Lost

I have eavesdropped with impunity into the lives of people who do not exist. I have peeped shamelessly into hearts and bathroom closets. I have leant over shoulders to follow the movements of quills as they write love letters, wills and confessions. I have watched as lovers love, murderers murderand children play their make believe. I have spied on the misdeeds of the mighty and witnessed the nobility of the meek. I have bent so low over sleepers in their beds that they might have felt my breath on their faces. I have seen their dreams. - The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield.

The excerpt above epitomizes so beautifully the power of imagination when coupled with the sword of words..I'm currently lost in this book. Beautifully gothic, eloquently phrased imageries, with vivid armies of character woven in the mix...how not to get lost?

Been listening to a lot of Coltrane and the Jacques Loussier Trio these days. Jazz music like these often send me walking on air with my head stuck right up there in fluffy clouds.

Hi there dear all,
First off, a big apology 4 seemingly dropping off the blogosphere lately. Things have just been pure madness, but then again, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without that little lacing of insanity.

I do hope it isn't too late to wish y'all a Merry X'mas. Here's 2 overflowing Christmas stockings, sticky Christmas puddings and creamy eggnogs. May your halls be filled with merry rings of laughter, accompanied by the scents of good cheer floating amidst the cacophony of unwrapping gifts....

Xoxo
Jo

Feliz Navidad

Today’s Smile Inducer : Good company, good food, great laughs, memorable weekends. The past few days were a dream. Alas, like all dreams, one has to wake up. Not without cherish-able memories though :)

Christmas trees so tall you have to tilt your head way up. Wonder, joy and lightheartedness reflected in shiny red, gold and silver balls. The air echoes of Christmas carols and Christmas cheer so tangible you feel it slowly chipping at the ice in your heart and warming you right down to your little toe. There’s a mutual sharing of holiday joy ringing in the air, only to be punctuated by a joyful child’s giggle and the quick pitter patter of last minute Christmas shoppers. Oh, and there is this lingering scent of pine trees, chocolate, whipped cream and cookies nipping teasingly at your senses.

Christmas has definitely got to be my favourite time of the year. Can you believe it’s hardly a week more to Christmas?

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful – Norman Vincent Peale

Just Friends

Picture from : theenglishmuse.blogspot.com

Spend life with who makes you happy. Not who you have to impress - Anon

Let's talk relationships tonight. Always a sticky line, more taboo than most care to admit, let's venture into the wild and risky shall we?

There is this thing about Asian cultures, especially amongst the conventionally traditionally conservative pack (phew, lots of adjectives there), that a girl and a boy can never be just friends. The thing that I don't get about these people is why be so hypocritical? Why read so much into nothing? Why draw your own conclusions, be the director of your own self-indulgent fantasy and hurt the people around you whilst you carry on in your own stupidity?

Gossiping, spreading false 'truths', passing on vindictive lies, boys behaving like girls. What are we in? Pre-school again? No, scratch that, I think even 5 year olds have better powers of deduction that some grown adults.

Maybe it's just me. I'm basically a really open person when it comes to stuff like this. I have made a couple of really good guy friends over the years. Nothing romantic just good, solid, friendship. I actually think that guys, despite some having the innate ability to be total jerks in relationships really have the potential to be really sweet when they do put their minds to it. It is here that I remind myself not to let the minority cloud my thoughts on the majority :)

It may be to my own sorry case that I can't keep my opinions to myself. I just hope that people will stop being so judgmental. So, boy-girl,in platonic relationships ... fact or fiction? Truth or myth? I don't know. You tell me.

p.s : I would really like to thank all you guys who have left me such sweet comments in the previous post. I value them very much. It's the holiday season. I should really stop being so angsty. From this post on, cheerful cheerful :) Promise!

Use somebody

I've been roaming around, I was looking down at all I see,

Painted faces fill the places I can't reach

-Use Somebody, Kings of Leon

The phrase ‘use and throw’ used to be only limited to disposable items, eating utensils, toiletries, diapers, well, you get the picture. I must have been sleeping in an entirely foreign land and missed the moment the phrase applied to ‘friends’ too.

When I build friendships, I lay the founding bricks in small, hesitant pieces. But when I finally trust, I tend to go all in, full throttle, all or nothing. That is probably the reason why I’m always finding myself the victim of crash and burns, hit and runs.

At times I feel like confronting these tormentors of mine. “Hey! I know what you’re up to”. Truth is, I think I lack not the courage for confrontation but rather the strength to search alone again. I’m naïve enough to lay all my trust repeatedly in the person who takes it, that fragile little globe of feeling and crush it. And as I lay in the middle of the glittering splinters of my hopes and dreams, I see despair, desperation and knowledge that this would have happened through tear-blind eyes.

I’m tired of second-guessing intentions. I’m tired of trying to pry through the masks that people don. I need to know that when I lean in and whisper a secret, you’ll keep it in your heart, just like I would yours. I need to know that when I fall, you’d laugh with me, not at me. I need to know that when I reach out, blind in the dark, you’d be my eyes, ears and heart. I need to be stupid, but right for once.

Call me silly if you want to, I’m adamant to live my fantasy. That fantasy where people really, truly care for the person that I am, not what I can do for them. Rude awakenings will only harden my resolve. I’m stubborn enough to want to look at the glass as half full. Maybe it’s to my detriment that I prefer to find friends for keeps, not keep friends for use. Right now, I really could use somebody...

Just me

The crowd swelled around me , swirling and swishing in a kaleidoscope of colours, forms, emotions, thoughts. Swallowing me whole, I welcomed its cloak of anonymity. Lovers brushed past, two bodies stuck in a single soul, oblivious to the surroundings. There were tourists, cameras at the ready to put into tangible form what the mind would always remember. Little children zoomed past my ankles, dervishes in a blur of colourful dresses and quick feet.

It is at times like these that the anonymity of being in a crowd seduces me. In this sea of strangers, there exists no expectations, only a rare sort of acceptance. For in that one instant, I can cease being the diligent student, the girlfriend, the dutiful daughter, the listening ears and supporting shoulders. For one indulgent, selfish moment, I get to be me.

If you haven't really tried anything .. how can you say nothing works?

Candle in the Wind

Picture from : http://www.oliverwillis.com/2009/04/03/mommy-comes-home/

Today's Smile Inducer : Being alive. We so often whine about the injustices life doles out on us. Looking back, sweetness would never have been as enticing if it had not been preceded by a tinge of bitterness. For that, I am ever grateful.

We were cruising along the highway when we were forced to slow down by a sudden crawl in traffic. Through my headphones, Michael Buble sang of home whilst I let out a silent curse at the lateness of the hour,the emptiness of my stomach. Anxious and impatient to get home, I looked out the window, having a good mind to bestow upon the cause of this jam a cold, angry glare. It was then that I saw them.

Two policemen, one wrecked motorcycle, one bodybag. There were no flashing lights, no hurried commotion, only the shattering silence that often accompanies the roaring unreality of tragedies. It was hard to believe that on this dark, lonely stretch in the middle of nowhere, someone had just drawn his or her last breath.

Somewhere out there, a parent, a child, brothers, sisters, or even a pet would soon feel the splintering pain of loss. There are no right words, or thoughts when life is snuffed out so suddenly. In that one moment of clarity, I found myself thanking God for second chances and life in its entity. It's sad really, that it takes a lifeless form to jerk one back to life.

I reached home to find dinner already set and ready. No longer ravenous, only one thought crossed my mind as I absently registered flavour, textures, layers :

I made it home safe, someone out there never did.

Flattered, Honoured, Speechless

Today's Smile-Inducer : So urm, I got an award! Now, I’ve been hearing about people getting Best Blog Awards but never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would someday get one...There are no words to describe how honoured I feel that Kathy a.k.a Mamarazzi of SmallKucing thinks I’m worthy of this award. Thank you so much ! Oh boy, now there’s the pressure to live up to it … haha

Oh, and the rules are :

1] Post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award and his/her blog link.

[2] Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you have recently discovered and think are great!

So here’s my list of the blogs that I visit, browse and finally leave feeling awed, inspired, and happy. In no definite order...

1. Fiona – one of the best girls I’ve had the privilege to know. We go way back
2. Owl Order – his photography staggers me most times.
3. Suituapui – I go there for my daily drools and visual meals.
4. Caring is not only sharing - Love reading about the various escapades around Ipoh town, the food and the travels
5. Mally – we went to the same kindy, primary and high school. Rode in the same bus for 5 years but NEVER talked. Till I found out about her blog recently. J She grew up to be really gorgeous! Both in and out.
6. Eza – a lovely girl, die-hard romantic. Reading her blog leaves me feeling oozy, cozy.
7. Juney June – another classmate recently discovered through the wonder that is the internet. Loved catching up on old times
8. Cleffairy – tells it as it is. Lovely writing
9. Jared – The Awesomesauce Times. Need I say more?
10. Yi Wei – really insightful observations, thoughts and reflections. Reading her humbles me.
11. Guo Zheng – very deep, very intellectual, very intelligent reflections on daily happenings
12. Eyeris – I constantly pop by for reviews on books, movies and music. Yum!
13. Gabriel – A whole ton of interesting stuff. Very devout too
14. Joash – Spins really heartwarming tales. Future doctor no less !
15. J2kfm – introduces lovely places to eat in good ole Ipoh .. and everywhere else too

They leave me weak at the knees, in a good way. It’s just too sad that 15 is such a wee number..blogs not listed are by no means lacking greatness. This greedy girl devours anything written with unrestrained glee. =)

Cheers,

Jo

Twirls and Swirls

It was one of those days. He put on a record, releasing soft music into the lazy afternoon.

I looked up at him, shooting him a cheeky grin. Even then I knew I could have my way whenever I was with him.

“Dance with me. Teach me how.”

And so he took my small hands and clasped them in his large ones. Gathering me close, he counted softly in my ear “1,2,3,1,2,3 …. That’s all there is to it, follow the beat”

“Left foot forward, right foot back.”

“I can’t. I can’t keep up” I stumble and fall back, beginning to sulk.

With a chuckle he lifted me up on his toes and together we twirled around the room. Delighted, I laughed, a musical tinkle breaking the earlier solemnity.

“This is fun! Spin faster!” and so he did.

Grandma laughed at us then.

Dizzy, spent and tired, he set me down at last.

“One day you’re going to grow up and I bet you’re going to break some hearts too, my darling”

More than a decade later, I’ve grown up. I don’t know if I’ve broken any hearts along the way. But I do know one thing for sure. I broke yours. I’m sorry, but all I want is to dance on your toes again.

Of Body, Mind and Soul

Heavily made up, scantily clad, she stood out in a circle of ogling males, her smooth, translucent skin a magnet for lewd, suggestive stares. Basking in the attention, she parades more flesh, carefully painted lips tilting upwards in a cat’s smile of seduction.

“We’re having a promotion today sir … “ she purrs, the sly tease of a promise hidden in the unfinished sentence.

It constantly boggles me how the male of the species fall for such quick-fixes. Blatant in-your-face-sex-appeal is the death of enigma. Allure settles becomingly in elegance, attitude and poise. But what can I say? Sex sells, and marketers, geniuses that they are pounce on such opportunities.

There are two meals on the menu here. One is cheap, easily available, common, fast food. A dime a dozen. The other, a gourmet meal, the very scent of which entices the most jaded of connoisseurs. Which would you choose? The quick albeit filling bite, or an experience born to be sampled, explored, discovered. Textures to be savoured, hidden layers to be sought out, appreciated.

It is sad to admit that at times like these, I don’t blame men for degrading women. I mean, if you’ve already done such an excellent job out of it yourself, who’s going to listen when you wail “Gallantry is dead!” ?

This post was ‘inspired’ after a visit to the PC fair in KLCC today. No wonder people flock there by the dozens. Short skirts, bare tummies, skin tight uniforms, and cleavage enhancing tops were the theme of the party. Since when was it the motto of every sales rep to leave nothing more to the imagination? Verdict : At least you can’t complain that stuff there weren’t cheap…

World AIDS Day was Dec 1st (Ooops..sorry for the previous error ...thanks for pointing this out Cleffairy..). Far from being the panacea to AIDS, I thought it was only appropriate if I shared my thoughts in these 4 words . JUST Keep. It. Zipped !

Dare you to jump

Today's Smile-Inducer : Courage. Courage should not be limited to the confines of a battlefield. It's in the little steps you suck in a breath at, close your eyes and finally plunge in, eyes wide open.

Battle weary and energy-sapped, I crawled into my sanctuary of oblivion to lick my wounds. Dug up a bar of chocolate and indulged in one of my guilty secrets…sappy romances. Watched A Walk to Remember for what must be the 50^th time now. And well, let’s put it this way : the faucet leaked for the 50^th time.

I don’t want empty promises and sweet nothings. I’m waiting for the love that resides in the cozy pages of female fantasies or the shimmery instruments of actors and actresses. Love that is capable of withstanding the test of time. Love, that is everything Disney has inscribed into the heads of little girls all around the world.

I want it to take on life, leap up, reach out for me, engulf and bury me in a tidal wave of ecstasy. The kind of love that is constant, patient, deeply-abiding. Rob me of all sane thoughts for fickle I may be, but hey, a girl can dream.

Someone once asked me. If you could be with The One for one day, and one day only.. would you give him your everything? I know now that a part of me would crash headfirst into the slimmest glimpse of happily ever after, even if ever after only lasts 24 hours...A fleeting illusion it may be, but fading memories are better than none. What say you?

So here’s my question. Would you trade in a day of your life or brazen through a lifetime of regrets and what ifs?

Call me cynical

Le sigh. Read this.

Sports legend, golf extraordinaire aside, I used to have respect for the man... now I have zero. Sometimes I wonder if it's really that hard for some men to think with their brains instead of to be lead off by their basal needs. Why isn't ONE ever enough, do they really need to sample everything on the buffet banquet? Sheesh, a little fidelity never killed anyone, maybe this one should get some... if only to be spared from $300 million lessons.

Uh oh

It's time to stop dreaming of beaches and pina coladas and bring out the study mat instead ... Schedule's gonna be so tight these few weeks.

4th Dec (Fri i.e TOMORROW!!) - Advanced Design of Manufacturing Systems test. NOT PREPARED. Formulas are the bane of my existence !

5th Dec (Sat) - Go watch The Bro a.k.a Dino perform. He has a 'gig' at Wangsa Walk in conjunction with Aids Day. So i begged ordered him to let me tag along. Powers of persuasion .. heh

6th Dec (Sun) - MPO .. again! This time it's "French Romantics". And they're gonna have a cello solo. Whee... cellists are sexy :P Dragging The Boy there again... Sorry baby ...

10th Dec (Thurs) - Advanced Engineering Materials assignment deadline. Quality Engineering test. ( This. Is. A. Ticking. Time-Bomb. T.T)

11th Dec (Fri) - Speed back to Ipoh to get passport done. *yawn*

12th Dec (Sat) - Rush back to KL to lend some sibling support to Dino for Unplugged - The Battle of the Bands ... *or something..I'm bad with names :( *

14th Dec (Mon) - FYP thesis submission <---- I'm so dead so dead so dead :(

But there's always a rainbow after the rain so

Today's Smile-Inducer : Junk Food! How can I survive without my staple study companions.. Mister Potato, and Miss Chachos ..

P.s : I'm aware the ratio of fun vs. work is kinda out of proportion.. but ratios notwithstanding ....Wish me luck! *crosses fingers*

Idiocy

When people give birth,they celebrate life. At least that's what I think a normal person would do. The news continues to irk me. I have been rendered speechless

Read this. Tell me...any of you found your voice yet? They got MARRIED!! What else do you want? The child deserves a happy, well-rounded family. I can only foresee bitterness and regret if action were taken. After all, what matters most is the journey, the end. Since when do beginnings ever matter? I still can't decide whether to laugh, cry or rant.

*I'm not criticizing any religion here. Prohibiting premarital sex seems logical, good even if you think about the cases of abandoned babies. But sometimes things need to be put into perspective, no? There must be some exceptions to the law, no matter how rigid. We are all humans afterall. And to err is what we are. Live, let live and give someone the chance to make amends.

Hey you,

I’m sorry I’ve taken so long to write. It’s exactly a year now since the day you left. Wow, time sure flies huh?

It took me a while to accept the reality that you were gone. That you were no longer a text message away. That I could no longer tease you before I sleep.

In the span of a year, I realize you’ve never really left. I see you in every doting brother, I hear you tapping to your favourite songs every time they go on air, I sense you in the camaraderie of family gatherings, I remember you in your favourite foods and your favourite places.

It no longer stabs me in the heart when you come back to me in these little things … well, at least not as badly. It’s comforting to know that I bring along a part of you with me everyday, the same way you took a part of me with you when you left.

Anniversaries are to be observed (if only to escape the wrath of your other half); birthdays are to be celebrated (you missed my 21^st by the way… I painted the town a shade of purple for you), achievements to be toasted, festivals to be shared with special someones, but goodbyes … I refuse to believe they exist. There’s only till we meet again.

I’m offering you a prayer today. A prayer that peace will be yours to have at last. That you’d find fulfillment, contentment and the happiness that eluded you here.

I wish you’d stuck around longer to hear what I have to say now. I love you. We all do. But I think you knew that right? Till we meet again, promise you’ll tell me all about touring the galaxy and the milky way.

P/s : Say hi to poh poh and grandma for me will you?

Lots of love,

Jo

“Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” - Eskimo Proverb

Reminiscence

Today's Smile-Inducer : Holiday thoughts. It's December. How time flies. December always reminds me of holidays. Here are snapshots of the time The Boy and I took a trip to Pangkor. Only managed to upload a few pictures. No thank you, broadband !

Update : News of me spending loads of money on 70 books is all over cyberspace. Facebook, blogs and everywhere else accept my own lil slice of the internet. Is it really THAT weird to splurge everything on books? It's still the cheapest form of travel ... and I found out they're selling the books for RM5 tomorrow ... ARGH !!!!

The resort had lots and lots of these man-made waterfalls. This one was hidden in a corner. Very pretty.

I'm terrified of rocks. But for the sake of this picture climbed atop one and managed to capture me on Mt Rock ! Damn scary ok ! And the uncle who took this took 15 minutes before asking us "Where's the button to press ar??" Grr ... could have murdered him if my legs weren't shaking so much from the fear ...

That's all for now. Assignments with a side of midnight oil beckons...

P.s : I know the quality of the pictures are really bad here. Had to resize them and compact them or else Mr Big Shot Broadband refuses to help me ...

Arrivederci !