that when I sit down and think about it, I’m not angry, I’m too emotionally spent for anger. It’s just hurt and disappointment I experience now. Through it all I still consider that person one of my closest friends, but the thought that niggles at the back of my mind remains : Did you ever think of me as your friend?

Of chocolate and monkeys

Today's Smile Inducer : KIT KAT !!!

Uh huh, yea I'm talking about that four fingered decadently delicious wafer bathed in chocolate. Sank into temptation and bought myself a bar of kit kat during the break. Chomped down on it throughout a really dry lecture and I was happy happy happy.

Other than that...Malaysians are WEIRD ! Was coming out of a lecture hall today and this 'gentleman' walked out, and left the heavy door to swing back almost hitting me square in the face. I leapt out of harm's way, let out a tiny squeak only to hear some idiots sniggering behind me. What is the use of an education if you can't educate yourself on simple basic manners???

Misty beauty stumbled upon

Today's smile-inducer : Click here for it.

In all fairness today's smile-inducer isn't a happy skippity dance around in sunlight story but I found it really inspiring. Stumbled upon this story on the internet and thought you might like it.

It was a surprise when I, the cynic against anything wedding-like finished the last sentence on a watery smile. Makes you treasure the people around you much more and to believe in taking more giant leaps of faith more often doesn't it?

The Pursuit of Happiness

So, first off, sorry for the overload of emo stuff lately on this little slice of the web. Today, I officially launch the start of a mini project I’m starting that I’ve decided to aptly name The Pursuit of Happiness.

Today’s smile-inducer :

On the way back from Central today, I overheard this conversation between a little man, (LM) and his mama

LM : Mummy mummy mummy, I wanna climb up there and look out the window toooo

Mama : No, you can’t. Sit still now.

LM : But *inserts elder brother’s name* gets to do it!

Mama : No, you can’t.

LM : But why….? Why? Why?

Mama : Because I say so

LM : Why??

Mama : Because you’re small.

LM : Noooooooooooooo *and proceeds to wriggle free from his mother’s grip.

I don’t really know about you but the entire scene was oozing cuteness and I couldn’t stop smiling the whole ride back. The boy’s only about 3 years old and when he stubbornly tried to wheel a spiderman printed trolley bag as tall as him it was too cute I melted into a puddle of goo right then and there.

Everyday I’m going to make it a point to write about a little anecdote, an event, an object or a person who made me smile. I believe that emotions are what we make out of it. Anger, sadness, frustration, happiness, joy and fear are mere reflections of the wisps of thoughts the mind conjures. Half empty half full glasses are a subject of perspective and I’m going to try to be optimistic for once. Heck, it’s all part of experiencing new things in life right? Do leave me a note if you like this and want to see it continued. Feel free to do this too if you have a blog but remember to leave me your link so I can go around collecting smiles. Yeap, it’s my current favourite hobby.

Toodle loos !

I thought I could befriend a snake

Foolish foolish girl

Confused

Was browsing through the news early this morning and came upon this story on a man being senteced to 15 years jail and 10 strikes of the rotan for rape. Whilst reading through two things struck me.

Why would the wife, for that matter any wife be present at a proceeding of a man you know no better than a stranger and cry?! Unless you're crying for your own lack of judgment that is.

The prosecution said the victim did not try to escape from the cemetery then because she was afraid of ghosts, did not know her way around, and her mobile phone battery was dead.

Click here for the full story.

Not to be insensitive but what ghost could be worse than staying with the man who raped you? The monster who violated your rights and why not try for survival? It pains me to see women just submitting to crimes committed against them. Their inability to fight back and their choice to remain helpless just kills me. I once had a lecturer who said that if a guy puts a knife at your neck and threatens to rape you, just let him be done with it, don't fight back, it'll save your life. Needless to say, I was appalled. When it came my turn to give an opinion, I gave my one and ONLY opinion : I'd rather die fighting than to live, submitting.

The big 3-6

It's been three years since we first started off. At times I'm surprised that I managed to commit to a commitment as great as this. Who would have thought that I, the one with the attention span of a 5 year old, ever indecisive and keeper of flighty interests would end up with you, calm, stable headstrong you.

I'm not one for bold grand gestures, and so I shall dedicate this entry to you, to us.

Sometimes three words mean more than a litany of nonsensical blabber and I will try my bestest to keep this as concise as three years worth of memories will allow.

For all the ups and down, peaks and valleys :

You Were There

For all the times we fought and argued:

We Grew Up

For all the times you were there when I needed someone to vent out my frustrations :

I Calmed Down

For when doubts and insecurities became my shaky foothold :

They Faded Off

For every smile, laugh, tear and sigh :

So Worth It

For the knowledge that being together really, actually means :

We're Never Alone

For the memory of all our firsts :

Precious Priceless Special

For all the years passed, today and the days ahead :

One Four Three !! :P

For this special day, the last three words :

Happy 36th Hon !

Note to self

I have got to learn to be numb and not let maliciousness and cunning people rule my life. I know I'll realize one day you're not worth my time, thoughts nor feelings. And in that knowledge I shall cocoon myself in the accompanying blissful numbness.

*inserts cheery note here

So alright, I know I promised some of you that I'll be optimistic and all sunshiny and rainbows, but as much as I try to keep to my promises I can't today. Shucks, I was supposed to blog about the 'big' 21st.... maybe later when I've procured some pictures so I don't subject people to my torturous verbal diarrhea..

It is only in the faraway realm of dreams that I stand up and tell you I'm not a worthless pawn to be bartered and used in that game you insist on playing.

It hurts, that thing you do. It hurts even more knowing that I allow you to. That I inadvertently put the weapon in your hand and thought you how to aim. My cowardice at not telling you to stop disgusts even me. But I can't and never will because I admit I'm weak. I sought sanctity in delusion. Over and over again denial became my confidante and best friend. Over and over again, I thought, it isn't true. You wouldn't do that, not you. But your lies confirmed the many truths.

I'm torn asunder at the realization that I still want to defend you. That I'm too weak to even face up to the truth and continue life as I should be doing. I thought you changed. You bring out things in me that I'm not proud of, I never want to be you but it hurts to be myself, defenseless against the hurt you continually inflict. Why is it that people can never accept me for who I am and try to change me into something that makes THEM feel better and me feel like crap. The million dollar question here is....I don't give a damn about the others but how could you???

I never trust easily but I trusted you. I don't know now if that makes you or me the greater fool. I thought that you would come to my defense but you teamed up with them. They needn't have done anything because what you did hurt more than anything they could have said or done.

In my self delusional theory of sanity, as long as I keep busy, keep running, I garner a slight reprieve. I know you'll soon catch me but today I shall write the things I'll never say whilst the hurt in me continues its blazing path of destruction.