Thursday, August 16, 2012

Two cents

" The people who are truly ready to get married, are the people who need it the least " 

I've been told ( numerous times ) not to be too vocal on subjects like these, but hey, this is my little slice of thoughts on the world wide web and if you're not ready to accept someone else's view with an open mind, then I urge you to stop reading past this line.  


But then again, thought you wouldn't. So, if you're ready, here's my two cents on weddings and the institution ( interesting how they link marriages to institutions , eh ) of marriage. 

It's wedding season, what with this year being the auspicious year of the dragon, and the fact that age is catching up and friends , left , right and center have been busy tying the knot. Whilst I'm happy for them, it got me thinking about a few points. 

Why is the divorce rate skyrocketing every year? One could argue that ways of life have been evolving and couples no longer need to stay together and iron through their differences when society is quick to sell you escape ladders and runaway cars. However, what if there's always been a seed planted in every relationship, and the way you nurture this, could either lead to whether you build a sturdy family tree, or spend your married life getting rid of weeds. 

Is your wedding a premonition of what's to come ? Weddings, big, small, elaborate, simple, are nonetheless cause for celebrations : regardless of the guests attending ( That great aunt who always had too much to say about everything from your teeth to how many of your children should be named after her, yes, her too ).  They're also the first step you take as a married couple, and the first glimpse into your future together. 

The thing is, have all this attention lavished on the fanfare of weddings caused us to veer away from the true meaning of a couple's union ? Personally, I believe in only inviting the people who truly mean something to me to my wedding ( presuming I'll actually walk down the aisle ). Marriages are something so sacred, so precious, that they're moments that should only be shared with the people who will truly value the meaning behind those two words : I do. They're also a stark reminder of the people who should have been there, but now reside only in our hearts. 

Now here comes the walking on eggshells part. How does culture and tradition factor in these sacred unions. I'm born and raised a Christian, so my views may differ, but I think that people tend to take things too high up a notch with wedding preparations ( Especially if you're asian ). Don't get me wrong, I think that traditions like the tea ceremony are sweet and quaint but all this nonsense about 'saving face' and " let's see who can throw the biggest party because hey, I CAN afford it " just makes the entire affair so cheap. ( Ok, fine, this is a little judgy, but honestly .... carts of whiskey, overpriced dishes of near extinct animals, ridiculous gowns, bawdy jokes and the whole circus ? )  I shouldn't be saying this, but the fact is .. if you have that much money to splurge on getting your guests drunk and making absolute fools of themselves, why not do something meaningful instead ? Donate to charity. Help a child in need. Pay for children who can't afford an education. Give someone else a shot at life. But then again, that's just me and whilst I can't judge what someone else wants to do, I'd like to think that I have the right to not back down on the things that make me uncomfortable.     

I wanted to type " I'm just a girl " but the truth is, I'm no longer just a girl. These are issues that are closer than ever as the candles on that birthday cake grow in numbers, and seriously, they've been bugging me. 

If you've read till the end, and haven't stormed off in a fit of rage at my disrespectful audacity, thank you and thank you very much. I'd like to know though, what do you think ? Do you prefer intimate gatherings because after all a marriage is between 2 people and a higher being, or do you prefer grand affairs ( even if some of those things drive you absolutely NUTS ) ? Will this deeeeelightful mix make things more difficult, or make the entire 'adventure' more worth the ride ?  

Disclaimer : The author apologizes for the verbiage in this post, but not for the thoughts. Not really. 


JoV said...

I wholeheartedly agree with everything you say and I use to scoff at our culture who emphasise on lavish weddings and lots of noises and functions.

The only thing I thought would persuade me of not thinking so harshly about this practice was that fact that the showy weddings are part of the Chinese culture and I suppose the couples have every right to celebrate the way they want it or the way their parents want it to be.

I have been married for 11 years and I did not have a wedding. I thought that saves me a lot of hassle, really! and I don't feel as if I should have it. I want to be on limelight for my achievement in my career or worthy cause to the society, not on my wedding! (although some people do enjoy being in the limelight, so wedding is one avenue of achieving that glory..) lol :D

Joanna said...

Hi Jo !

Wow, I love the fact that you skipped out on the whole wedding part. Comforting to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that there's more to a marriage than white gowns, frothy cakes and a sea of faceless guests ...

But then again, I guess one man's meat is another man's poison. Thanks for your comment. Appreciate the insight :)

Fiona said...

I absolutely love this post! Yes, I agree with your point of view and think that weddings should be kept simple and meaningful. And looking at the economic situation today, it's unwise to overspend on weddings.