Au revoir et bonjour

Dear 2012,

In what seems like the blink of an eye, you're finally coming to a close, and whilst it's been a good year, it's also been a year rife with low dips and high peaks. 

There's been a lot to commemorate this year. As the days weaved in and out, friendships were made and lost, love was found and reinforced, and we grew, oh how we all grew. Through the heartaches interspersed with the little successes, I'm no longer the girl I was at the start of the year. When all's been said and done, there are two important attitudes to have towards life. Gratitude and acceptance. So yes, I'm immensely grateful for all the wonderful, and I'm gradually learning to accept the things that I have no power to change. 

Since we've gotten all sappy and reflective, here are a few snapshots of 2012 

I said yes !!! *deep breaths* ( September 2012 )

Gave my room a facelift 

Splurged on books at a book fair ( this stack grew, but I'm too ashamed to show the full collection *gulps*.. ) 

Got an award 

Christmas 2012  ( my first away from family, but great company salved the homesickness )

In it all, thank you for the many sunsets, many bright mornings and many starlit nights. Cheers, and may 2013 bring about new discoveries, memories and experiences !

xoxo, 

Jo 

I'm falling for your eyes, they don't know me yet

A crowded street, a cacophony of sounds, sights and smells, and then I saw you. In that one instant, the world stood still, the air bristled with tension and the street tilted, pushing a part of my heart in your direction.

Perhaps it was the shifting shadows, or that one instant flash of recognition, but I looked away, just as you turned around. That look in your eyes before it skittered away .. I wondered what a day in your life looked like. Did you have someone at home waiting for you ? Did you kiss her in the morning before you left the house ? Will you be cooking dinner together, sipping a glass of wine while you trade the details of the day ? Do you plan of distant futures, do you laugh at the same jokes, do you vocalize the secrets she buries in her heart, do you ? 

Because stranger, I'm falling for your eyes, they just don't know me yet.

***

This is the first in a series of something I've been wanting to do for a while now. Take a sentence of a song and weave a story. I'll be doing this more often. Stay tuned.

*Disclaimer : Some of the stuff posted here are mere works of fiction. Sometimes an inspiration becomes concrete in a fictitious story. Sometimes fictitious reasonings become reality. Who's to say for sure ? *wink*

Tell me

How many shoves will it take to make me realize I'm not a puppy. One day I'll get up and never return. But with each tear I'm angry. Angry that I'm leaving behind that part of me. That strong side that will no doubt scream " Nobody is worth your tears unless they're dead ". Perhaps I'm mourning the death of us. 

I remember when I showed you my first milk teeth, you told me " You'll have a pretty smile. Promise me you'll marry a man who will treat you right ". I wish you were around now. I wish you were here to listen. Writing this through the haze of tears, I need to know. What would you have said ? 

Jigsaw pieces

I remember every little detail. The rounded cobblestones that contoured to my feet, the constant drizzle, the sights, the smells, the bustling crowds. I remember you. Aloof in a world far away, but yet every pore in me wanted to absorb it all. To cram as much as I could into those precious hours. Every moment that ticked closer to the end became more precious than its predecessor. Every ingrained memory a splinter of my breaking heart. 

I remember the ache, this heart wrenching pain of remembrance, but yet I hold on, because the pain reminds me that I'm still here. There's still hope. And hope is what propels desire and fuels motivation. It is hope that we all strive for. Hope that we cling to. 

So when your low-class-lowlife rants catch my attention, I feel like a part of me has been gutted out. Your empty wants are my overflowing dreams. Your vapid giggles are my tears and sweat. Your spineless need to have a man by your side are my lonely days and night, working for what I believe is true. 

I know it's true. For that 72 hours, I lived a dream. 

Walls

Do you see the pain behind the practiced smile, do you feel the patience behind the tapping fingers, do you see the holding on in letting go.

Yes, you want me to be the calm, cool collected girl you thought you fell in love with. Would you believe, if I told you she’s still there, under the stormy tumult of frustration, the maze of confusion and the pitfalls of angry disappointments, that cool and calm is what keeps the balance together.

I can’t always be the brutally honest one, and try to chip at your psyche whilst you build more walls to surround your insecurity. It’s unfair to constantly sweep and pile the issues under carpets of ignorance as they rise. Ignoring them isn’t going to make the problem smaller, it’s just going to allow it to collect, and grow and one day the monster will be so huge you’re putty in its hands.  And when that one day comes, it's my fear that I may not be there to slay it with you because I’ve spent all my energy chipping away at the walls you  built. 

Pha That Luang , Vientiane

Laos  

Pronto

If you're here to tell me there's more to life, and there's more to the fixed moulds and flimsy masks, you'd better swoop down fast. Because reality is eloping with naivete as we speak. 

Toyota Vellfire Review

In the blink of an eye, the brother has graduated college, and he’s now at the crossroads of looking for a job, relocating and all the other aspects of life that comes with growing old-er. Just out of curiosity, we decided to hunt around for cars in case he’ll need one soon once he starts with the new job. A friend referred us to carsifu and I must say, the site is wonderfully stocked with details and information about new and used cars for sale.  

Toyota cars have held a highly reputable position with being highly dependable, of excellent quality, outstanding durability and sleek designs. Renowned for these, the company has a wide range of  models from which to choose from. Regardless of whether you need a car for business, or a sporty looking car for young professionals, and even vehicles that are great for large families, there’s bound to be something for everyone. The Toyota Vellfire, although a couple of years old now is a great investment for families are looking for a sturdy family vehicle to transport them around. 

The Vellfire got its name from a combination of two words : velvet and fire and indeed the car lives up to its name. Sleek, modern yet practical, the Vellfire has two stepped headlights at the front and rear wipers that are foldable so you can fold them up and stow them in the roof compartment when not in use. These allows the vehicle to have a cleaner look when the wipers are not in use.

Carsifu is a great site that allows consumers to browse around according to car manufacturer and has a vast selection of ads for both local and imported cars.  Registered members are allowed to post ads for their cars, and interested buyers can then contact these sellers directly. By taking out the middle man in the process, it is an excellent platform for people looking to browse around for the next car of their dreams.  

Hey you, 

It's definitely been a long while hasn't it? The years have passed, but they've been kind. Definitely kinder than they used to be. There are still those times when I wish I could pick up the phone and send you a text. To rant. To share. To joke. To talk. 

• You'd be interested to know that we haven't stopped laughing at silly things ( well, mum and I of course ). Thank you for teaching us the insane fun in that. 
• You'd also be interested to know that we haven't stopped wishing. But we've come to accept that the past is what shapes the present. 
• You'd shake your head and offer me a handshake if I told you I now wear someone else's ring. Don't worry, I won't be walking down any aisles soon. 

I wish I could tell you these jumbled emotions in coherent sentences and words, but if you can't bottle up emotions, you sure can't ink them accurately either. It's true a lot has changed, but the thing is, you'll always be too young at 32. And always as sweet in our thoughts. 

Much love, 

Jo 

Xu Yao Ren Pei

Loneliness. That one untraceable confusion, a mangled mass of unfulfilled desire. It's the monster in the shadows that creeps up behind you when you're alone, and spins silken threads of darkness in the webs of  your desolation. 

We all fight him. Many of us hide in excuses. Unconsciously we seek respite in distraction. Some people work to exhaustion, problems disappear in stacks of paperwork, confusions get buried in datelines and tight schedules, and the monsters are kept away in office cabinets and file drawers. Then there are the risk-takers. The only way to know they're still alive is by pushing past each adrenaline rush, each heady burst of fear a strong reminder of the will to live. There are also the passionate lovers. In order to fill the gap, arms are open wide to all sorts of lovers. A counter-destructive sort of addiction to loss and excuses to stay angry and steep in rebellious bitterness. 

Mind over matter. Before you fight a battle, you have to acknowledge the presence of the enemy. 

Idyllic

Waking up in the warm security of your arms, your gentle breath whispering against my ear, I'd stay still awhile just to keep that moment close. There is beauty in staying still, in savouring. 

Stacks of warm pancakes, maple syrup running off the edges escaping in fluid sucrose rivers. Fluffy, syrupy goodness, an orchestra of textures and tastes. We'd throw some berries on it, I'd tease you about the tangy berries, and you'd tell me to load up on Vit C. 

Lazy quiet afternoons. Favourite tunes on the stereo. Curled up reading and getting lost in far away worlds.

Long, slow walks in the park. A quiet breeze ruffling invisible fingers through my hair, I'd cuddle closer to you. There's a picnic basket, a bottle of wine and some pretentiously fancy sandwiches waiting on a cozy blanket. We'd watch the sunset over the horizon, and talk of distant futures.

Inky dark skies, twinkling starlight, nestling in the crook of your arms, we'll listen to crickets sing the music of the night, a steady lull, I'll close my eyes and drift away. 

Dreams. We all dream. Existence, is idyllic. 

Luang Prabang, Laos

September 2012

The rest of your life is today

The sun glinted through the arches, casting off shards of sparkling reflections. The yellow of the floor, flanked by brilliant grey walls shone in vivid colour. Hues of blue, red, yellow all seemed to come alive, bristling in the crackling heat. It was a breathtaking sight, resplendent and glowing in natural light. 

The piercing ring of a phone woke her from her late afternoon reverie. Turning around to answer the call, she made a mental note to capture a picture of the scene. We all know how this story ends. Turning around, the sun had moved on, just as the seconds had crept by, growing up into large long minutes. All that was left was immortalized in her memory, enhanced by imagination, and brought to life in words again. 

Moments past.

We wait and wait for the rest of our lives to come strolling by, and so we spend today planning and planning for the future. We have a comprehensive report on what the rest of our lives are going to be and soon we let this vital reawakening slip past, this IS the rest of your life. The rest of your life, is today. 

Fun fair, Kajang

18 November 2012

You look naughty but I'm sure you're nice

I want to see the world through your eyes,

To love unashamedly, 

Because therein lies true courage. 

To light up with life's simple pleasures, 

Because life can and is simple. 

To revel, run, laugh and play,

Because celebrations exist as long as the mind allows.

To forget pride, fear, self-doubt

Because only you are allowed to be you.

To only fall in hugs, kisses and gentle reassurances, 

Because those falls will catch and clutch you in security.

To remember honesty and treasured moments, 

Because living a lie, would be cheating Life. 

To never doubt that when you give, 

You're also giving back to yourself.

One day, when I step back into the shoes of the child I was and am, 

I will be that brave once again

And to my little inspirations, 

I'm not sure if you'll see this in the distant future, 

But I hope when your beliefs are challenged, 

You'll always remember this moment. 

Contours

You'll never learn how to walk
if you don't first learn to pick yourself up after each fall.

You can't control the contours of your face, but you can control its expressions - Anon 

Moments like these

are to be treasured :)

Today's smile-inducer :

A friend is one who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words - Anon

Time

Because life isn't measured in the currency of time. It's moments and memories that make up the seconds and passing minutes.

Enjoy. And then pass it on.

Complexity

They say that time will tell all things.
Understand that you are complex because simplicity is a matter of how fast you get through these knots in life
Understand that it takes a lot of giving, and no expecting before you see any receiving.
Understand that you can never ever expect someone else to take the first step.
If it matters enough.
Jump
And jump high.

Duck

You rise and punch
You hit and run
Call me when you finally
grasp that bull by its horn
Until then
Keep ducking
The blows aren't gonna stop

Choices

Reminder to self : Every time you pick up a  menu and wonder what to eat, remember that it's a luxury that a lot of people don't have. 

Lazy stretches

So I spent the past 7 days exploring Northern Thailand, Luang Prabang and Vientiane. Laos is definitely a mythical place that has an easygoing nature about it. Quaint, pretty and rich in its historical culture, it was certainly an eye ( and pore , Oh the heat ! ) opening adventure. 

As I'm typing this, the travel dusts still cling to me whilst the dozens of pretty memories find cozy nooks to settle down in the recesses of my memory banks so I'll leave you with this picture I snapped at the local morning market. The locals have a saying in Lao : Sabai-sabai which means easygoing and carefree. 

Today's smile-inducer : It's hard to deny that this is the furry embodiment of " sabai-sabai "  

Till later, stay tuned ! 

Closure

If I could instill in you one thing after all these weeks of dragging myself out of bed at 'seemingly' ungodly hours of the morning, it would not be : 

To focus on the values in life, not price tags; 

you have guardians for that, 

Neither would it be 

dealing with strife and challenges; 

life will teach you that,

Nor can I guide you 

in making wise choices;

the Bible will shine that path for you

But i hope to impress upon you

the joy of reading, 

the escapes available in a strong imagination 

and pages upon pages of delicious prose. 

I hope that one day 

you'll open a book, 

and remember the sense of freedom you get 

from discovering new experiences 

in familiar words. 

TGIF

and wishful thinking  .... 

I almost forgot that today is Friday until someone said " TGIF ! " in the office and it hit me. Yet another week has come to a close. Boy, before you know it, Christmas is going to be coming up and then there'll be New Year's Eve celebrations and hello 2013. That is, if that Mayan prediction about the end of the world doesn't come true :p 

Thought I'd end the week with this quote  : 

" Your first kiss isn’t as important as your last. The math test really didn’t matter. The pie really did. The stuff you’re good at and the stuff you’re bad at are just different parts of the same thing. Same goes for the people you love and the people you don’t—and the people who love you and the people who don’t. The only thing that mattered was that you cared about a few people. Life is really, really short.”

--Ethan Wate, 'Beautiful Chaos'

And oh ! Today's smile-inducer : Strongbow FTW. 

P.s : This is an old picture. I'm typing this in my cozy cubicle in an underground basement lab workstation. 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend ahead ... and Happy Malaysia Day in advance ! 

Cheers

3 words

Today's smile-inducer : Hope. It's the middle of a week that isn't going very right. I sat down today and read this 

" For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as i am fully known. And now these three remain : Faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. "  - 1 Corinthians 13 : 12 - 13

My cup runneth over

Today's smile-inducer : When I was but a child and constantly whining about every little thing, my mother would say " Be grateful, and count your blessings " ... Now I truly see how lucky I am.   Countless blessings, big dreams and how my cup has runneth over with great loves.

This is a wonderfully beautiful reminder. Happy Sunday and have a blessed week ahead y'all

Good thoughts

Today's smile-inducer : 

Bleu

Today's smile-inducer : Counting one's blessings. 

When I was growing up, and when I didn't what I wanted, my mother would say " Well, count your blessings, and you'll realize your cup has runneth over ". Honestly, I could never understand that. I'm not getting that 3 feet dollhouse I've been wanting forever ? The world is ending ! Blessings ? What blessings ?! 

You know how they say that hindsight is always 20/20 ? Looking back, I realize how melodramatic things seem to be when you're right in the middle of the miasma, but when you take a step back and gain that aerial view, you see how things really are. The thing is, if that was true for something that seemed so important to us years ago, wouldn't the things we hold dear today fade as time goes by ? Why then do we hold so tightly to the things that irk us, and let the things that make us happy slip past unnoticed ? 

I took this picture at a construction that's happening behind the office. Every time I look at the workers at the construction, I see men who toil come sunshine or pouring rain because they believe that it is only by doing so that they can improve the circumstances of their life. I see fathers working hard for their children, young husbands wanting to get something for their new brides, and sons toiling to send some money home for an ailing mother. 

If they can do that, and yet listen to upbeat music, and joke and cajole ... what right do we have to complain about our comfy, cushy lives ? 

I know now what my mother meant all those years back. When you focus on the things that you do have, you lose sight of the things that you thought you wanted, because indeed, your cup has runneth over. 

Building glass houses in the sand

Today's smile-inducer : Finding out what trust really means. And holding on. It's incredibly liberating when you just let go of the inhibitions that have held you back and voluntarily choose to free fall. 

The best way to find out if you can trust somebody, is to trust them  - Ernest Hemingway

A shop with books in

Today's smile-inducer : is pretty much self-explanatory. This is a song about books, inspired by bookshops and written by a band who call themselves " The Bookshop Band ". Really doesn't get any better than that. Oh, and did I mention British bands are just utterly delightful ?

Enjoy !  And happy weekend everybody !


"A shop with books in" - a song inspired by bookshops, written for Independent Booksellers' Week 2012 by The Bookshop Band from The Bookshop Band on Vimeo.

Two cents

" The people who are truly ready to get married, are the people who need it the least " 

I've been told ( numerous times ) not to be too vocal on subjects like these, but hey, this is my little slice of thoughts on the world wide web and if you're not ready to accept someone else's view with an open mind, then I urge you to stop reading past this line.  

*****

But then again, thought you wouldn't. So, if you're ready, here's my two cents on weddings and the institution ( interesting how they link marriages to institutions , eh ) of marriage. 

It's wedding season, what with this year being the auspicious year of the dragon, and the fact that age is catching up and friends , left , right and center have been busy tying the knot. Whilst I'm happy for them, it got me thinking about a few points. 

Why is the divorce rate skyrocketing every year? One could argue that ways of life have been evolving and couples no longer need to stay together and iron through their differences when society is quick to sell you escape ladders and runaway cars. However, what if there's always been a seed planted in every relationship, and the way you nurture this, could either lead to whether you build a sturdy family tree, or spend your married life getting rid of weeds. 

Is your wedding a premonition of what's to come ? Weddings, big, small, elaborate, simple, are nonetheless cause for celebrations : regardless of the guests attending ( That great aunt who always had too much to say about everything from your teeth to how many of your children should be named after her, yes, her too ).  They're also the first step you take as a married couple, and the first glimpse into your future together. 

The thing is, have all this attention lavished on the fanfare of weddings caused us to veer away from the true meaning of a couple's union ? Personally, I believe in only inviting the people who truly mean something to me to my wedding ( presuming I'll actually walk down the aisle ). Marriages are something so sacred, so precious, that they're moments that should only be shared with the people who will truly value the meaning behind those two words : I do. They're also a stark reminder of the people who should have been there, but now reside only in our hearts. 

Now here comes the walking on eggshells part. How does culture and tradition factor in these sacred unions. I'm born and raised a Christian, so my views may differ, but I think that people tend to take things too high up a notch with wedding preparations ( Especially if you're asian ). Don't get me wrong, I think that traditions like the tea ceremony are sweet and quaint but all this nonsense about 'saving face' and " let's see who can throw the biggest party because hey, I CAN afford it " just makes the entire affair so cheap. ( Ok, fine, this is a little judgy, but honestly .... carts of whiskey, overpriced dishes of near extinct animals, ridiculous gowns, bawdy jokes and the whole circus ? )  I shouldn't be saying this, but the fact is .. if you have that much money to splurge on getting your guests drunk and making absolute fools of themselves, why not do something meaningful instead ? Donate to charity. Help a child in need. Pay for children who can't afford an education. Give someone else a shot at life. But then again, that's just me and whilst I can't judge what someone else wants to do, I'd like to think that I have the right to not back down on the things that make me uncomfortable.     

I wanted to type " I'm just a girl " but the truth is, I'm no longer just a girl. These are issues that are closer than ever as the candles on that birthday cake grow in numbers, and seriously, they've been bugging me. 

If you've read till the end, and haven't stormed off in a fit of rage at my disrespectful audacity, thank you and thank you very much. I'd like to know though, what do you think ? Do you prefer intimate gatherings because after all a marriage is between 2 people and a higher being, or do you prefer grand affairs ( even if some of those things drive you absolutely NUTS ) ? Will this deeeeelightful mix make things more difficult, or make the entire 'adventure' more worth the ride ?  

Disclaimer : The author apologizes for the verbiage in this post, but not for the thoughts. Not really. 

The bravest prayer

Today's smile-inducer : Trust and free falling. 

How many times do we say that we fully trust the word of the Lord, but actually really put into practice whatever comes out of our mouths ? Personally, this prayer would be a challenge for me. It's hard to admit this, but I tend to be a bit of an overachiever. Fast paced lifestyles with close to zero downtime appeals to me, and I get a kick from all that adrenaline rush. It hasn't been a really healthy way of life, not physically, not mentally, and definitely not spiritually. 

I'm relying on this prayer now. As a reminder that when you choose to free fall, don't think of first laying safety nets, because that's just cheating. If He put me on that cliff, He'll catch me when it's time to. 

O God, I beg two favours from you;
let me have them before I die.
First, help me never to tell a lie.
Second, give me neither poverty nor riches !
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say " Who is the Lord ?"
And if I am too poor, I may steal and then insult God's holy name.
- Proverbs 30 : 7 - 9 

*pic credits*

Morning conversations

Today's smile-inducer : Childlike reminders. 

Was reading this prayer with him the other morning. Had to bite back a smile when I realized that regardless of whether your age is in single or double digits, this is still so so very relevant. 

Good morning, God, 

I want to give today my very best, 

Please lead me and help me give my best in all I do. 

In Jesus' name, 

Amen. 

 

Step out and look up

Today's smile-inducer : Faith. Best piece of advice a pastor gave in his sermon last Sunday : " When faced with difficulties in life, step out, and look up " 

People are often unreasonable and self-centred,

Forgive them anyway, 

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. 

Be kind anyway, 

If you are honest, people may cheat you. 

Be honest anyway, 

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. 

Be happy anyway, 

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 

Do good anyway, 

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. 

Give your best anyway, 

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. 

It was never between you and them anyway. 

-Kent M. Keith

Flowing with the go

Today's smile-inducer : Letting go and learning to ignore the imaginary roar created in idle thought. Sometimes it helps to sift through the things that matter and those that don't. Oftentimes it's the choices we don't have to make that end up being the ones that do us in. Learning to sit back and let nature take its course. One day at a time, one goal at a time. 

• Half the world is composed of people who have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it - Robert Frost  

• While they were saying among themselves that it cannot be done, it was done - Helen Keller    

• Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not a truth - Marcus Aurelius

Simply because looking at them makes me happy :) 

Potential

Today's smile-inducer : A weed by a spotlight. We walk past it, sometimes we trod on these, but resilient as ever, they grow, stronger, taller. A quaint reminder that sometimes even the most mundane, often overlooked things can stand out when illuminated by the right light. 

Every moment has infinite potential. Every new moment contains for you new possibilities that you cannot possibly imagine. Every day is a blank page that you could fill with the most beautiful drawings. 

- John C. Parkin