Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Use somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see,
Painted faces fill the places I can't reach
-Use Somebody, Kings of Leon


The phrase ‘use and throw’ used to be only limited to disposable items, eating utensils, toiletries, diapers, well, you get the picture. I must have been sleeping in an entirely foreign land and missed the moment the phrase applied to ‘friends’ too.

When I build friendships, I lay the founding bricks in small, hesitant pieces. But when I finally trust, I tend to go all in, full throttle, all or nothing. That is probably the reason why I’m always finding myself the victim of crash and burns, hit and runs.

At times I feel like confronting these tormentors of mine. “Hey! I know what you’re up to”. Truth is, I think I lack not the courage for confrontation but rather the strength to search alone again. I’m na├»ve enough to lay all my trust repeatedly in the person who takes it, that fragile little globe of feeling and crush it. And as I lay in the middle of the glittering splinters of my hopes and dreams, I see despair, desperation and knowledge that this would have happened through tear-blind eyes.

I’m tired of second-guessing intentions. I’m tired of trying to pry through the masks that people don. I need to know that when I lean in and whisper a secret, you’ll keep it in your heart, just like I would yours. I need to know that when I fall, you’d laugh with me, not at me. I need to know that when I reach out, blind in the dark, you’d be my eyes, ears and heart. I need to be stupid, but right for once.

Call me silly if you want to, I’m adamant to live my fantasy. That fantasy where people really, truly care for the person that I am, not what I can do for them. Rude awakenings will only harden my resolve. I’m stubborn enough to want to look at the glass as half full. Maybe it’s to my detriment that I prefer to find friends for keeps, not keep friends for use. Right now, I really could use somebody...

14 comments:

missvelvetjune said...

hello dear jo <3
looks like you had a rough day.
here is a big hug for you *HUG*
don't be disheartened by bad friendships.some tend to utilise people or take things for granted but there are many which are beautiful :)it is hard to find a true friend, what more to keep them.you just have to hold on to the good ones :) take care you. i can lend you my shoulder to lean on.
love loads, june

Elin said...

I agree with june...there are many out there who are beautiful...take a minute a look around you. Don't just look at one.

Remember one bad apple doesn't mean the whole basket is rotten. Throw away the bad apple and take the good ones and savor them. :) Love you and we are always here for you...remember that and I am one of those good one :p

zhen yuan said...

here's a listening soul always at your disposal :) stay strong there jo!

smallkucing said...

Cheers up. There is always a silver lining in this. It's better for you to see them now for what they are.

Toothfairy said...

Agree, one bad apple doesn't mean the rest is bad too. I hope you're feeling better now.

btw, at the music section on my blog in the sidebar, you can find another version of the song, piano version by a dutch singer. It's really good!

loves

SJ said...

throw frens? oh that's just so bad

A smile from SJ =)

conan_cat said...

aww sweetie, i'm sure not all friends are like that! it's just that you need to look around and really to find the real sincere ones...

which is not actually easy, i know.

well, while the ones over here commenting are not really close in terms of distance, but i hope these small little warmth can heat up your soul!

never give up, sweetie! :)

*hugs*

Elin said...

What do you do with a rotten apple...you throw it away or keep it? Food for thought. That rotten apple will make you sick instead of keeping the doctor away LOL!

Gabriel said...

hey...it's not a fantasy. I believe what you hold on to is an ideal that everyone should believe in and practice it. You will find your good friend(s) I believe, i am looking for mine too! there are plenty good ones out there who appreciate friendships. :D all the best and God bless!

Joanna said...

June : Aww dearie...u really made my day. :) Love ya !

Elin : Yup yup! Hugzzzz

Zhen Yuan : Hey there kiddo! Thanks :)I is strong *flexes muscles :P

Kathy : Yup, at least there's that :)

Toothfairy :This won't stop me from picking apples :) Can't live without them really. And the song, really great rendition

SJ : *Smiles back

Conan_cat : Awww ... that's so sweet. I really appreciate everyone here who has dropped me a comment. There are no words to describe how honoured I feel to have the friendship of everyone who has dropped by :)

Gabriel : Here's to us finding true friends and everlasting relationships :) God bless too

cleffairy said...

LOL... I have to agree with Elin... rotten apples makes you sick instead of keeping the doctor away!

Cheer up, girl.

ladyviral said...

Throw away what troubles you... never keep them by your side for they will only drag you lower than you already are.

there are more who would treasure you. It could be the one right in front of you :).

Joanna said...

Cleffairy : hear hear ! Haha.. thanks for the support :)

LadyViral : Yes, I am keeping my eyes wide open :)

prashant said...

you just have to hold on to the good ones :) take care you. i can lend you my shoulder to lean on.

Work from home India