Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Life

Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still. -- Lou Erickso

Time sure flies. It’s been a while since the last time I actually sat down to seriously blog. Random things have crossed my mind these last few days. Last Sunday in church, it suddenly hit me that so much time has just slid past. It’s somewhat like trying to hold a fistful of sand in your hand, but the effort is futile because the sand will somehow seep through the gaps between your fingers.

Before I digressed, I was about to elucidate what I meant by how fast time flies. I was sitting next to Josh in church and in a moment of spontaneity, I turned to him and stuck my tongue out at him. And then it dawned on me that my baby brother had grown into a young man. Was the transition from child to teenager so smooth that it passed me by so stealthily? And then, the irrevocable truth made itself apparent to me. He was growing up. Fast. So am I.

Life is an intricate tapestry, our lives are interwoven in the strands that make up the whole picture. Josh and I started from the same root, but as we grow, it is inevitable that those threads of life that used to be so close would slowly wind away, weaving a part of the big picture alone. We’d still be close, after all, blood is thicker than water, but we’d have our own stories to weave. And it’s a little sad that we’ll continue on this journey in life without being a part of each other, living behind the simplistic, idealistic cover of childhood dreams and slaying our own dragons. One day, he’ll meet someone, and he’ll share a large part of his life with that special someone. That day, I hope he knows how much his sister loves him.

I’m somewhat aloof and detached from my peers. It’s not that I’m arrogant or self-superior or anything. It’s just that I think it is such an effort to smile when you don’t really mean it. Hypocrites repel me yet it disgusts me even more when I am one. I am an observer, rarely a participant. People think I’m Miss Goody-two-shoes but heck, I was made that way, am that way, and always will be that way. Is it so wrong to want to be different? Are others insecure with variety because it shakes their own foundations? Well, then honey, I daresay your foundations weren’t stable to begin with. You can’t have everything in life. You can’t expect people to bow at your every wish. You just have to learn to be contented with what cards life deals you.

There is a part of me that clamours to belong. Yet there is another part of me that wants to be recognized as an individual. Not just the girl who attends the same lecture with you. Or the classmate who sits in front of you in class. I want to be remembered as the one who made you smile when you were down, the one who challenged you intellectually. The one who’s opinionated and who can actually think. I want to cease being a shadow, a non-existent phantom-ish being. I want to be different. Unique. Never conforming to the general specifics of anything. I have a veritable temper and yet I can be docile. I am shockingly outspoken and yet tenaciously clammed up when I choose to be. I don’t ever again want to be just a name or a face in the crowd. I want to be me.

10 comments:

SL said...

Hihi

Just drop by to tell you that you are a wonderful sister and I'm sure your brother knows that. Sweet memories of your growing process can never be taken away for any of you.

AND

YOU ARE special. Everyone is unique in their own way my dear. Just that sometimes people don't realize it. Don't be sad just because of the hypocrites that came along. Well, you are not one of them so don't call yourself one. In life we encounter different kinds of people. Some we may like and some we may not like. However, as the Bible says we must love everyone just as Jesus has loved us. But if they dun love us back, it's not our fault and there's nothing much we can do about it but pray. It's them that are not matured enough to see our uniqueness.

We shouldn't live up to what people wants us to be, we should be ourselves and only by that, we will be known as ourselves. All we need to do is give our best to the people around us, I'm sure if they don't appreciate it, someday, others will, and those that didn't will regret it.

Well, I'm here to tell you that you will always be someone special in my life and you are special to many other people too. Life is short, but there's still a long way to go. You'll be meeting a lot more people then and who knows? You might brighten their lifes with your uniquesness, yes, by being you.

Haha, didn't notice that I've actually written so much. Opps, sorry.. Lol

You take good care so yourself ya? Like what your music teacher said, "You are a FIGHTER" so fight this battle well and always remember that you are not alone. There are many who really care for you. Ok now, I better go. Take care again and God bless.

SL

bro said...

Of course i know and no one can ever take that away from us. Even when i look as those christmas ornaments, I will always remember those times we had together, that tinggling nostalgic feeling. Anywayz gotta go now,

byez

Anonymous said...

Mom said....

Darlin, you should be proud of who u are. Don't change to suit others. Be yourself . What you're experiencing now is juz culture shock.
Give yourself time and you will adapt soon. We welcome you home any time..haha we see you most weekends. This is what HAPPINESS is about!!!

Grandpa ,Dad, Josh and I are proud of u. Not becoz you excelled in the academic field but becoz of the understanding,loving and caring nature in YOU.

U know I love talking to you becoz u understand me better than Dada..*wink wink* That's why I love to have you home every weekend..at least I have you to hear all my crappings n girlie talks till late in the nite ...lol

Ven Shern loves and adores his sister very much. HE KNOWS n MISSES you lotz ( imagine taking supper alone ) and he is also feeling the same as u when you both have someone special in your lives... will it change things...
No, I guess...you will both love each other more.

Just want you to know we love you muchie. God Bless You and Shine His Countenance on You Always.

love ya,
Momsie

Joanna said...

Aww....all three of you are soo super sweet. Muax to all. Thanks for ur support all this while. Abundance of hugz and kisses to all.

Fiona said...

You are the most unique friend that I have ever come across. Really glad that I met you since Standard 4. You are surely not a hypocrite as far as I can see. It's rare to find that we are still keeping in contact after leaving Convent. How many friends truly do that? Some of them may be studying in the same school after SPM but we drifted apart. You are in KL and I still can track you down! (well, you allowed me to...hehe) take care and I'll see you for our 'date'. ta~

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